Anyone else's partner like this?

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

DH and I both work FT. On Friday evening we had friends round, which was lovely but went to bed very late. Yesterday we had different friends over, went for a very long walk then we had a meal. So another lovely day, but busy.

Today, we took the dog for a walk together. Then DH put up some curtain rails, sorted out some pròblem with the garage roof and is now gardening. Whilst I'm lying on the sofa scrolling through. MN and FB.

He just never sits down. He potters constantly. And then I feel guilty for not doing the same.

This coming week I am out every evening except Tuesday, and I'm then away with a friend at the weekend. So I just need some chill out time.

I should be used to this - he's always been like this and we've been together for 30 years. But I get much more tired these days, so am getting lazy.

Anyone else have a duracell bunny for s partner?

We are the opposite way round, DH is a lazy git.

Just as some men sit around (scrolling on phones, sleeping on sofa, gaming, watching Six Nations 🙄etc) whilst their women are running around like headless chickens, you must learn to do the same.

Discuss with your chap of a morning, what the order of the day might be, esp his agenda, and then just let him get on with it. He might appreciate a cuppa whilst he’s busy, and a chat to appraise you of his progress, but so long as you take an interest, just chill.

You might also, at a convenient time, maybe on a car journey, have a chat about how much more weary you get these days because you recognise you don’t have the same stamina as when you were younger. My partner is well aware that I need more rest before my batteries run too low. I take naps sometimes.

Enjoy your new found ability to switch off. You’re not lazy, you’re just getting (I hate to say it) older!

I'm definitely getting older but so is he! He's 5 years older than me but much more active.

I just can't enjoy chilling out because he's making me feel guilty.

There was an evening last week after a very stressful day of work where I had a bath and got into my PJs at 8.30 and DH was rather taken aback. Then my (81 year old) Mum phoned me and was really shocked that I was in my PJs before 9pm.

Clearly I'm turning into a slob in my old age!

Of course you want to make sure that there is no medical reason for feeling more tired lately, but there's nothing to feel guilty about - everybody's rhythm is different. And people age differently - I had lunch yesterday with two friends in their early 80's - one is walking with sticks and the other climbs 20 flights of stairs a couple of times a week just to get extra exercise.

In what way does he make you feel guilty? Does he make comments?

@TwilightSkies no, he's lovely and not sarky or anything. I just feel guilty because he's always doing things. We moved house last year and there are quite a lot of things that need doing. But I just need some down time!

Sounds great to me. He's occupying himself quite happily and not being in your way all day. You want to do nothing sometimes. Sound well matched!

Ha! My pyjamas go on as soon as physically possible once I've finished work. I'm lying on the sofa right now, with the cat besides me. In a bit, I'll put my tea in the oven and have a long soak in the bath, and later get into my lovely bed with line dried clean bedding. On my own.

I prefer the single life these days. In my fifties and can't be arsed. 😉

Well you have to deal with your feelings of guilt. He doesn't expect you to change and you can't expect him to. As long as he's happy getting stuff done just appreciate the progress! I would love to have a busy husband!

My mum had the same situation, she's learned to just relax and let him be, it's his version of down time.

Thanks everyone. It's my issue, no real reason to feel guilty. My mum has always been incredibly active, still is, and so is DH. And I used to be, I just haven't got the energy anymore!

My DH is just like this. He was a workaholic for years, took early retirement at 55 (which he loves) but is always doing something. I’m currently lying on the sofa scrolling while he’s in the kitchen doing all the ironing. He never stops. He’s got lots of hobbies, does loads of sport, and if he’s at home he’s doing housework, decorating, fixing something, doing the garden…

I used to feel lazy (I have ME/CFS) and always felt like I should be doing something too. He never puts pressure on me, quite the opposite, but it would still make me feel useless. Now I’ve just accepted that’s how he is, and let him get on with it. He’s happy, I’m happy.

We moved house last year and there are quite a lot of things that need doing. But I just need some down time

So when will you help with the things which need doing?

@Bestyearever2024 I do loads, but we have had a really busy week and weekend.

I do a lot of the garden - which needs starting from scratch - but it's too wet and soggy to do much at the moment. DH has decided we should have a pond, which is a great idea, but when he's got an idea like that he wants to start digging it out straightaway. Whereas I'm of the view that it doesn't need to be done this weekend, I'm happy to dig out a pond and go and buy the liner etc another weekend when we're less busy.

I've done all the cooking, including batch cooking for next week. So now I want to chill.

So chill!

This is definitely a you issue. He's not calling you lazy, he's not pressuring you into getting on with stuff, so this is just you guilting yourself about it.

Just keep telling yourself it's not a problem, and try and relax!

me too. 25 years I have been waiting to have my curtains put up in a pole

my husband procrastinates for decades - I not even joking

can you send him around to mine please. I was doing a phd and three Jos and cooking every night and lots of volunteer work as a charity trustee and went into psychosis. my husabnd did nothing. I didnt even have curtains at my window and he is a high earner

Yes dh tends to keep pottering about.

Get your bloodwork done, just in case you're low on iron or have thyroid issues coming on but otherwise, chill.

Let him get on with stuff.