I'll do it tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow! But tomorrow never ever comes!!

[ReginaG]

Ill start the exercise programme that I've subscribed to. Tomorrow.
I'll start taking my multivitamins. Tomorrow
I'll start doing a meal plan. Tomorrow.
I'll start that online course. Tomorrow.
I'll start spending more time playing with dd. Tomorrow.
I'll start the cleaning routine. Tomorrow.
I'll go through the finances that need sorting. Tomorrow.
I'll call x,y,z to keep in touch. Tomorrow

You get the idea.

Why do I do this? What is wrong with me?!

The weird thing is, I'm good at researching, planning, organising stuff, writing to do lists and knowing what and how to do things.

For e.g the exercise thing. I have a problem with my core due to a muscle split and have realised my posture is affected too. I've found a good online course to strengthen the core and for my posture, I've researched which muscles I need to stretch and which ones I need to strengthen and the exercises to do this, how often etc.

I did them for 2 days and not done since. That was a week ago. Same with every single thing on that list. There's more but obviously I can't write it all down.

I feel frustrated, angry at myself. Am I lazy? It has sometimes got me in a pickle with people as I've let them down as ive promised to do something and then don't. I don't do this anymore though unless it's a small thing I know I will do.

How can I change? Why do I do this? I wonder is it about having a messed up reward centre in the brain. These tasks are boring / have no immediate reward therefore I don't want to do them?! I have no idea.

Please someone help me!

Accountability is vital for me. I’m exactly the same with Pilates classes. Will go religiously to classes but can’t do it at home.
I’ve realised that (depressingly) I don’t value myself or my time but I do value others! I won’t let people down and I’m vain. So I ask a friend to do something with me. Or tell the world and his wife I’m going to do xxx by xxxx then the shame of not doing it eggs me on. This is not healthy tbh but it works for me!

You’re trying to do too much at once and attain ‘perfection’ from the start.

Mornings are rushed so why don’t you take your vitamins with dinner? They need to be taken with food anyway.

Your core exercises: do them on your days off. Yes, I know you’re supposed to do them 3 times a week or whatever, but twice is more than none.

Sorting finances, I do this every payday.

You get the gist. Do stuff when you actually have free time, not when your brain is fried and you just need to relax.

I’ve been trying to get myself to join a gym/do exercise for years. As a pp said, there’s no way on god’s green earth I could be disciplined enough to roll out a mat at home, but I have successfully, finally, joined a gym, because I found one that’s more spa than gym. The average demographic is about a decade older than me, and there are few gym bunnies. It’s expensive so I have to use it to justify the cost.

I still don’t go into the gym room itself, and I’ve yet to sign up to a class, BUT I now go swimming four or five times a week because after my swim I lounge in the outdoor jacuzzi like one of those Japanese macaques in the snowy hot springs, and sit in the sauna. It feels like a treat. The regular swimming is slowly improving my fitness and got me into the habit of going there, and I’m feeling more and more tempted to sign up for a Pilates class. As in, I actually feel like I want to do it, as opposed to feeling like it’s a chore I must do. This is a seismic shift.

Oh no ! @ReginaG well I just took away from the book that you need to do a tiny thing each day. Then slowly build up. The steaks app really helps with this. Chosen one thing on your list and do it for 5 Mins. On the streaks app you need six things ticked on one screen. So add five things you do already. Then you are on the path.

plus youif you are like me you put ‘tidy garden’ on the list but that is a massive job- you need this website

https://goblin.tools/

Sometimes if I have a lot to do, I send my sister all of the things I'm aiming to get done. It's really embarrassing and lame if I can't tell her that I got them/ most of them done by the end of the day so that keeps me on track.
An accountability thread on mumsnet would be so good.

