Most beneficial extracurriculars?

[Zebrabear]

I your opinion what were the most beneficial extracurriculars for your dc's (if you have older ones) & what did you feel they gained from them.
I know sheer enjoyment is the most important thing but some as so expensive for little return.
For my three dds swimming has been the most beneficial as it's a life skill.

Ballet has been invaluable for my sporty DD. She has a bad knee which is triggered by running, football, netball, athletics. The only thing she has managed to maintain is dance which is great for her fitness and posture.

For DS, he loves playing guitar, it's a bit of an emotional release for him, so the lessons were well worth it.

I sort of wish I'd got them into scouts as they loved DofE but school stopped at bronze.

Swimming lessons can be a bit odd... what most kids need is water safety and the ability to swim functionally for a reasonable distance, tread water etc. They really don't need to learn to dive or do butterfly stroke. So unless they really enjoy it and/or have the ability and desire for competitive swimming... much better to switch to messing about on the water.

My girl never really enjoyed the couple she went to. She preferred to just be at home playing with her toys.
She went through a board game phase when she was younger - unfortunately as an only child it meant me and her dad couldn't leave her to it (I didn't mind though - love a bit of Connect 4).
It was quite sad for a while because she was desperate to have friends around after school to just play - but everyone always seemed to be dashing off to one activity or another.
People forget that just hanging out and playing is important too.

I do not believe swimming lessons to be "needed". We took the kids swimming with us every week from age about 2 as swimming is something we both did (and continue to do) for exercise and fitness anyhow.

My daughters both did karate, good for personal discipline and fitness. Both continued til GCSEs got busy. One did piano, the other choir. Both still enjoy these at 21/23.

One dd attended Air Cadets which she really enjoyed until about A level time. She did different things there... shooting, flying, radio usage and protocols, as well as helping out at airshows. She found it exciting and fun, but decided the forces regimented approach did not appeal to her career wise.

It was important for me that dd learned how to swim, but I don't think she got much out of it apart from learning to swim iyswim.

The best extracurriculars, in my view, are the ones that challenge kids and push them out of their comfort zones a bit in order to help to build their confidence. I'm also a fan of anything that involves working in teams with other people and that gives them a supportive social circle outside school. And if there is a physical exercise component involved, all the better. Above all, though, I think it's important for kids to have opportunities to explore their own individual passions, because if they don't love it, they just won't invest the effort.

I don't think it's possible to say which extracurricular activities add the most value because it will be different for every child. The activities that were incredible for my dc might leave yours feeling completely unmoved, and vice versa. Best to be led by your dc. Let them try as many different things as they can when they're little, and then let them follow whatever makes their hearts sing.

I think swimming lessons are needed unless you're willing to take them swimming yourself, sounds like you did. I detest swimming and being in water so I did not take DS swimming myself, lessons were necessary in that case.

A benefit of Scouts and Guides has been the way it brings together friendship groups that were split when they moved from primary to different secondary schools. They love seeing their ‘old village friends’ every week and gives them a different crowd from their new school friends.

Scouts/Guides - so many life skills and opportunities

Part-time job from 13 - this had to be the best life skills they learned - understanding money, and how hard it is to earn, people skills, cash handling, cooking, timekeeping

Sport - again learning to lose, win, and play as part of a team.

There are too many variables. DD has gained a huge amount from dance... but then the school she attends is also the perfect fit for her. She absolutely loves it. Another child would not like the school as much as she does.

Martial arts is one that again, depends hugely on both the child AND the club. We had a club we loved but a few families didn't like it - he was lovely but had very high standards of behaviour and approach and some families wanted a more fun/chilled out vibe. And actually, DS got more out of it than DD did as he's naturally competitive and very resilient.

So basically, you need to think about what your children like - are they sporty? Competitive? Creative? Do they like more or less structure? Are they good with big groups or smaller groups? What's their attention span like - are you looking for something that takes up a whole morning or a couple of shorter sessions a week.

The one I am most dubious about is learning a musical instrument. Of course if your child had genuine talent, that's different but I mean your average not especially musically talented child just about scraping their violin to grade 3 or whatever.

I do think getting into the habit of exercise and keeping active is important

And I think drama can be really good for quieter less confident children

Good question- I’d say team sports for both of them in terms of enjoyment and social side. Both are essentially B team heroes but both very committed and enjoy it. Lamda has been great for confidence in speaking in front of people and not muttering into their boots. Music lessons- I haven’t had huge success. They just don’t practice so I guess just not really for them. I’ll probably bin them at end of this academic year.

