Does anyone else feel like they have no idea who they are?

[LostHere]

I'm decorating my room and I don't know what my style is. Well I do, it's sort of gothic but I don't know if that just just what I've leaned into because that's what I've always done. I don't really want it that way.

I feel the same with my clothes. I don't feel I have any style. I buy stuff I think is cool but I probably should have stopped wearing 10 years ago (dungarees and Doc martens) but I don't like them particularly on myself. I just don't know what I'm supposed to wear.

Same with my hair.

I just feel like a mimic. Just taking things from people and sticking them to myself with prittstick, hoping something will stay and feel right.

I have no sense of self and it saddens me really.

I just feel like I'm pretending to be myself all the time.

You don’t need to identify a ‘style’ though. Just have things that you like and that becomes ‘you’. There is no need to conform to a particular look or style , just buy and wear things you like. If you have a reasonable eye for putting things together then you can’t go far wrong. One of the best interior tips I read was just to have things you love and the overall look will work itself out.

Yes but that's what I mean I buy things I like but nothing feels right on me. No matter what I wear I feel like I'm wearing a costume or a disguise, not an outfit.

When I meet people I feel like I have to pretend to be a proper person and think what a person would say to be normal.

It's hard to explain.

What you've said makes perfect sense to me, but i agree it is hard to explain.

I felt like this up to a year ago. A year ago i found out I am adhd and probably autistic and that feeling of having no identity was the result of years of masking. I found it really distressing not knowing why felt like i didn't know who i was. Since i got diagnosed I've been able to unmask and build on my sense of self which has grown my self esteem.

I'm waiting for an ADHD assessment, so that's really interesting.

I'm like a chameleon - i adapt to whoever i am around and try to be what i think that person wants me to be. I used to hate myself for it but it's just how i learnt to cope in a neurotypical world!

Well it's tough to pinpoint without more info or seeing you in action, yknow? Could be anything from still figuring out your own vibe to something deeper. I know my sister-in-law who has BPD used to copy my style when we first met.

The things you describe are all external OP. Is it also true of your inner sense of self - your values, interests etc? If so, I'd develop them first and see if they lead towards a clearer outer reflection of who you are.

Exterior self-expression is so tricky. There isn't a single room in my house that is what I would want, because it's all been compromised by what DH likes. Or the furniture he inherited form his parents, which I have hated for thirty years but bloody hell it's well-made and won't break Over the years this has turned into me just accepting how the house looks and not trying too hard. As long as it is relatively clean and neat and has flowers or plants, which I love, I sort of put up with anything.

And I can't express my clothes taste because my body doesn't match it and I have a very limited budget. So I dress rather dully to not draw attention to weight gain.

You could go into town and choose five outfits you would never in a million years normally choose. Try them all on and see how you react to them. (I might do that too.)

You could paint a room white for now and clear everything out of it and put stuff back, one by one to discover if you love it, then add colour, pattern, texture, lighting gradually, once you know you love them.

I hear you.
Also AS, and whilst I can mimic others' style well, I have none of my own.
Gives us great choices though!

Pinterest is great for this. The more you save things you like into groups, the more you see clear patterns.

Lists too. All the films you liked, books, favourite people you’ve spent time with and why, what you liked as a child before things were deemed “cool” and “not cool”.

Remember there’s nothing new under the sun. It’s okay to pick and choose stuff and try it. Your style is your choices, all put together. It doesn’t have to have a name.

Look up David Kibbe... that really helped me develop my own style and trust my intuition about what feels good on me.