Property sale - am I entitled to anything?

[hazcheeseburgerinparadise]

This is a tad long, so I apologise!

I have ADHD (only diagnosed at 42), but have always been terrible at managing money and keeping on top of life admin. As a result DH manages all of the financials - bill payments, mortgages, etc. We have completely separate finances. No joint accounts. I give him part of my salary each month which he 'allocates' to our mortgage. This means that he pays for almost everything else of any significance.

I earn a relatively low income (£27k part time) in comparison to DH who owns and operates his own small business which has afforded us a pretty decent lifestyle.

We own 2 properties. One of which we lived in once we were married before children, as well as the first few years that the children were young. Once we outgrew our first property we were in the position that we could move into a larger property and rent the other one out. I'm 99% sure my name is on the mortgage for the first property and 100% sure my name is on the one we're currently living in.

The plan was to always keep our first property and potentially sell when it came to retirement (but this is a long way off!). Tonight DH has decided that it's time to sell off the first property due to a huge increase in the mortgage. Essentially after monthly agent fees and the rental income we will be losing money so it's not worth it to keep. It's remained stagnant in value for the past 10 years.

DH has never been satisfied with the amount of income I bring in or the amount I'm able to contribute financially. I have always trusted him to look after our family's best interests by managing the bills and mortgages (and because I just can't with my ADHD - I never remember to pay bills on time and can't remember how much all of the monthly payments even are despite being told many times ).

So now that he has made the decision to sell our first property he keeps saying 'I'm going to sell' and 'my property' - everything about the decision and property sale is related specifically to him. I piped up and corrected him saying "our" and he was a bit taken aback. He said 'he pays for the mortgage' so it's his. I'm pretty sure the previous monthly rental payments we receive from the current tenants have paid for the mortgage up until now (although they will no longer cover it since the mortgage has drastically increased).

Obviously he does pay for almost everything including school fees, phone bills, car payments, etc (some of this is written off by his business). But it's unclear what will actually happen to the profits from this property sale. Once sold the money will go into an account in his name and likely be used to pay off bills, family expenses, or put towards a new property for our family to live in in the future.

BUT - I will have no way of knowing what is happening with the money from the property sale. How it's being spent / saved, etc. I'm not 100% secure in knowing that our marriage will stand the test of time. We've been married 17 years so far, but he can be a bit nasty to me at times and has threatened me with divorce mainly because he knows the words will hurt, but at the same time is very against divorce and looks down upon divorced people not staying together for the children.

So my worry is - if this sale goes through, and years down the road we do get a divorce what am I entitled to from this property sale and how can I keep tabs of the money?

Like I said, I'm awful with money and all things financial. I have very little awareness and understanding of how this all works. Please don't think I'm stupid, but this is just not my strong point being able to keep tabs on all this kind of admin stuff.

My word, he’s done a number on you, hasn’t he, Op? Sounds very like verging on, if not frank, financial abuse, which is a crime.
You need to get advice from Women’s Aid or similar and get to understand what your rights are. As a married woman, you do have a right to shares in money and property ‘owned’ by your husband, especially after so many years and your wages forming part of the family income.

Thank you for your reply. I did wonder if it would be considered financial abuse. Thing is, if I question it further or want proof to know where the money is and what is happening with it over the next few years (just as an example), he will probably get angry and question why I'm showing an interest now.

But I'd like to know what my best option is to try and gather up as much evidence as I can with regards to the amount of money WE will receive from the sale, and then ideally how I can keep tabs on it and how it's being spent. He's not the type to mindlessly spend it on indulgent things for himself, so if he did spend the money it would likely be used on family holidays, the children's education, home improvements or as part of a down payment on a future property.

But - I don't like not knowing that there's potentially a large amount of money that I'm partly entitled to that I have no idea what's happening with it, any interest earned etc.

If something did happen down the road, how can I ensure I get my fair share of the money. I don't make much, so tend to live pay cheque to pay cheque. I don't have any savings that I can directly access either, but would like to know that if something did happen I would be able to fall back on my portion of the sale money. DH used to tell me we couldn't afford for me to save (I was very bad at managing my money), but in the last year or so he has set up a savings account in my name that a small portion of my salary goes into. But shamefully, I don't know what company this sits with or even how to access it.

If you own the property rented out then you would be entitled to a share of the rent and would have needed to complete a tax return each year. Have you been doing so? If not then it would suggest you don't own a share of it.

If the money gets spent, and you divorce at some point in the future, you'll get none of it as it won't exist.

That doesn’t seem very logical. Surely ownership is determined by whose names(s) appear on the Land Registry entry, not who receives or pays tax on the rental income?

I am saying if she is a joint owner at the Land Registry then she would be entitled to half the rent and would have been legally obliged to complete a tax return in respect of that income. So has she been doing so. If not then the chances are she isn't an owner. If the financially controlling husband has been getting her to sign a tax return each year chances are she is.

