Didn't get internal promotion

[pqoei]

Just feeling more dejected than expected. Have never been through internal applications and feel a bit embarrassed really, to lay it all out there and them say it's not enough. Then back to normal with them on Monday. Have a 1:1 with the manager who called on Thursday to say I didn't get it.

The role went to three who had been doing the interim job. Feedback is that I don't have enough experience with XYZ. Well my manager was on the shortlisting and interview panel. He knows exactly what experience I have. So why put me through this if he already knows the others have more experience in XYZ and they are prioritising that. Should have just said no prior to interview.

I couldn't apply for the interim job as a I was pregnant and about to go on leave. It's widely accepted among the team that I would have been front runner for the interim job had I not had mat leave. And then I would have had experience in XYZ.

Anyway

Just feeling unexpectedly demotivated, taking it way too personally, keep crying.

Can anyone relate and will I feel better soon?

You will feel better & I know it’s cheesy but you will learn from the experience. Can you ask for the opportunity to learn XYZ?

Don’t feel bad or embarrassed- good on you for going for it! I’ve not got internal promotions and it does sting but when colleagues haven’t been successful with the same you think nothing less of them.
Your manager clearly thinks you’re a good colleague and it wouldn’t be appropriate to talk you out of applying if you meet a decent amount of the criteria. The timing of that interim job sounds frustrating but there will be more opportunities.
Let the tears out and go in Monday with your head held high. Make it clear you want to progress and ask your managing for support to upskill in the areas you need.
Theres always more opportunities👍🏼

I’ve not got the internal promotion when I was DOING the interim job. Now that stings. Maybe they’re smashing it and want that to continue? Don’t feel bad look elsewhere, make them know you’re a flight risk and maybe they won’t take you for granted.

Ah that’s tough, really really tough, I feel for you.
You sound like you are licking your wounds and feel humiliated.

I’ve been there.

I was mortified and embarrassed and catastrophied that everyone thought I was shit.
My colleague went for promotion twice and was knocked back, applied for promotion in another department twice didn’t get it and just shrugged! Couldn’t give a toss.

I wish I was like this!

Ok, do self soothing stuff over the weekend, brush yourself off, chin up and get yourself into work on Monday.
Smile, feel fucking proud that you do an awesome job now, and carry on doing what you do.
Draw a line under it it. Crack on.

Your manager might not have known that the other person would come out ahead until everything was totted up. More places are using point systems these days.

It sounds as if they thought you were good enough to give it a shot. And it's an unfortunate truth that having kids does set our careers back.

The best thing that you can do is regroup and plan to get that experience you need.

Did they stop you applying for the interim job as you were about to go on mat leave? This is discrimination if so and has directly led to you not getting the job this time too

Thank you, everyone, for your understanding.

I feel like they're expecting me to want to desperately try to get the missing experience in XYZ, put myself forward for extra, whereas actually I feel like sticking to the exact words of my current job description. Let the people that are paid more (those who got the promotion) to take on that extra responsibility and stress.

I'm generally very ambitious so I'm sure that will pass and I will want to prove myself.

I said to them 'well it doesn't make sense for me to apply for this interim role as it nearly directly covers my maternity leave' and they didn't disagree. But no there's nothing in writing saying 'you can't apply' etc.
They didn't commit maternity discrimination while I was off and fail to inform me of other internal opportunities. I don't have the energy to pursue that though. I wanted to come back positive and push for this promotion...
I didn't recognise that the interim roles were going to become permanent opportunities, maybe if I had I would have considered further.

Sorry, above should say 'they did commit'

That isn't necessarily true if it was a fixed term role that couldn't be fulfilled because of mat leave

Interview experience is never bad experience, even when you don't get the job.

Go to the 1:1, get feedback and use that to develop yourself. Ask for the opportunistic you need to develop xyz. Do you have annual objectives/development plans? Get it on your next one. Ask to shadow someone doing it. Cover someone doing it when they are on leave. Ask for some training. It's nothing to be embarrassed out, but use this an as opportunity to develop.

