What way to split finances

[Sleepwhatsthazzz]

Me and dh are having an argument over what way finances should work and I'd love some outside input. I think we are both looking at it from our own angles and can't see what is fair.

I get paid 2400, he gets paid 2800/3000

Both agree it would be great for me to take termtime leave over the summer to watch the kids. Take them places etc.

We both pay 900 into a joint account for bills.
If I take term time leave I lose a month's pay. He has suggested covering my 900 for joint account. I have suggested he needs to help cover half my wage as I will need spending money too. He said he then comes worse off as he is already down 1800 (money into joint account). However I see it as he still has 1000 left for spending that month vs I have none. He thinks I should be grateful for the 900 as I am having a month off and most people would leap at that offer. I've said I'm not going to make myself worse of financially so we can pay for childcare.

Am I looking at this wrong, I have a fear I am and can't see the bigger picture. He can't explain it to me without getting frustrated. Would be grateful if anyone could explain to me what they think is a fair deal and if I have totally miscalculated this situation.

Joint account is only for household bills and childcare is also paid out of it. If I take kids to an activity I will be paying for it.

Joint account is only for household bills and childcare is also paid out of it. If I take kids to an activity I will be paying for it.

Why will you be paying for kids' activities?

And why do you need to"split finances"? You're married.

And why is it you that's taking time off without pay during the holidays?

So many questions....

I pay as if I ask him to pay there is huffing and puffing that goes with it. He does also pay out of his pocket if he takes them anywhere. I do take them more places though and as it will be me taking them places during the 4 weeks it will be me having to fund it, I feel so stingy saying this but it has got to the point I begrudge the diesel now. My car is the one that is taken everywhere and there I pay for the majority of diesel. I do more school runs, I take them to more activities, if we go out as a family, it is my car and as it is my car, I'm the one who has to fill it up. I'm so frustrated and cross about it. And I don't know if I am being unreasonable and can't see the bigger picture or if he is actually gaslighting me and I can just see through it. Hence the post.

We have separate accounts as he wants to know every penny I've spent and what on. So I kept my own money so he couldn't question it. I stopped doing groceries as he was asking what I'd bought, funny he now doesn't do that!