You pick one thing at a time and you find a way to do it that you enjoy and keeps you accountable until it's routine and not a decision anymore. E.g. the core work - maybe you need to try a class / sign up with a PT / go with a buddy etc. Then when that's locked in you go on to the next thing. But you have to enjoy it and have to feel accountable and there has to be enough variety/progress to keep it interesting. I've been doing weight lifting for a year and I've stuck to it because there is constant small progression, there are lovely people so I get a nice chat in and there are a variety of class times so it's very rare I will have to miss a few in a row (which would knock me right off). Think over much longer time scales for getting your life together. You can't do everything tomorrow but you could look back in a year's time and be amazed at the impact of 2 good habits you've made stick.

I identify with this too and am trying to improve.
Lists help, daily ones and bigger ones.
Taking bits from Flylady and TOMM help.
Timers help - I usually set for 15 minutes.
Listing 6 things and throwing a dice helps.Rewards help for example watching something for a short time alternating with getting something done.
I recently completed an admin task I had been putting off for years I am trying to remember how great that felt!
Hopefully better weather soon will inspire us more.
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time!
( Trouble is my elephant is enormous!)

For the boring but important life-admin stuff like finances, insurance, etc, I set the habit of doing a bunch of things altogether one evening a fortnight. Call it Admin Tuesday - nothing fun happens on a Tuesday, so I try and tick off at least 3 things from the list and then when I hit the wall, I stop and come back to it the following time.

Every mundane admin task gets put on the list to get round to on that day, so it’s not buzzing around in my brain, making me forget to do other things. It really works for me, and it might work for you too?

Start small. You are trying to change way too many things at once, so write just one thing on the list and then do that. It's no good having a great long list reminding you of all the things you haven't done.

The sense of achievement once you've done it will help to motivate you to move onto the next thing.

Also I was thinking (and can you tell I have a beastly project on at work to avoid) that like ‘do stomach exercises Course’ sounds easy but-

what will you wear
ehen will you do it exactly ?
where will you do it ?
when will you shower, before or after?
will anyone be around to be annoying.

stops you

Another thing is to think about what you want to achieve versus the way you think you should achieve it. So for example getting on top of a good house routine. That doesn't have to be the "do a bit everyday so the house is always neat and tidy" version.
I can't put away clothes once they are dry. But I can build a big leaning tower or two of dry clean laundry and then once a week put on a podcast I love and lock myself in my bedroom and sort it all out. If I have a big pile of clean laundry hanging around downstairs for a week so what? The outcome is clean clothes for all once a week and a lovely locked away podcast 45 minutes for myself.
Equally doing a weekly hoover/floor wash/dust etc. is never going to happen. But instead I have a cleaner come in once a week to keep us hygienic and then I do the big cleans whenever my energy strikes - decluttering and pulling out furniture, reorganising rooms, etc.
I have to align my housekeeping with my energy/interest and often it's an impending small scale crisis that motivates me to do the big job, versus trying to proactively do the small things regularly.

Thanks everyone! There's so much to go through here. I'll have a read of all the replies (tomorrow! 😂).

But seriously, I think there is some element a psychological reason that's making me procrastinate so much. There's def some perfectionism going on. Also my brain is geared to instant gratification so things like exercise is such a pain to do for me.

I really do like lists. But I find I start off well and then they get forgotten about. I need something with me at all times that's in my face. Maybe carry a notebook?!

You need to schedule stuff. Don’t make a list, put the items in your calendar and set an alarm.

Have a listen to this. He explains the freeze response and how to get out of it.

Do you actually want to do the stuff you're putting off? Maybe just forget about it all and spend your time doing things you actually want to do instead. You only get one life.

Making life easier for yourself might help. I put my gym bag in the car ready to grab and go. I have multiples of things in different areas rather than hunting around or not using them at all.

Maybe bullet points as a list. Maybe your daughter could help organise as a game.

You are definitely not broken, I loathed that book with a passion 😂. But I did like ‘The Expectation Effect’ by David Robson. Much clearer, and much more realistic.

That's free on audible! I just added it @ownedbymydog