Also, it's not a negative to slow down your career progression to spend time on maternity leave or working PT when you have young children. That time at home is very valuable too. It's ok to have different priorities for a while.

Me too!! Gutted!! A year later I was a grade more senior.

I feel like they're expecting me to want to desperately try to get the missing experience in XYZ, put myself forward for extra, whereas actually I feel like sticking to the exact words of my current job description

I’ve been there and understand why you feel that way, however is not having experience in XYZ is holding you back, and they’re offering to give you the opportunity to gain that experience, you’re shorting yourself in the foot by not taking the opportunity. Promotions often go to people who have done a bit more than their job description, because in doing so they’ve gained valuable skills and knowledge.

I know it feels embarrassing to not get an internal promotion, dust yourself off, listen to the feedback and go from there. I didn’t get a promotion last year that really should have been a shoo-in got me. I decided to look elsewhere and now have a more interesting job, with more money and better working hours. Sometimes it’s worth filling in the gaps and staying, sometimes it’s worth making a move - only you will know which is right for you.

OP just to send hugs and sympathy.

I've been there myself many times. I've been at my company 13 years, and every time and had multiple rejections both for sideways and upwards moves (including things the hiring manager has actively encouraged me to apply. Plus some great opportunities that have come up at the wrong time on mat leave.

But on the other side have retained my ambition and been promoted 3 times (now in a senior leadership position). And I've probably ended up in a better place as a result.

What I've learnt is you can never control the pool, or circumstances. Sometimes it's about being in the right place at the right time. It can really sting and be upsetting.

But what you can do now is get yourself into a positive timeframe, get feedback and smash the next interview you go for.

Good luck xx

Thanks everyone. Appreciate the replies and support. Just stings right now. In a few days hopefully I'll have a more conducive mind set.

I posted a very similar matter on another thread, OP. My firm has undergone a restructure, and there was a promotion post available that had my name all over it. I was unsuccessful, and I felt (still feel) embarrassed, deflated, unmotivated, and unappreciated. So, yes, I understand. I'm lots older than you, though (long past young children phase), so I'll just plod along where I am.

You're entitled to take time out to lick your wounds and regroup. It's quite a slap in the face, and I was shocked at my reaction yo my situation, so I'd imagine you are, too.

Yes, I relate to all those feelings there. I hope you've managed to find some peace with the emotions

I was unsuccessful with an internal application for a senior post (a directors post. ) The successful applicant was from another branch elsewhere in the country, and moved to take up the post. (I was already at head office). When later we were introduced, at first I felt very negative towards her, and had to have a good talk with myself, to be able to genuinely welcome her. We ended up being really good friends. Once she had told me her prep for the interview I could see how she got the job. Several years earlier she had begun to prepare for the post. She had first employed a (very expensive) Life Coach. He was in a senior position himself. Following his advice, she went round senior management, told them she would welcome promotion in the future, and asked what they would recommend as a way forward? This was because her coach had advised ‘Don’t expect folks to assume that doing a good job will automatically lead to promotion - you have to let management know so they see you with different eyes’. Another tip was ‘dress like the next level up do’. She had had feedback from the other managers about an additional course that would help, so went off and successfully completed it. In other words she had seriously worked and planned for the job - and frankly, she deserved it. In the meantime I had sat back thinking just doing a great job was sufficient. It wasn’t.
Inspired by her, and by her advice, I went off and did a MBA by distant learning (cost a fortune but regarded it as an investment) and ended up in a very senior advisory role in a completely different field, and within a few years had a totally different, and very fulfilling, career path.
It was really hard to go back to work that Monday after not getting the post, and even harder to psyche up to make friends with her, but I’m so glad I did. She absolutely changed my life for the better, plus ended up as a great friend.
You just never know - sometimes not getting the job can be far more helpful in the long term. Best wishes in your career.