Anyone had a mental health crisis and come out of it feeling radically different?

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NC for this as colleagues are on MN.

Firstly, I'm not sure if I had a mental health crisis as such, but following a relationship breakdown at the end of last year I somewhat fell apart and ended up with 2 months off work due to feeling unable to go back to my job at the time.

After my first day back, I'm not sure whether it's even a job I want to do any more. I've worked there for over 20 years, and I have loved it in the past, but going back has made me see all of the bureaucracy and negativity and things that I don't think are organisationally ever going to change for the better.

A colleague said that he is sure nothing will have changed whilst I've been off, and I laughed and agreed, but I feel as though I have changed. Being off work wasn't all fun and lunches, at the start I didn't even know what day it was most of the time and spent a lot of my time in tears. But I have had some support from the most amazing therapist and it sounds totally cringe to say, but he really has changed (is changing) my life. Towards the end of when I was off and I was feeling a bit better, the world slowed down, I was more chilled with the kids, I wasn't having to bloody rush everywhere and get stressed about getting to work/school/kids to hockey on time. I wasn't filled with this toxic negativity of my workplace and the constant frustration of not being able to provide the service we want to.

I don't know whether making any decisions now would be a bad idea - how do I know if this is actually all part of not being mentally great, and I might have huge regrets? But on the other hand, life is just too short to be feeling like this, and do I go with the flow and actually continue to make some changes that feel more aligned with the new me? I worry that if I wait, I'll stay stuck (which is very much the story of my life!), and if I have got some momentum then I should go with it. Of course I've no bloody idea what I would actually do for work - which is rather fundamental to things as it won't exactly be a stress free, relaxed and slow pace of life if I'm stressing about money.

But anyway, my original question was has anyone else felt really different after going through something like this, and did it last?! Or did you go back to your former life, either happily or unhappily?

Maybe it’s just me!

Hopeful bump!

Yes me.

Had a breakdown in my 20s, couldnt even leave the house. Signed off work and had loads of therapy.

Realised I hated my job, the stress etc and where I lived so moved 250 miles and got a new job. Total change of pace and lifestyle.

I think a mental health crisis is so often out brains telling us we can't carry on in our old ways anymore and need to change. Really listen to what you actually want.

Breakdown in 2020 which u had time off work for. Went back 2021 and just cracked again. Back in '22 to new role with suppprtive manager plus I'd had course of cbt on the nhs. I got much much better and I'm ok now. I'm going through a bereavement now which I'd have been unable to cope with in any way back then. I am different. During the breakdown I cut off sone friendships and ended a relationship and I don't regret it - was part of healing x

I think a mental health crisis is so often out brains telling us we can't carry on in our old ways anymore and need to change. Really listen to what you actually want

Yes I really agree with that. I don’t think a move 250 miles away is on the cards for me (I’ve got kids and am divorced from their dad so need to stay in this area for at least the next 8 years until the youngest turns 18) but other changes are definitely possible.

@pastypirate really glad that you are better now - sorry to hear about the bereavement and hope you are ok. Can you describe how you are different since the breakdown? I’m not sure if I could put it into words how I feel-am different, I just know that I am!

Interesting thread

Maybe your priorities have changed? It’s fine to work to live but if you can find something you’re passionate about then look into changing your job.
It can be a relief to no longer be ambitious and to just see work as a means to an end. Maybe you’re seeing things more clearly with a sceptical eye since your breakdown.

I think what you're describing is getting some perspective after the break from work.

I have had several burnouts/poor mental health periods in my life, because I'm likely ND and also because each time I have just gone back through the same cycle of moving jobs, getting sucked in to the ambition, culture etc and making myself ill again.

Now I'm very much concentrating on what @kiwiane describes, changing my priorities, working to live, ignoring that critical voice that has been my downfall before. It's slow progress, but to me that's the difference this time.

Wishing you luck OP!

I had a severe breakdown in September that even led to suicidal ideation and plans to end my life.

My GP who literally put me back together told me something that stayed with me: 'You were pushing yourself to carry on and on but your body and mind could not longer cope and by 'breaking down' finally made it clear it was time to take some rest. '

I think it is very easy to push yourself to the limit. I was trying to deal with quite a few traumas and then the stress of moving house in a completely different town and it all became too much.

I was signed off work for almost two months to give meds the time to work and to be able to slowly start to eat and sleep properly again.

It also made me realise I hate my current job and need to make some changes as this contributed to the breakdown so I am applying for new roles.

I am still left with a lot of anxiety every day and some brain fog but now I seek a much slower pace in everything I prioritise my health and well being and try not to stress over everything anymore.

Also having the breakdown made me more open about my mental health issues, as I had to be honest with the crisis team, GP and counsellor about how bad everything really was for the first time in my life which was really liberating as well.

I have also finally been referred for a proper diagnosis as I have always suspected I am neurodivergent so a lot of good came out of this although it was the worse and scariest thing that ever happened to me.

Sure. Considerably more resilient and able to stand up for myself. Able to make choices for mine and my dc benefit without feeling like I'm not good enough. A friend gave me the expression 'task paralysis' recently and looking back I really felt that.
Also having the emotional capacity to suppprt others which I really didn't have 2020-2022.
A close friend went through a similar breakdown last year. I've been really firm with them about making changes and accepting an alternative role in a way I couldn't do for myself. It was well received don't worry. In the end she said 'right well I'll phone you when I've signed the contract' 🤣. She's doing much better now.
I look back and think how anxiety disabled me so much I couldn't get out of that situation. I think self preservation and feeling entitled to a reasonable quality of life is the biggest change x

Yes. I cracked and burned out at the end of last year and had to take two months off. My job was extremely stressful and very full on, and it got to the stage where I simply couldn't take any more. My GP, fortunately, was brilliant.

