Grandparents smacking

[bluebananas1]

Not my sons grandparents just to clarify but keen to here other peoples opinions. Yesterday when I was o it with DS there was a little boy about 1-18 months (I'm not good at guessing ages) with his grandparent in the soft play, he was hitting a few of the other kids if they went near him including DS, she was clearly apologetic and I told her not to worry about it as a lot of them go through this stage. He done it again to a little girl and she shouted and him and smacked his hand quite hard, not a little tap.

I was then in the park later that day and heard a grandmother threatening to smack the boys bum for trying to lift his scooter on a piece of equipment. I know of a family member who smacks granddaughters hand if she bites. I'm unsure if the parents know but I've heard and witnessed it a few other times apart from this and prior to this I really didn't think it was a thing anymore, I would never want to do this to DS despite him really pushing boundaries sometimes. I know it was more normal in the older generation but I often wonder if the parents are aware. Is this still quite commom?

It's currently half term and on various outings with the kids this week I've seen numerous clearly stressed grandparents struggling with kids. I'm guessing they don't usually have them, and have been roped on for childcare. Obviously I'm not saying it's alright, but I can see when out of their depth or under pressure they might revert to what they did with their own children. It's one of the reasons I don't use family childcare.

Well I just think smacking is wrong whether by parents or grandparents doesn't make it any better/worse. I am not up to date but I thought it was illegal to smack children in the UK?

Obviously some cultures think it is fine though 🤔 Poor kids

Got to say though I think the situations you described though aren't that bad. In one instance the child was hitting other children and I don't think way it was dealt with all that wrong. Second instance was just a threat of a smack - that's completely different to walloping a child

So they were trying to teach him that hitting is wrong by doing the exact same thing to him 🙄. I hate smacking but I also think a lot of parents expect Grandparents to do an amount of childcare that they simply can not cope with. The child you observed would have been much better off being cared for in a nursery than by stressed, overwhelmed Grandparents threatening to smack him.

If I was aware that grandparent was smacking / had smacked my child you bet they would no longer be looking after my child ever again as a minimum and I would seriously be considering my relationship with them and my child - it is assault.

Maybe she was just threatening to smack him as a deterrent? Even then I think that’s out of order and I’d be very annoyed with any of my child’s grand parents for doing that. And if they ever did actually smack my children I would absolutely cut contact. It is illegal to smack children in Scotland… as it should be everywhere!

Yes this is exactly what I thought, smacking him for hitting others, where's the logic? I felt so sorry for him, he was just a baby really.

I also thought it was illegal, but wasn't 100% sure. If my own parents did this to DS (they look after him twice a week) they'd never ever be left unsupervised with him again, I can't imagine they ever would but it did worry me seeing that clearly that generation still think it acceptable.

Threatening with a smack and actually doing it are 2 different things though.

I'm not against smacking per se though, if I was then I expect I wouldn't have been impressed either.

Only in Scotland.

I wouldn't see Grandparents who smacked or threatened to smack my kids tbh.

Yes, it is an old school of thought that doing it to them will stop them. If a child bites, it's a fairly long standing advice to bite them back. Not hard enough to even leave a mark, just enough for them to understand its not nice so they don't do it again. Same with smacking. They hit, hit them back, they know it hurts so stop. Isn't that what they say about bullies? And the kid hitting back will likely hit them harder than you would. Not saying I agree with it. Just age old is if you do it to them they stop. Using as punishment is different though. Thats just teaching them violence when angry is ok.

It's illegal in Wales to smack now.. I mean think of it, it's basically assault.
Would you smack a grown adult during a disagreement?

It's not great, and it sounds like parents/grandparents aren't coping well.

Persistent hitting resulted in a smack on the hand - is it good or model (grand)parenting? No. Is it a massively disproportionate reaction? No. Just not effective, not a good habit.

@bluebananas1 its ironic isn’t it? We teach our children to be kind, not to hit, not to tell lies, or steal. We teach them to try and resolve problems by talking and maybe compromising, to help. And they grow up and watch their governments bomb other people, starve them, fail to house people, lie and cheat, and take take take.

My 'D'M used to smack my nephew a lot. Very regularly. My sister was very much aware and did nothing. My nephew ended up with an injury requiring a trip to A&E after trying to dodge my mother taking a swing for him. She was still allowed to babysit and 'discipline' him. She was never left alone with my kids for that reason.

My dh parents smacked my daughter when she stayed there. They haven't seen the kids for years now.
Gave them another chance to see them but they don't forgive me for having a go at them for hitting my child?! 😂 they are insane. The granddad also pushed my other child on his chin for not listening. Was told all Jamaicans do that as discipline...Erm your son is one and doesn't! Totally against it all.

Yes my mum has previously smacked my children and has threatened to as well like “don’t do that or you’ll get a smack” she also put soap on my nephews tongue when he called her a bitch (picked it up at his fathers house)

I'm a grandparent (and care for my toddler grandson several days a week)

I've never smacked him, never would, and I didn't smack my own children.

I'm not sure what you mean by 'that generation' either... I'm 56, my own Mum is 77 and she never ever smacked me either!

I think it's an education/upbringing issue (and possibly social/economic status one too) but I spend an awful lot of time at toddler groups, soft play, social activities and I can assure you that smacking is both rare to see, and definitely not confined to 'that generation' The only time I have seen children threatened/and or smacked in public has been by a young parent!

Do you think that no people of your age ever smack their children? Or that all grandparents do?

You are being ageist and, as someone of grandparent age, I find this really offensive

Meh, I'm not against smacking completely. I smacked my DC on a couple of occasions and was smacked by my parents, and am not upset by it in the slightest. Consequently, I wouldn't be upset if my parents smacked DC if they had felt it warranted at the time, although I don't remember this ever happening. Interestingly I read on MN smacking is outdated and not done any more but that isn't what I see/hear in life out and about. Perhaps depends where you are and who you mix with.

Same for me. Smacking is very much the norm with everyone I know and everyone I know smacks their kids/ has admitted to smacking, I was laughed at for saying I wouldn’t smack mine. I was smacked growing up and it doesn’t bother me at all.

Hopefully it was just a threat of a smack. I’m under 30 but was belted by my parents. I would never raise a hand to children or animals but I did once catch myself saying “you’ll get your bum smacked” to my puppy when he was being a dick. It really shocked me and just slipped out in such a jovial tone I think because it was said to me so many times (although not jokingly like I said to DDog). I have never threatened any kids or said it to the dog since so hopefully it was just a similar slip up for the grandmother.

It's definitely illegal in Scotland.

I don’t know anyone who would admit to smacking their children. I’m quite shocked that it is ‘very much the norm’ in your circle/area and that you were ridiculed. My mother did smack us and while I think it was possibly common at the time I would be furious if she laid a finger on my DC.

yes very much the norm with everyone I know. My ex was mad I wouldn’t let him smack the kids and acted like I had taken his parental rights away for not allowing him to smack and even told my family “but she won’t let me smack the kids” you are seen as a weak or pushover here if you don’t smack.