But yes she could pay for a search of both properties at the Land Registry to see if she is shown as owner on both or either.

I'm not sure tbh I believe the rental income just goes into his account.

I am also listed as a company director for DH's business so he can withdraw a salary in my name to my account to help pay for monthly bills. I know the amount for this is calculated so that I don't go over a yearly income threshold.

would have been legally obliged to complete a tax return in respect of that income.

Not if she’s not receiving it. It’s going into her bloke’s account so he’s responsible for the tax.

Yes I get that. Those are things that would be spent on the family, so we would all benefit from it. But it's the issue down the line if a) the money hasn't been spent - how do I prove / claim some is mine, or b) if the money has been invested in a new joint property (a new family home) how do I prove that the money from the previous property we lived in was used towards the purchase of the new property (versus potentially him trying to say he put £X amount down as down payment and me not having proof that money was ours from the previous property).

I'm not sure if the way I've worded that makes sense

Your initial post says you even £27k part time so you already are a tax payer so all rental income you get would be taxable.

If you are married then all assets and savings and pensions and even his business goes into one pot to be divided up shouldyou ever divorce if you are in England and Wales at least.

I think you need to find a way to understand and manage your own finances. I'm sure that you will be able to get advice and coping strategies to support your with that. Maybe try an Adh support organisation?

Your sound like an intelligent woman. This might be an over reach, but I wonder if your DH has encouraged you to think your not able to understand findable because it suits him that way?

About the first house, you can see if you're on the deeds by searching for the property in the Land Registry. It will cost you £3 to get a copy of the register. If you're not listed then you have your answer. BUT that dishy mean you're not entitled to a part share in the profits.
Why don't you contact citizens advice and your can ask them for help to understand your rights should you divorce further down the road.

Sounds like he has totally screwed you over, you need to see a solicitor ASAP, ringfence the deposit.

Check the houses are in your name, you are on the deeds

Sort out the bank accounts so you have transparency, you need to know how much is in each account.

Do not let him fob you off

1. get details of the savings account he has set up for you….you should at least be looking at your statements as you have to do your self assessment form ….. how do you do this if you don’t know any financial details?
2. if you have separate bank accounts, if he were to die suddenly you would have no immediate access to the cash you need ……we have both separate accounts and 2 joint accounts as I have no income other than the low salary paid from our business (likewise I am a named company director drawing a low salary ).so you really need to address this issue asap.
3. you are married but when there is such a disparity in knowledge of your financial affairs then you need to try and introduce some discussions about your family finances…why has he shut you out to this extent? Why does he not see the finances as terms of having joint goals seeing as he is using you to maximise profits from the business? Do you have details /passwords/etc for his accounts (personal and business), his business dealings? You are a company director so you should have some oversight in some shape or form …you are responsible for your own tax self-assessment for eg. I have all my husbands business and personal details in both written form and online form as I would be left to sort out a lot if he were no longer here.perhaps address it again from the “what if…” perspective because you and the kids would be in a really tough position if he died or became incapacitated. I presume you both have wills?

Finances aren't easy with ADHD but online banking and automated payments have made things a million times simpler and more predictable for me

If you can get online access to the various accounts, please do.

Do you have an issue with impulsive spending, or is it just organising finances? If just organising, you may be amazed how much easier things are than just a few years ago. Worth a look.

When you bought these houses did you sign paperwork at the solicitors?

Do you complete tax returns for the rental and your directors pay?

Her DH might have done this for her without even telling her. He sounds controlling.

If your name is on the deeds to the property he can't sell it without your agreement and signature.

You can set up a simple savings account and put your share of the proceeds from the sale into that. This you can organise with the solicitor when the sale goes through.

It sounds like you need to take control of the situation.

You need to do a search of the land registry to see if you are on both the deeds. You need to see a solicitor to find your entitlements. They could write a letter to your DH stating as you are legally on deeds if house is sold you would like your half of sale money to go into your bank account. So he knows his behaviour is being tracked. That might be enough to push him into giving you half.

If you get divorced you will both have to declare your financial situation - all bank accounts, investments etc. So don’t worry too much about that.
Did you contribute to buying the pre-marital home?

Its worrying how little control and understanding you have of the joint finances though. I do understand that ADHD makes it harder and it makes sense for you to each play to your strengths, but I’d really try and address that. If the worst happens and you do divorce you’ll be forced to figure this stuff out.

I hated maths at school. Thought I'd never have to look at it again. We bought a business, guess who had to do the book keeping. A lovely accountant gave me some lessons to get me going and I was away. It's much simpler than school maths.

With apps for banking it's even easier now. You really need someone to sit you down and explain how it all works.

Your husband assumes you're a hopeless case as do you. Time to learn a new skill.