I (32f) met this guy (30m) several years ago. We hit it off and started dating. Neither of us wanted anything serious at the time so it became I guess a situationship/ FWB. Until that is I decided to go to university and he met a girl and he moved in with her after he was kicked out of his family home
We kept in touch on occasion.
I always felt like a genuine connection between us both but I never thought of him as boyfriend material and i think he felt the same way. Besides he seemed happy and I was content with my studies and having the uni experience.
3 years later when covid happened I was sent home early to finish the year. I was told by a mutual friend that he thought he had moved back into town so I dropped him a message. We chatted like no time had passed and he told me he was now single but is looking for a place of his own in the nearest city to him. He told me he was sleeping in the spare bedroom and they were leading completely separate lives. So we started things back up. I didn't ask any more questions as I felt he didn't owe it to me as I wasn't trying to be his new girlfriend or anything. I accepted what he told me.
He messaged me one day telling me that his ex girlfriend had been secretly pregnant and he'd just found out. She was around 6/7 months. He agreed to stay with her and I told him he should stay to try and fix the relationship and be there for the child.
I found out that I was pregnant shortly after.
He tried to get me to have an abortion and told me I'd ruin him if i had this baby as he was trying to sort his life out with his new baby, and he was trying to work things out with his ex girlfriend. I was so completely overwhelmed I shut down and told him to stop contacting me as it no longer concerned him. I just wanted it to stop. He left me alone for a short while. I told him when our daughter was born. He even met her once when she was nearly a year old. The whole time he was there he never once tried to hold her or ask any real questions about her. He just wanted to know if I was alright and if I had any help blah blah blah
He never made any offer of help and I've never asked him for a single penny. That visit was essentially him trying to make himself feel better I guess.
Her dad continued to contact me sometimes to ask how I am and if I'd like to meet up. He tells me he thinks of me a lot still and wishes things could go back to how they were. He tells me he's sorry that he can't be her father blah blah blah..
Ive told him it doesnt matter anymore and told him to stop contacting me as he clearly doesnt want contact with his daughter and that we will not be friends. (She's nearly 3) He doesnt understand why we cant be friends and be how we were while he ignores his daughter... im not even joking!
Everytime he does this it brings up so many unnecessary emotions and memories that I rather forget. It'd be easier if I hated him but I came to realise that I actually loved this guy for years. I hate that I felt this way about him.
I will always feel awful that this happened and feel for his other child (4) and now girlfriend. But I do believe he'd do anything to stop them finding out.
WIBTA for telling his family that he has a secret child so he'd leave us alone?