I really need advice and ideas desperately….

[Bunbum]

Please don’t see this thread as ‘just another fussy 3 year old’!! I actually am at my wits end.

My son just doesn’t eat and I am becoming increasingly concerned.

He used to eat well, then slowly started refusing certain things. Now he refuses 99% of meals I offer him.

I won’t tell you what he won’t eat because that’s almost everything! What he does eat/drink is…

Breakfast:

• The occasional cheese and black olive toastie for breakfast (rare, perhaps every other week)
• Occasional porridge with strawberries thrown in but again, rare - maybe once per month
• Occasional hard boiled egg but it’s been a good month since he last ate a full one

Apart from that, he has a weak hot chocolate in the morning and mostly just a couple of yoghurts and that’s literally all.

Lunch:

• Eats nothing 90% of the three days he spends at nursery / only eats the pudding if he likes it. Refuses water only requests milk.
• Non nursery days - Tuna or chicken mayo sandwich (on white bread only) but has the tendency to pick it about and only eat the filling
• Pombears (he will eat most crisps but ofc I try not to give these very often)
• Strawberries, sometimes raspberries and sometimes half a banana (he only likes the top half!)
• Again, only milk for drink unless I put his powdered multivitamin (he is only allowed this once per day though) in some water in which case it makes the water taste very sweet so ofc he will happily have that

Dinner:

• Tuna pasta (tends to only eat the tuna and just a few pieces of pasta)
• Chicken breast (literally… plain… chicken breast…)
• He hates to see ‘bits’ aka, black pepper, oregano etc
• He hates anything with sauce…..
• Occasional chicken nuggets or fish fingers but will always only eat around 2

Evenings:

• Another weak hot chocolate before bed
• Sometimes a slice of toast or bagel with butter (once per week?)
• Occasional banana (top half only)

I do tend to give him a couple of yoghurts, malted milk biscuits, yoghurt coated strawberries etc during the day because honestly, I’ve tried waiting it out and seeing how long he goes without eating and it’s worrying - he does NOT give in.

No veg. No protein. No carbs. What do I do?

GP wasn’t overly concerned and just said to track his weight. Health visitor weighed him and surprisingly said he weighs within normal range for his age.

Please - any advice much appreciated.

Thank you

At this stage, I wouldn’t stress too much about what he’s eating nutrition wise.

You have a small list of things he likes. Stick to that, and maybe try and introduce one new thing a week?

Is it a texture/sensory thing? My daughter couldn’t have her foods touching. Once we realised this she eat more if we separated the meal onto different plates, eg chicken on one plate, peas on a second plate, potato on a third.

It could just be a phase, but ignoring it and continuing to offer things he likes with something new every so often should help. Obviously if anything changes or he loses weight go back to the GP.

I have a fussy three year old with a small appetite so this is coming from a place of sympathy and not judgement, but if I gave my DD lots of milk and little snacks like plain biscuits she just would never eat at meals.

What I'd do in your shoes:

Keep breakfast as hot choc and yog, it's not the worst breakfast in the world. My DD isn't a breakfast eater either and this morning asked for cornflakes and then ate ONE. Keep going with whatever multivitamin you can get in him.

Keep alternating between the tuna and chicken sandwiches served with fruit, honestly that sounds like a good lunch? Variety is overrated! If you feel like he's too hungry then a bag of pom bears or a malted milk won't hurt him alongside.

For dinner: have you got a separated plate so no food is in contact with another? If so, I'd make dinner for now a rotation of tuna pasta/chicken breast/fish fingers/chicken nuggets, and put a TINY portion of a veg on the side. Peas/corn/cucumber/pepper/cherry tomatoes are easy to prepare so it's less soul destroying when it's not touched. Other bits and pieces that are healthy might be a good addition to the plate - cheese? A cracker with peanut butter? Even a slice of bread or some plain pasta?

I try and see my role as to offer her the food and it's her job to eat it or not haha. All the best, it's so stressful a toddler not eating well.

If his weight is ok then he's obviously getting sufficient calories. I would cut out the snacks that he is filling up with ie pom pom bears and hot chocolate. Give him his meals and remove what he's left without comment. Totally understand that you are worried but removing any tension at mealtime plus a hungry child may help to get him back on track.

I’ve tried waiting it out and seeing how long he goes without eating and it’s worrying - he does NOT give in

How long has he gone for without eating or drinking anything other than water?

There is quite a lot of calories in milk, how much is he having a day? Could he be filling up on that instead of food? Agree with trying the separate compartment plates. Have you tried letting him play with different food or help “make” his lunch etc. Try letting him cut things up (you can get plastic “sharp” knives) and just leave the food on the board, he may try it that way.
dont stress or make a battle as that will just make it worse. Although know that’s easy to say.

it is very common in children with autism to have extremely limited diets. Not saying your son is autistic, but might he be? Have you heard of ARFID? And please have a read of this article, as it may be worth you pursuing this further as he really could be malnourished desire his weight. https://www.itv.com/news/central/2024-02-13/mum-urges-nhs-to-act-on-eating-disorder-before-another-child-dies#

I think you need to take the pressure off him and yourself OP. He’s a healthy weight so not malnourished so he must be eating enough.
For now, just offer him what you know he will eat. Leave the plate for him then just take it away when he’s done. Don’t try to persuade him to eat, don’t talk about food. Chat about general stuff and don’t draw any attention to him eating or not eating.
May well be a phase so just keep an eye on his weight as HV and Dr have suggested.

Have a read up on Ellyn Satter and the Division of Responsibility. It really helped us.

I don't know if he takes an iron supplement, but low iron can cause poor appetite in children. We had this problem with my son around the pre school years, a week or two after starting iron supplements we noticed a huge increase in the quantity he was eating and he was willing to try some new foods too.

Loads of children that age are plain eaters so try to always offer something he will eat on the side of the foods you want him to eat eg crackers, plain pasta, boiled rice. Then you know at least something is going in.

My 7 year old little boy is very similar to this & has been since he was about 2.5/3years old!
he is still a good weight (not sure how 🙄)
to be honest I put no pressure on it anymore he eats what he eats as long as it’s not just junk food I’m happy! Some days he literally eats a small bowl of cereal (without milk of course how dare the milk touch the cereal 🤣) and maybe half a bagel!
At school he eats maybe a bit more than at home but still not a great amount and usually half a plan jacket potato.
we've found the more we worry and pressure him to eat stuff the worse it gets!
I’m hoping he will grow out of it but no one’s seemed worried and he’s a good weight!

I also have a 3 year old who literally eats all day and will eat his older brothers left overs!

Some really useful advice - thank you so much. I am going to sit down now and make a list of things to change/try and see how we go.

I do also feel quite reassured by your replies - it honestly has been so stressful, particularly in the evenings I often feel like i’m sending him to bed hungry! I mean, he doesn’t appear hungry but I feel like he must be.

Really appreciate your responses and will be following lots of advice following this x