I've given myself a deadline for having a baby.

[overthinkersanonnymus]

October this year will my last month ttc (of it doesn't happen) after nearly 2 years of trying.

I feel sad as I know that October will be here before I know it, but I also feel like I've given myself permission to move on with our lives if it doesn't.

We have the elusive "unexplained infertility". I fucking hate that phrase. There's obviously an explanation, we just don't know what it is.

There's no real reason for this thread, but any advice, or words of wisdom, are welcome!

What age are you OP? Could you give yourselves a TTC career break

Yes, how old are you? I really do sympathise, its a difficult experience month on month, the anticipation, the nerves, the what it's then the period comes, immediate disappointment then weirdly some relief but then the 'can I do it all again'. I have no real advice other than I felt a sense of freedom making a decision although I had to go through a deep period of reflection/grief/upset to get to that point.

Hi @GuessThatGranny im 36. I know millions of women go on to have their babies in to their 40s, but im having slight peri symptoms already and I just don't want to have a first baby after the age of 38.

No judgement on anyone who does, of course! It's just not something this feels right for me.

@SlB09 the giddiness of "starting all over again" next month is like an addiction!

It's got to the point when I'm just looking pass the test, so to speak. My thoughts don't even get as far as a baby or family. The ride of the line eyes train is one I jump back on every single month.

Give Agnus Castus a go if you haven't already tried it
Good luck

Yep @overthinkersanonnymus that's it in a nutshell! Give yourself some time and ease off for now would be my advice, even if it's for 6months I think you'll know after this if you want to go for it again or whether that chapter in your life is done x

Check out drticm on Instagram.. some posts are crazy but she's helped many many people get pregnant. She also has fb page which is easier to search but it seems to be deactivated right now. Good luck

Could you perhaps do the "not trying but not preventing" thing after October? Maybe you'd be lucky in November or December or...
We TTC for over 2 years so I know the pain...

Took me just under six years to get pregnant, and I’ll be 38 when my baby is born. TTC is rough and it takes a huge toll.

Has your partner been tested for /have symptoms of varicocele?

Thanks for all the supportive comments girls, I half expected to be told that I'm being ridiculous by stopping in October because I don't want to go over the age of 38.

I thought you may have seen it as a vanity thing, or that I'm judging older mums.

@Furnacefield he hasn't but he's very smooth 😂 so no signs of that condition.

It is harder on your body having a baby later there's no doubt about it. Even having a toddler in your late thirties is hard work if you end up with sciatica or a sore knee or anything else than can strike you down when you're no longer in the flush of youth.

Not trying not preventing for a couple of years is a good idea. Take some vitamin D if you aren't already, it's good for fertility and everything else too.

I was in a very similar position OP. We stopped 'trying' after 18 months when I was coming up 38. Never went back on contraception though, and I also thought I had the start of peri symptoms.

I fell pregnant 6 weeks before my 40th, and we're thrilled. I'm now 25 weeks and have (so far) had an absolute dream pregnancy, no sickness, no aches, no bleeds, no worries, sailed through all tests, feeling well and able to keep active.

If I were you I'd never say never.

@CheeseWisely congratulations!

My plan may change in the future, who knows. But for now, my mental cut off is 38 pre baby. Let's see how committed I am to that in the summer 😂

Have you tried the “ it starts with the egg” book? It’s written by a scientist who struggled to get pregnant and is based on peer reviews studies (which many fertility gurus don’t).

also try a trip to a private ivf clinic, you don’t have to do the ivf, but perhaps a run of different tests will shed some light. Turned out I had a clotting disorder which was causing my infertility issues. This test wasn’t done during my nhs tests and ivf round. I never would have known had I not gone private. ( I now have a baby thanks to the second clinic). No worries at all about your age limit, but I would say the majority of mums at my baby group are around the 37-43 age range in my area. (I’m 40)

Please read "The Impatient Woman's Guide to getting pregnant", lots of useful tips. Really wish you the best, conception can happen at any time!

I personally think this is a good idea, because that way you are in control of the situation. I had a family member who tried for about 14 years with 7 miscarriages and it ended up destroying their relationship. Personally I didn't think having a baby was more important than everything else so I also did the same.

Been there, gave up and then fell.
Keep trying during your ovulation windows

That's how I feel, like I have some control over it.

Our relationship hasn't been affected luckily, mainly due to ovulation testing and not actually letting DP know. I didn't want it to become the only reason we're having sex.

I worry about how it'll affect our relationship in a few years if we don't conceive. Will we feel like we didn't make enough effort and regret it? That's my overthinking mind though.