First let me state that I like my PIL and get on well with them. We’ve known each other twenty years and have a good relationship. Right now though I just need to vent, because they can be so fucking stubborn and it’s always their way or the highway.
They are foreign and live in their home country, as do the rest of DH’s family. So we don’t see them frequently, and it always involves longish visits to make it worth it.
My aunt, who I am fond of, had an accident in December and has been in a bad way. I wanted to go and visit at Christmas, but couldn’t in the end due to accommodating DH’s family’s schedules in our trip to visit them - they couldn’t all be in the same place at once so we had to drive from one city to the next to see them all, and it made it a long trip.
My aunt lives 5 hours away from us, so not a visit I can really cram into a day, especially not if I take the dc. So I said we’d go up at Easter (we already had a holiday booked for Feb half term which removed that as an option unfortunately) and would also see other members of my extended family and old friends, all of whom are overdue a visit from us.
Then while we were over with the in laws at Christmas, BIL told DH he’d like to come and visit us at Easter, as they haven’t been over here for years. Fine. Our dc get two and half weeks at Easter, plenty of time to fit in BIL’s visit plus a visit to my family. DH then decided it would be nice for PIL and SIL to all come over for Easter too, and have a big family get together, as they hadn’t managed to get everyone in one place at Christmas. Fine. They all seemed to like the idea.
Ever since, I have been reminding DH that I need their dates so that I can plan my trip to my family. My lot are fairly flexible, but they do need some degree of notice.
It’s been like herding cats. Failing to talk to each other, constantly telling DH they’ll get back to him and then not doing, saying they can’t discuss dates yet because it’s too early, blah blah blah. SIL went lukewarm then decided not to come.
Finally, BIL booked their ferry; they are arriving on Good Friday and leaving on Easter Monday, which was what we expected. PIL suddenly started making noises about coming the week before instead, as it ‘would be easier for us not to have all of them at the same time’.
We explained to them that actually no, it’s not better for us, as we’d then be hosting continually for a week and a half, plus the dc would be at school for their visit and dh at work. Plus the whole point was to get everyone together at the same time.
BIL promised to talk to them and help corral them into coming for Easter itself, as originally planned. Time passed. They kept wriggling out of discussing it with DH.
In the end I gave up chasing and told my family we’d be visiting the weekend after Easter, from the Thursday to the Sunday. It seemed reasonable to assume that in-laws would have all gone back by then.
Now, suddenly, PIL have announced they are arriving on Easter Sunday and staying till the following weekend. They will not budge. We have said ‘this does not work for us’. We have explained that they will only cross over with BIL for less than 24hrs and there will be no time to do anything together beyond a dinner. We have pointed out that DH will be back at work on the Tuesday, and he works long hours so they’ll barely see him. DH is refusing to take time off work.
I have put my foot down and am refusing to change my visit to my family. Leave has been booked by them to accommodate us, and restaurants booked. DH suggested he skip coming with us and stay here with his parents instead.
I lost my shit. I had asked and asked and asked them to sort out these bloody dates. I abandoned visiting my side over Christmas to accommodate his side. I just want to see my family and friends as planned, with DH. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. Is it?
Now I’m the bad guy, forcing them to leave early, and they’re saying stuff like ‘oh don’t mind us, we’ll amuse ourselves and go off for day trips, we’ll take the dc to London on the Tuesday and Venus doesn’t have to come, we won’t be any bother’ etc etc. Like my issue is that I don’t want to see them. It’s infuriating.
I suppose I could try and move the visit to my family to the following week, but it would mean asking my DB and SIL to try to change the leave they’ve booked, plus I don’t like driving back the night before the dc go back to school, because then they’re going back tired. But maybe I should in the interests of maintaining the peace.
Sorry that was bloody long. I feel better for ranting anyway.