5 year olds and navigating friendships

[lemonandlime99]

I promise to unclench! Be kind. First time mum with another on the way...hormones 😩

My DD5 is in reception, she has a "best friend" in another class who she plays with at break time and lunch. I've asked her about friends she has made in her class, but she seems to be totally obsessed with this best friend (they knew each other from nursery)...
Recently, and I've witnessed at pick up she waits to say bye to them and then follows them around, he playing with cars or whatever doesn't really acknowledge.
He said to her recently that he wants to play with other friends and that they play together too much..
She said she was sad and would try again on Monday to play again at break time.
I've been trying my best to guide her to making friends with some of the children in her class. But she says she has a best friend.

Ahh! Why is this so hard. What else can I do?
What can I say?

There’s an amazing book called ‘How to Be a Friend: A Guide to Making Friends and Keeping Them’. It very good and really helped mine when she was that age

I'd leave them to it, you cant stop your child talking to him and you also cant make your child be interested in anyone else.

Console her if shes upset and remind her there are plenty of people to play with and how sometimes not everyone will play with us all the time.

It's the truth its life.

Part of school life is learning about navigating friendships, and you can't do that for them.
All you can do is to encourage her to play with other children.
There will always be issues over school friendships.

Set up some play dates with other kids? This is a boy/girl friendship? In my experience they are unusual and rarely survive beyond the first couple of years at school. It does happen but it is not common. Find out who she engages with in the class and try and have them for tea would be my suggestion.

@Smartiepants79 I'm not sure how to set up play dates with other children in her class...

I ask her about the other children, girls in particular and she says "oh I don't want to play with them...I have XXXX he's my best friend"

@TheCookieCrumblesThisWay thank you I'll check that book out. It looks really helpful,

Honestly just do some playdates. Get some kids around, she'll see that they are nice too. At 5 a lot of the input needs to come from you.

@Dotdashdottinghell not that easy. The drop off is very rushed, line up in they go. Same with pick up. No what's app group.
Not sure what to do.
Some PP saying leave them to it.
Feel like she needs help finding some friends who are girls. Boys just play different at that age. Lots of talk of chasing and hitting with sticks, not happy with that

I agree with setting up playdates. OP my DS is like this, fixated on one friend. It's easier said than done though! Maybe put this out there with some mum's at the next classmate birthday party and see who is interested.

@lemonandlime99 kindly if you want to do something about it, then find a way.
Are you sure there's no class WhatsApp? There usually is by now, have you asked? If not why not set one up?
Do you make the effort with other parents at drop off and pick up? You say it's rushed, they all are, but people still swap numbers and make acquaintance with people.
Just find out who dd likes, make a bee line for them, say "DD would love Joanie over to play, can I give you my number?"
DD was obsessed with a girl who wasn't especially nice, it led to lots of tears. I had to put the work in, organising play dates and outings, I had every single girl in her class over to play! She saw that they were viable alternatives to the other kid and branched out her friendships. It tool work though, you have to put yourself out there. Or you can just leave it, but you can't have it both ways unfortunately.

Hi there, I know I’m very late to the conversation. I’m just wondering if you are able to share how things are now for your little one? :)

The advice to remind your kid that not everyone will want to play with them all the time and leave them to work it out for themselves is the best advice, seriously. My kid is on the other side of this equation (doesn't really want a best friend but gets hived off by kids who do). If it becomes a real issue for the other child, their parents will speak to the teacher and the teachers and TAs will do some sensitive whole-class teaching and work on subtly supporting your kid to play with others - I have talked to her teacher a couple of times where it has become a bit much for her and the teacher has always noticed it already and is already working on it. It's hard, but you're not there with her all day, so there's a limit to what you can do, and she will learn faster and better if she has to solve these problems herself.

@Hopeful20000hi! It’s been a while since I posted this. My DD has moved up a year since , different class and made different friends. She isn’t obsessed with this one friend anymore. They were a boy, and boys are “silly” now 😃.
As time went on, she just kind of got on with it and the class became more and more familiar- strangers were now friends and classmates…
I learnt alot that year!
I listen and I acknowledge when she’s had a bad day…
Try and get her to work out what to do..

I think it’s working but I’m sure the next thing is just around the corner - such is parenting.

Hope that helps