Are difficult customers also difficult family/friends?

[Dracomalfoysmum]

I work in a frontline customer service role dealing with a lot of unhappy people. Vast majority are fairly reasonable-unhappy but not particularly difficult-but at least 10% are exceptionally difficult-eg shouting on phone, swearing, repeatedly contacting to jam phone line, racist, sexist and manipulative in an abusive/gaslighting sort of way.

I only come across people behaving like this in my job and I always wonder what these people are like with their family and friends. I wonder if their partner/child/parent/friends knows they behave like that and if they behave that way towards them too? I don’t think any of my family or friends would act that way but maybe they do and I just don’t see it!

Curious to know if anyone is friends or family with someone who they know is an exceptionally difficult customer and are they also like that in ‘real life’?

The ones I’ve had the misfortune to know are, yes.
Twat in public, bigger twat behind closed doors. Difficult, demanding and abusive.

Yes, one of my siblings is extremely difficult both in public and private. Unless they want to be nice, in which case they’re fawning and obsequious.

My dad is difficult in public and is just the same if not worse at home.

It seems to that there are covert nasty people who are only nasty in certain situations, ie to customer service workers. They seem to think this is an acceptable way to behave. These people are nicer to those they consider to be further up the hierarchy. So they are probably nice to their family/ friends.

When I worked in such roles I saw more of these covert types than the bad tempered bullies.

Yes, differently awful but on a similar level.

My FIL was obnoxious and spoke down to waiting staff and would joke about being difficult on the phone. I didn’t like him at all, he was a massive bully. I stood up to him, my name after that was mud. He was so used to just never being corrected or challenged ever. How he had such a mild mannered lovely son, my DH I will never know. I suppose he gave him a great example of how not to behave.

OMG yes! Have been absolutely mortified by step-parent's behaviour to staff when out. Ironically he works in hospitality too. Is also difficult and unpleasant in other situations.

The time that leaped immediately to mind was when I went with a friend and her mother to a lovely Lebanese restaurant DH and I often went to, because they were considering having them cater my friend’s wedding. I did know this woman was difficult, but her behaviour was so demanding, critical and insulting I should have left (but felt obligated as friend was casting me pleading glances). I did go back the next day with flowers to apologise to the staff.

Which is a long way round to say, yes, in this case, she was a dreadful mother, abusive, controlling, critical, unloving, and my friend is now permanently estranged from her for her own sanity.

My dad was a rude, nightmare customer if something wasn't to his satisfaction. He didn't complain for the sake of it, but his complaints were always rude and impolite, over the top and he would get shouty and sweary. He never just gave someone the benefit of the doubt or the opportunity to rectify something.
At home he was also quick tempered, shouty and sweary and we were often on eggshells. One to one with any of us kids he was fine but we were all scared of him on some level though he never hurt us physically or verbally abused us on a personal level...it was more anger at the world. In hindsight and from the advantage of being an adult I'd say he was stressed, depressed and highly unhappy with life.
Once my parents divorced, he retired and lived alone and he mellowed hugely. He was a different person for the last 10 years of his life.
But in answer to the OP, yes. Difficult customer, difficult family life.

Someone I know and unfortunately can't completely avoid in life is extremely rude to people providing a service. She is delightful if you're on the right side of her, but she can go from zero to extremely rude, shouty, and abusive in seconds. I suspect she's not a very happy person. She's had some unfortunate things happen in her life and I'm not sure how at peace she is with it all. I feel sorry for her but I've also been on the receiving end and it's so unpleasant. She comes across as unhinged.

I highly suspect so. I dealt with many many customers/members of the public in my previous role, some just understandably frustrated but the odd few you just knew they were deeply unpleasant and in some cases, abusive. One lady in particular was the worst phonecall I'd ever had, not shouting but manipulative, cold, and just awful. I could hear her being awful to her partner in the background too 😔

I think you probably come across people having a really bad day more than you come across really awful people.

