Not considering finances: when would you go back to work?

[MoaningMeowing]

Before we had DD we (I) wanted a big family (4+ DC) and therefore I was going to stay at home. DH always offered to be a stay-at-home dad/work part time/support my decision to stay at home. We used to earn about the same but DH throughly enjoys work as it’s actually his ‘dream’ job/company. Myself on the other hand used to work ridiculously long hours, flip between contracts and highly pressured environment.

Since having DD I’ve decided that we’ll probably have one more DC but like heck am I putting my body through more pregnancies than that. I enjoy being a mum to DD but I don’t feel I’m as needed at ‘home’ as I first thought I’m never going to make a great 1950’s house wife.

This is my question: When would you choose to go back to work?

Just as all my mum friends I’ve made on ‘maternity’ are all going back to work. I can imagine life getting quite lonely.

It’s not clear what you’re asking — are you actually on maternity leave from a job or are you a freelancer between contracts?

I've been a SAHM since having my youngest October 2021.

It's been lovely, but I'm planning on going back to work (hopefully) within the next 3 months or so.

My DC is more than ready to attend a nursery setting (he's socialised plenty, but I think he could do with the structure, and I can't justify paying for it when I'm not working) and I'm ready to do something other than be at home.

I think you'll just know when you're ready. A year ago I wasn't, but I am now

Me personally, I went back at 1 year with both of mine, part-time at least. Because I enjoyed working and having time to myself again. And I also wanted to make sure I was eligible for another mat leave for a 2nd baby in the future.

I liked having the flexibility of working part-time, but I definitely wanted to be back working. I needed some variety and to do something more interesting than entertaining a toddler all day. And yes, things did change as people went back to work. It also became a bit staggered and different with friendships after that first year. Some people went back to work so not available during the day. Or we worked different days, so never available on the same day. One went on to have another baby, but then was starting over in the baby phase (her toddler was in nursery), so hanging out with a toddler (me) and a new baby (her) didn't work. One didn't go back to work, but it meant she was skint and wouldn't do anything social anymore. I still liked having some days off with dc, but we didn't really meet up anymore except occasionally on the weekend or for birthdays.

I have no job to go back to but DD is only 6 months. My last contract came to an end, we TTC and decided that I would become a SATM to our potentially big brood. As we were planning on 2 under 2s, I always thought work would be out of the question as those kinds of childcare fees would cripple us. Now we’ve only got DD and won’t be TTC at least for another year, I’ve been thinking about work.

The question is: Not considering finances when would you choose to go back to work after having a DC?

I took a year mat leave, went back for a few months and then left - honestly if money was no issue I probably wouldn’t go back until DC was well into primary school maybe 8/9 or so. That said he does go to nursery 2 days a week so I do have some respite. I would struggle to manage everything on our plate as a household tbh if I was working aswell. I don’t know how parents with kids age 1-4 manage to work and have their lives together. I know of three mums who do this and one of them had a breakdown and the other two were signed off with burnout. If I can avoid it I will…

I went back when DS was about eight months. I hated maternity leave, and started to enjoy parenthood far more when I was combining it with FT work. In your shoes, I’d go back as soon as I found a new contract that worked for me — I don’t see why you wouldn’t? What is your planned childcare situation? How flexible is your DH’s job? Is it possible to choose contracts which are less stressful and have less long hours? I found having a child made me work smarter and more productively, with the constraints of paid childcare in place.

I went back to work full time by choice when DS was 3 months and that is the same plan for when I have my twins in April.

A long maternity leave isn't for me at all.

Finances are such a big part of it though. Pension contributions, savings, affordability of life.

I mean in a perfect life I would stay at home until I felt the children were fine - then go back to my career with no problems but life isn’t like that. You can’t expect a job to be waiting for you if you give it up. You lose skills and you become less attractive to employers. You can’t afford the new clothes and the cleaner or the food and the bills and life becomes harder, more depressing and more dreary. You lose your other identity slowly.

I went part time after my kids and then later became a SAHM for a decade. Now I’m back at work. I felt very very strongly that I needed to be at home with the children but I didn’t realise the full implications of this decision.

So, as we don’t live in a perfect world, I don’t think your question can actually be answered. Reality matters!

If money truly not an issue, prob until youngest is at secondary school. Otherwise I’d just have to get a nanny to juggle drop off and pick up, after school clubs, and school holidays. But, we don’t have any family help, and both (well I previously was) in jobs that aren’t 9-5, so with commute couldn’t physically do it without a lot of paid help!

You will make more mum friends with others in similar situation!

Had my first in 2018 and went back three days a week after a year, then did the same after my second was born in 2020 but I resigned last year. I'm much much happier (but that's because one is in school and the other part time preschool!)

Went back at 9 months with both of mine, I very much needed to go back for my mental health. I had PND and getting back to work, myself and having a routine again not based around nap times etc snapped me out of PND. My career has flourished which has afforded me more flexibility and better family/work balance at a time I actually think the children benefit from it more. If finances weren't an issue I'd have probably taken a full year, but I have no regrets, even now they're older.

If I’d have had childcare available to me, I’d have gone back at 6 months. I didn’t do well by myself on maternity leave and would have found it really lonely if all my mum friends went back and I’d stayed off.

It sounds like you don’t actually love being a SAHM, which is fine. But the only time to go back is when is right for you. You don’t have to go back full time, if finances are OK, I went back 4 days which is the right balance for me. The right balance for you might be 2 days. If you were working on a contract, have you considered freelancing?

In your situation (where it sounds like work is important to you) I'd be starting to look now. It sounds like the longer out of the workplace the harder it might be to get back, and if you are planning to have 2 reasonably close together I think it's useful to have a decent work history in the middle.

You might also find you prefer to take a longer maternity leave the second time round when you have 2 children in the mix personally I found babies deathly dull

Slightly different to you as after I had a miscarriage when DS was 2 we decided not to try again. However, I was getting fed up after a year. Most of my friends from baby groups went back to work then. So I’d say look for something PT to start when your DD is 1.