Anti-social behaviour- would you speak up?

[FrenchFancie]

Based off something that happened at the doctors this morning…. Would you stand up to anti-social behaviour, and if not, why?

background - I was sat at the doctors waiting for an appointment this morning when the door bangs open loudly and four young people (late teens early 20’s) come in, swearing, speaking loudly, eating hot food and talking about ‘smashing x’s f*cling face in’. In a few breaths one of the girls drops the C word and a woman, about my age so probably mid 40s says ‘please don’t use language like that in public’ - the girl kicks off loudly shouting ‘I’ll f-inf swear if I f-inf want to’’ etc etc. Nasty loud scene, ends up with all but the patient being kicked out of the doctors. Woman was visibly shaken at the violent reaction of the girl.

it got me wondering - I didn’t say anything because, quite honestly, I was intimidated by the four of them. The town has its rough areas and we’ve had quite a bit of violent crime recently, so despite how on edge the group made me I wouldn’t have said anything. But I quite admire the woman for speaking up - if people don’t challenge anti-social behaviour nothing ever changes.

in those circumstances would you speak up? Do you think people should speak up, or is it not our business to police how others behave?

I think you have to do your own risk assessment in situations like this. I think she was very brave standing up to them, but then she was left shaken by the backlash. I think I would have felt a little too intimidated to have said anything to be honest. If I'd been with someone else, I may have done. I think it all depends on how safe you feel in whatever particular situation. You hear such awful things these days, who's to say they wouldn't wait for you outside if you did confront them. And the amount of knife crime these days, it makes you shudder... 💐

It's grim isn't it - bet the doctor's surgery weren't best pleased.

I think I'd be busy weighing up the situation/threat before I thought about intervening. Some people really come across as being feral, not nice to witness.

I used to speak up, but not anymore. Teens and young adults don't seem to have any boundaries now, and their parents don't seem concerned either. Quite frightening for you all though - sorry.

I realise this is totally missing the point of your post, but OMG - you were actually inside the doctor's surgery? How on earth did you manage this magic? And "waiting for an appointment" - do you mean an actual face to face consulatation with a HCP, as opposed to a rushed telephone call where they have your name and notes completely wrong? I am so impressed. There's a part of me that would put up with swearing just for that :)

lol yes an actual, honest to god face-to-face consultation with an HCP!

all joking aside, my doctors is quite decent and I can get a non urgent appointment in about 10 days and usually get an urgent on the day (DD is a brittle asthmatic so we are frequent fliers at the gp’s)

I wouldn't speak up for swearing as you just get more swearing.
I would only speak up if someone or an animal was getting hurt and make sure I had an exit or some back up of some kind!

I dread this. I do believe that we have to uphold the social norms, but young people can be scary these days.
I hope that in such a situation I would say something, but really the surgery staff should have been there first. Cop out, someone else should say something.

I feel intimidated by primary school kids these days. I was walking with my 4 year old and some boys were playing in the road, as in playing chicken with cars, and I was thinking, I am the adult here, I should say something, but they were as tall as me, and I was kind of hoping they would lose.

I'll share a quick story before I sign off. Due to a combination of neglect, generational poverty, and autism, I spent ages 16-25 living in council flats. While council house estates can have rough areas, nothing compares to flats. There's no easy way to avoid each other (communal hallways) unless you became a hermit. Being a single, shy, girl, woman, I had some significantly bad experiences in all the flats I lived in and was an easy target for harassment.

Thankfully, I now live in my own bungalow with my husband in a rural area, far away from the city. But the last flat I lived in was on a road with about 20 blocks of flats. The couple above me constantly screamed at each other and their little baby day and night. You could hear it from the street. It's hard to convey how stressful it can be to hear doors slamming, stomping on your ceiling, loud music at night, loud foul language and shouting at a baby. It was a living hell and recipe for worse mental health.

I was seemingly the only one brave enough to contact the council and the police, and as a result, I faced hostility and even threats from my neighbours in the block and my nice neighbours became nervous to associaye with me. I was so anxious that I couldn't leave until nighttime with my hood up even if I really needed some milk or pads something. The moral of the story is that few people are willing to stand up to bullies and many fear that if they do they will be left to fend for themselves. Thankfully I was able to get social services in their radar but if my husband hadn't come and basically saved me without his support I may have regretted speaking out, as i would've been stuck there.

Honestly, if my child found themselves in the same situation I was in (though I pray they never do, as I aim to provide them with stability love and a financial safety net etc), I might advise them against speaking out and risking their safety. It's a tough decision, made even tougher by the fact that people who are antisocial often resort to violence. Just look at all the knife crime.

If for example I had a teenage son and he were to witness a woman being abused by a hulking bloke on the street, what would I advise him to do? Should he intervene, risking serious injury or worse? It's a moral dilemma that is hard to decide ans i can understand why many choose not to confront bullies.