Second child - what's your top life hack

[LuckyMum1989]

Hello!
Husband and I have a DD (5) and DS arriving in the next few weeks.
I'm a SAHM and my husband works FT, not far away 9-5.
Things are pretty steady (although financially tight) and the dynamic is a happy one.

Any life hacks for:
Adjusting from 1 to 2 (on a shoestring budget)?
Helping a DD adjust to big sisterhood?
Life hacks for changing nappies of a boy instead of a girl?
Things to buy to make life easier?
Things NOT to bother with buying as it's not worth the money?

What's your top tip?

Nappy changing - make sure you point his penis down at all times. Wipe over his bladder with a cold baby wipe and wait a few seconds, hopefully he’ll wee then, and not in your eye.

Maybe tricky with only a few weeks left but make sure your child and husband (!) are as independent as possible. Child’s uniform is clearly labelled in one drawer so they can get them out themself and dress themself. Make it’s DH responsibility to make sure uniform is washed and put away at the weekend with enough uniform for the week. Make sure she can access the fruit bowl herself if she wants a snack.

Cook twice as much and eat the same thing either two days in a row or with a days gap.

We found wafting the nappy and then putting it back over DS worked to stop him weeing on us. The cold seems to trigger them weeing! Talk to DD about the noises babies make, play some crying and babbling on YouTube so it doesn't surprise her that babies make a lot of noise.

Get her involved as much as possible. DS sang twinkle twinkle to my belly every evening and gave DD (bump) a kiss goodnight so he was well in the mindset of being kind to baby. He also loved big brother jobs like getting clean nappies and wipes and putting the dirty nappies in the bin for me.

Do you have anything leftover from DD's babyhood? I always recommend a prep machine, always found them a lifesaver! I got a jumperoo for DD this time (DS never had one) and didn't find it to be anything special. Was good for containing DD for a while whilst we got on with cleaning and stuff but otherwise not really worth it for how expensive they are

I also have 5 year gap, new baby has to fit in with your current routine, especially bath time, reading time, do it all together, also let baby cry to see to daughter, showing her that it's not always baby that comes first.

Get organised with food and laundry.
Now is a good time for Dd to learn how to put her clean clothes away.
Food wise - meal plan and prep in the morning. Find some good one dish recipes and batch cook for the freezer for those days when baby is hard to settle and your exhausted.

Get everything ready the night before.
I found 'no one goes downstairs until we're washed and changed, including the baby' worked well. Especially for school runs.

Go out as much as you can.

Following although my age gap is over 10 years I’m also curious about the gender difference and what to prepare.

I had the buggy set up downstairs, with a bit of offcut carpet for it to be parked on, so DD could be put for naps in there and I could keep an eye on 3yr old DS while rocking her. I spent HOURS rocking DS and trying to get him to nap upstairs in his cot which, with hindsight, was an utter waste of time.

DD was 3.5 years old when DS was born and she wanted to help out, so I let her help with things.
Nursery also got her used to being a big sister so her friends with siblings and her used to chat with the nursery staff so she was really looking forward to him coming ... initially it was a firm no! Mummy, daddy, me only 😵‍💫

If they both need something at the same time, do the quickest first. So 5yo needs a snack and baby wants milk? Sort the snack first. Baby done a poo but 5yo wants a book reading? Nappy first. But 5yo wants to show you their certificate from school... baby can wait a minute for nappy.

Try to get 1-1 time with 5yo still.

Get 5yo to sing to baby in the car if they get upset!

Travel cots make a good safe place for baby if you need the loo etc but 5yo is fascinated with baby.

Lower your standards , then lower them some more 🤣, tidying , cleaning , food just make them easy and quick. You may be a SAHM but you will not be presenting DH with a polished home and freshly ironed slippers every night with a baby and a 5yr old ..

disagree with “ everyone dressed including baby before we go doenstairs”. Baby only needs a clean nappy. He won’t suffer doing the school run in pjs …

willy pointing down in nappies and expect a wee when you take a nappy off so wait for it / cold wipe etc . Don’t buy special “ peepee tents “ or what ever to cover with 😂. Otherwise a baby is a baby. They are all different it ain’t gender related .