I've been known to lose it with customer service staff when I'm very stressed over something and they're unbable/unwilling to help, and I'm embarrassed about that, but 364 days a year I'm perfectly lovely 🤣

You can be perceived as being difficult without ever raising your voice or being rude, though. My DP will stand his ground and give customer service a hard time if he needs to, but he is absolutely polite and never raises his voice. He is assertive rather than difficult imo (and I have learned from him how to be the same in those situations) but of course we could be called 'difficult' by some just because of that!

I’m not sure if these responses make me feel better or worse that it sounds like this behaviour happens in other areas of these people’s life too! on one hand, nice to know it isn’t personal but on the other hand that can’t be nice behaviour for their family and friends to have to deal with!

@CrunchyCarrot I actually think being assertive is quite reasonable behaviour, especially when faced with poor customer service . But I often find it is the tone and language used while being assertive that can sometimes tip the behaviour to feeling very difficult/abusive! I think some people think they are ‘just being assertive’ but they’re actually being horrible (not saying that’s you!).

I too work directly with customers. Some of them are really unreasonable, shouting and being really rude to get what they want. Others, put their point across assertively.

The former may win a few battles, but they don’t get what they want in the long run. I don’t go above and beyond for rude people. I’ll do the bare minimum for them. I’ll go out of my way for polite, respectful people. Any limited offers, I’ll give to nice people.

When my colleagues are upset at being treated disrespectfully, I remind them that these people are just showing you the tip of their iceberg. To get to the point where you shout, and are rude, you must have a pretty horrible life, or be a very toxic person with few friends. And so, they are to be pitied, as come 5.30pm, you’ll be going home, but they’ll still be a tw@t.

People who are rude and disrespectful are also thick as mince as you don’t get anywhere in life being like this.

He’s definitely.

Plus it used to always baffle me when someone would be vile to me (worked in a high street bank branch) and they would have a lovely lovely spouse. I’ve seen men walk away and hide from their wives in shame for the way they would be speaking to me or my colleagues. I used to think what sort of life do you have at home when this is what your spouse is like in public.

I found wives tended to calm their spouse down if it was the husband kicking off or just stand there completely mute - it used to make me sad for them.

Yes I always find people who don’t understand what they are shouting about to be the worst.

@RaspberryStrawberryBlueberry I love your attitude. Its mostly true, there is a different between an obnoxious bully type who enjoys power, and an angry rude person who is deeply unhappy. The former needs to be stood up to, the latter needs to be ignored and pitied. I don't know if I'll ever have your maturity, I am never rude but can be really upset if people are rude to me.

Very close correlation likely.

I have certainly used the comeback once "Shouting at me? Oh dear...Is that as reasonable as you can get? Wow... wonder what are like behind the closed doors? I hope you are not married. Poor spouse. Is that how you treat your kids and hope they still visit you in nursing home if that's how you deal for not getting your way!" (not customer service situation though)

Life really is alot easier and flowing much better when your nice and polite.
The people mentioned here have personality flaws.

@RaspberryStrawberryBlueberry I love your philosophy!

Although have to say that my experience is that the most difficult of difficult customers I have come across are the manipulative ones and they are often graduates in positions of positions of power.

That's definitely been my experience - the people I know who are rude to service staff are definitely people who are difficult to deal with otherwise.

I’d say yes. My step dad is an arse to customer service/hospitality staff and worse in real life.

Also, I work in a school and you can immediately tell whose kids are whose by the way some parents speak to staff.

When I worked in car garage as a service rep I was absolutely gobsmacked at the behaviour of some people.
one of the worst was a female who’d blamed the garage for brakes failing on a car she’d owned for 27months.. she was ranting and swearing and I refused to deal with her and told her so, it made her shout and swear louder 😳
there was not an ounce of decency in the woman and I’m unsure how exactly she managed her way through life with the attitude she had. I can’t imagine her home life was any better!
some people can be assertive with the way they speak and deal with situations though