Definitely swimming - life skill and it’s the only thing that has kept my non sporty (now teen) active
now it really depends on the kid and what else they do, family hobbies, etc
for me personally Drama was a lifesaver - improved my confidence, got me a very strong group of external friends (while I was being bullied at school), gave me confidence to do public speaking, I will always recommend drama for quieter kids
for DD, while in primary school both rainbows/brownies and scouts were great, lots of new activities and mixing with kids from other schools
music and languages are always lifelong skills

From year 8 onwards, RAF cadets. It's given ours so many amazing opportunities although be prepared for texts saying "got my parachute on, am going up now" which tend to send you into a bit of a panic....

The advice here has been great! It's great to hear from those with older kids about what was most useful. My three really enjoy going to everything but we don't have the financial means to do that😁
The group I mentioned has left a bad taste in my mouth as obviously we're not the type of family they are willing to pander to. It's so cheap but is it pointless when my three are always overlooked despite always putting themselves forward for roles.

Gymnastics and then later a change to trampolining. Great for confidence, friendships outside of school, learning that hard work pays off, learning to lose or win graciously, and to be part of a team.
Swimming when she was little for safety.
Now she chooses to dance because it makes her happy. Overall she's learned that exercise makes her feel better in terms of mood and motivation, and that sometimes doing the hard thing pays off.

DS does jujutsu which benefits him as it's structured social contact that requires discipline. He has autism and ADHD so needs it. It's also teaching him that being small and gentle doesn't mean he needs to take crap off big mean bullies. That his training overrides their physical advantage. Sadly he's already had to test this.

He also does figure skating which buildshis confidence especially around resisting gender norms. He's the only boy in the class.

He also plays saxaphone which has done wonders for his confidence. He keeps getting asked to play at events, like the library's story time. The little kids adore him and he comes away feeling like a superstar, which I hope counters the fact that his peers ignore him.

@MrTiddlesTheCat those activities sound fantastic for your son. And well done to you for finding his strengths & what he loves.

Activities you can do as a family are good, of course. The sailing and windsurfing club we went to when dd was secondary school age was great - mixed sex, mixed age, parents were expected to help with rigging etc but then were encouraged to learn and join in if they weren't already enthusiasts.

Cycling, walking, nature watching type of interests can last a lifetime.

I have always wondered what keeps these people bonded to an activity where they do not get paid , they have no children/grandchildren etc attending and why they are so secretive .

Makes me feel very uneasy

Piano lessons were lifechanging for my son as they unlocked his passion for music and now he's practicing some form of music (bands/orchestras) pretty much everyday and wants to earn a living in music when he is older.

That said we have tried to encourage him with pretty much anything and everything he was interested in - e.g. going to Rubiks cube comps when he was into "cubing".

My son was never into football or sporty (although we did endure a weekly group tennis class from 5-10 years regardless. If he was sporty or particularly enjoyed sport I would have supported him as best I could.

Basically I think encourage/support whatever they like as best you can and as funds allow.

You won't know if they will be a great golfer/chess player/runner/climber/violin player unless they are supported to try.

If the school offers music lessons they can be more affordable e.g. shared 20 minute lessons are £7.50 at my son's school and we can hire instruments (about £37 a term). This has allowed my son to try Saxophone and Violin.

There seems to be a certain type of family they bend over backwards to pander to their kids. It's such a low fee & they are volunteers so it's no skin off their noses if families leave.

My DCs wanted to do any game with ball. Fine but I blocked rugby, it was a few years ago when the reports on head injuries were being mentioned again.
Both can sing, they now have their voices back.

@Zebrabear are you and dds done with the activity or the club? If they generally enjoy the activity, are there other clubs that offer the same or something adjacent/transferrable? You don’t say what it is, but if it’s dance try a different type or look into musical theatre?

what I take from the posts is that there is no consensus on what activities are most worthwhile, that different things stick for different kids, and that maybe it is important to just try lots of different things to see what lights a spark for your dds?

My DC are all in their 20's now and DS just admitted he wished he'd have stuck with his piano lessons but there was no telling him at the time. So this is looking back reflectively for me-

Swimming lessons are important to give your DC a life skill. All 3 also loved drama and def all confident talking to ppl and group work etc

DS1 still loves sport-and having just moved in london is joining both a football team and a cricket one. Great to keep active and fun socially and a great ice breaker. He loves being on a team and it is so good for his mental health and gets him outside and moving.

DS2 was good all rounder sports wise and did rugby/football/cricket but when he discovered rowing he gradually gave up the others to focus on it. Still rows as an adult and I think it has given him the most resilience out of all 3DC. You work hard all winter for summer racing so he is def has a very strong work ethic and focus as well as a very healthy lifestyle and great likeminded friends.

DD not as interested in sport but did try her hand at all of them and enjoyed them at the time. She was def less keen on some of the organised things-in ballet she wanted to wear a tutu and twirl not do boring feet and at Cricket she'd rather play with people's dogs so we went with it and didn't make her.
She is def more free spirited and creative and I think so so important to know your child and what suits.