And for crawling/cruising stage... all small toys/crafts etc done at table out of reach so baby can't interfere.

Some brilliant tips there!! Thankyou so much!!! ❤️

DD only weed once while I was actually changing her EVER. My brother (who has a DS) just laughed and said "with a boy, that average is about to go WAY up!" 😅😅

I think DD has weed on us more times than DS ever did so don't be so sure about the averages 🤣

Get older one very used to daddy doing bedtimes and taking her out for a couple of hours at the weekend. Also staying with whoever she'll go to when you're in labour. Means when you have a newborn you don't have to split yourself in two or worry about her feeling pushed out - it will just be normal for daddy to do those things with her

Try to keep DD's routine as the same as it was before. I remember taking newborn dd to ds' gymnastics class and it really helped him as it was normality plus we were doing something 'for him' rather than everything being about the new baby.

Same with birthday parties, play dates etc. It's hard but try to keep up with these things with the baby slotting in somehow.

Also mentally prepare yourself for the tricky conversations and try to have something breezy and brief prepared to say back then change the subject. It's a huge adjustment for kids and they sometimes say things they don't mean. E.g. ds adored dd right from the get go (3.5 year gap) then after a few months threw me some curve balls "mummy I don't want kid X to be part of the family anymore", "I miss when it was just u, me and daddy" etc. Just remember they don't really mean it and it passes. Dd is nearly 2 now and the kids both absolutely adore each other. It was just an adjustment.

I came by to say:

have about a five year gap

so you are already wining!

get the book ‘Calm Parents Happy Siblings’ and follow its advice

great ideas to prep your older one and following guides to what to do and not to do to build their relationship into a positive one.

for when they are a bit older I particularly like the games she suggests (also good ‘play therapy’ games that really helped my older one release some trauma while I was on may leave with no 2)

mine are now 10 and 5 and have a lovely relationship and I am grateful everyday for them and how happy we all are together

I think it's just baby dependent how much they wee. But point the willy down. They get erections right from birth and if it's pointing the wrong way they will just wee straight out of the nappy.

When you potty train put a cheerio or a ping pong ball in the toilet to aim at.

Siblings - lots of "our baby" and don't big up the big sibling being so grown up as it will be a sore point for them. Keep referring to her as "my baby" too. You could do "My baby girl" and "My baby boy"?

Try not to get involved in their play/interaction even if you are alarmed by it as long as the baby is happy and safe. Remember that younger siblings survive their big siblings. Avoid any stories about big siblings actually injuring the baby, look for hilarious story threads on MN where everyone shares their moments between the baby/big sibling, where the baby was absolutely fine.

Redirect overenthusiastic play attempts e.g. don't be like "No!!! You're going to hurt him!" try "Oh, see if you can tickle his feet - he will like that" Also, big up any interaction from the baby even when they are in that pre-interacting stage like "Oh, baby really loves those tickles!" "Look, he's falling asleep. He must feel safe with you."

And on the other side, you can pretend to tell the baby off when they do something like flail their arm and "hit" the bigger sibling even though you know they don't understand and can't even control their arm yet. It just helps the big one to know that they aren't being treated differently.

Also along these lines if you are doing something for the big one and the baby is crying then talk to the baby (for the sibling's sake mainly) saying "I will be with you in a minute. I am just helping big sister right now. She needs me here. Don't worry. I'll be there soon." Helps big sister see she is not the only one who needs to wait and be patient sometimes.

Slings are great. Buy a stash of one-handed activities you can do with 5yo while breastfeeding. Number/letter workbooks are good, also colouring, stickers, some board games (but beware anything that will be ruined if the baby jolts the board)

Expect a temporary regression from the 5yo in things like sleeping, eating, toileting, behaviour, independence. Don't try to fix it, just love her through it and she will come out of it fairly quickly.