Unsupportive friends

[twiddlingthumbs69]

I'll start by saying this is about 2 friends that I've known for 40 years and been close to.
Recently DH and I received some very worrying health news which made us both extremely anxious.
I needed someone to talk to as I was in a bit of a mess mentally over it.
One friend told me to pull myself together.
The other friend ran for the hill and I haven't heard from since.
I'm still in contact with the first friend but she's not really interested in what we're going through at the moment.
Now, over the years, both friends have had problems of their own and I've been there every step of the way with support and checking in with them.
I don't really know how to feel about their reaction with me.
I'm shocked, annoyed and disappointed that this is the reaction I received from them.
I've always been the one that listened/helped them and now the tables are turned they don't want to help.
What would you do?

Is it your health or your husbands?

did friend 1 actually say pull yourself together? or something more like ,... don't worry until you know you have something to worry about?
but aside from that... not all friendships are equal... I too have a friend who takes loads and gives very little back. I've come to accept that is the situation and have decided to continue the friendship as she's lots of fun.. but I will give less and expect nothing. And I think you'll have to decide to do the same.

Some people I think don't have a clue how to be there for people or show any empathy or is it that they really dont care ? Still it's not an equal friendship. Friends are not just there for the good times they are supposed to be there for the bad too. Personally I'd cut all contact from people like that.

@Ingles2 in so many words she did say pull yourself together. We already had a diagnosis but not a path forward at that stage. We were kind of in limbo and that's what was causing the anxiety.
She just didn't seem to understand that I was feeling that way.
It is DH health, not mine and requires imminent surgery.

@MyGooseisTotallyLoose my husbands.

@Healthyhappymama I think you're right. She's definitely one of those people who sticks her fingers in her ears when people have problems.

I don’t think it’s that easy- sometimes you don’t know that you need to hear pull yourself together! I was waiting for a health diagnosis and only realised afterwards that it was literally taking up every corner of my mind. My friend told me what good is it doing you to worry about what you don’t know is going to happen when you have to wait two months for the result? And it’s true. You have the diagnosis unfortunately, but maybe you’ve been talking about it all the time in which case it could be driving you mad and your friend is right! Your other friend might have issues or might just not be a good friend. Hope all works out op

I hope your husband gets a treatment pathway soon and makes a good recovery.

Sadly, it’s one of those situations that shines a bright spotlight on friendships. I was totally fobbed off by my lifelong best friend when I got a life-changing diagnosis. 15 years ago and I can still remember the feelings, like you say, shock, surprise and annoyance. I was mentally rerunning every interaction where I’d supported her.

It’s the only time I’ve ghosted someone and looking back I’m not proud that I did that. But I didn’t have the energy to take her through how she should be behaving or deal with any more disappointment.

On the plus side, a few people were unexpectedly wonderful, and I hope you find that too. I have kept those people close and take care to give them support when they need it.