After I finally stopped crying all the time, started sleeping better and the disordered thoughts calmed down, I began to regain perspective and realised what the job had been doing to me. I'd been there for years and it had been gradually wearing me down. I resigned, the relief was immense.

I started speculatively job hunting when I began to feel a bit better and was lucky enough to find something very quickly. I started yesterday, have been fretting a bit about the slower pace (totally different field) but am realising that slower is actually, especially while I'm still healing.

I'm late 50s by the way, now starting what I suppose is my third career. I'm thinking this could be a good way for me to wind down until I retire.

It's going to take time to adjust, but I don't need the stress any more. I loved my job, I thought I thrived on the stress - until it almost destroyed my mental health.

Sorry, that was a bit of an essay! It was cathartic just writing it down, though.

Yes, I had a big MH episode after a traumatic bereavement of close family member and was also going through nasty divorce. When I began to recover in following years it took a combination of therapy, drug treatment and changed me forever. I wish I'd had more therapy at the time, but I have gone back into it now and it's really helpful. I changed many things, never went back to the abusive relationship and set boundaries with family. For me it was a case of being at the absolute limit of tolerance and going into tipping point, so couldn't go back.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Inspired to hear those starting new jobs and perhaps in a new field. I have worked for the NHS for 24 years and although I’m not sure if I’m burnt out, the service is broken and it might just break me too if I stay. I know I’m contributing to the problem if I leave, but if I listen to my heart/gut, I know what I need to do. I just need to get over the guilt of feeling like I’m letting people down (another of my very familiar patterns!)

It’s not serving me now, and i am the only one who is going to put myself first, so it’s up to me to do it.

I think this is quite normal actually. I had an extended period of time off work (3 months) for mental health and addiction, and when I went back I very much felt the same as you. It's been a year now and I do feel a lot better and am glad I persevered with work. I'm still not 100% sure it's where I am going to be forever and I am pondering a change in the future, but I don't feel like I want to just sack it all in completely like I did, say, 6 months ago. I think a lot of it was burnout and I was still recovering and healing. It does take time to get better even when you can no longer 'be off sick'.

I see what you are saying @mindutopia I guess that's what I am wondering about - am I still in the process of healing and I will feel differently again in a few months time, or actually do I pay attention to these feelings of "this doesn't seem to fit" any more and act whilst I've got some momentum of change behind me. I know I don't have to choose now, and the option will still be there in however many months/years time, but I know that I get stuck and it can take me a really long time to find movement again, and I want to avoid that this time.

OP it sounds like it’s clear your role is contributing to your poor mental health, it really is as simple as that. Make plans and leave.

If in 6-12 months you regret it they will always have you back - it’s NHS after all and they’ll always want experienced staff such as yourself.

You do not owe anyone anything - something to remember as you progress through your therapy

It sounds almost unbelievable to say but I didn't realise how much work was impacting me until I wasn’t there for 2 months. The last few years there have been hard; our previous team manager was basically a bully and we constantly walked on eggshells at the mercy of his daily mood. It was hell. When he left there was hope for change but it seems as though the negativity and dissatisfaction has become embedded in the team and going back into it after a couple of months away just showed how stark it is. We have a new manager who is lovely, but I don’t think this toxicity can be turned around. I got myself out of a toxic relationship, I’ve gone very LC with a toxic family member, I don’t want this toxicity in my life any more. The only way to get out of it when it is this ingrained in the workplace is to leave the job - I can’t change it from the inside. I feel a bit silly not to have been able to see this before I went off sick - which I thought was only due to my relationship breakdown, but maybe it wasn’t.

I had terrible PND thirteen years ago. Going back to work saved me! The crisis made me reassess everything in my life, and made me realise that I've got so much to be happy about if I have the health and strength to do so.

I'm now post menopause and my capacity to say no is at nuclear level. If I don't want to do something, I just don't. I'm much more in tune with my moods and much more able to plan a non triggering life for myself. Fundamentally, I'm boring. I love routine and safety, and I hate change. I'm not going to learn to be exciting, I'm going to get more boring but that's fine because I'm happy and it's up to me.

Oh I am boring too. I hate change, I love routine, I love the known (I’ve been in my job for over 20 years - I def don’t like uncertainty!). But I can’t do it any more. Maybe it’s forcing my hand to make a change, or maybe I feel different and more capable of taking a risk on something now. Who knows. But I know I can’t go back to where I was.

Yes.
I was suicidal
I started taking an antidepressant
I dropped cold turkey after about 7 months
Since then I have felt less anxious and have better perspective. I'm less harsh on myself.
But this might be to do with realising my husband is a covert narcissist and his treatment of me probably caused my mental health breakdown. Now I see him for what he is. Realised I was gas lighted and that my self esteem was shot to bits by him. Now have hobbies and enjoyment away from him and just try not to engage with his rubbish.

Wow well done @rockpoolingtogether for recognising what was going on in your relationship and building up things for you in your life. I’m glad you are feeling better.