Insomnia - so frustrated tonight

[Tigertealeaves]

Hoping someone might be up - I'm fully aware things just seem awful because it's the middle of the night, but that knowledge doesn't help in the moment.

I'm in my 40s, possibly starting to hit perimenopause. Insomnia has been a thing for me for a while if I'm upset e.g. argument before bed. More recently sometimes I just cannot sleep - partner snores, DC also comes in the bed if they wake ... I find it impossible sometimes if there's ANY noise or other stimulation, and have to go on the sofa to try and get a few hours. It is crap knowing everyone else is sound asleep and that I still have to function the next day.

So as not to drip feed I do have a history of depression and anxiety. Sometimes my insomnia is from intrusive thoughts, including ones relating to work. I've just had a lovely weekend, but accidentally opened a tab on my phone with my work email before bed, and it popped up with someone having sent me a long, critical email. Their feedback was accurate, but expressed in a somewhat patronising way. They couldn't know this, but the thing they were feeding back on had been wrought with difficulties beyond my control and making it happen at all took a huge amount of effort and stress. The email seems to assume that what didn't go well was due to poor planning on my part, and that I must need the issues pointed out to me. I feel honestly a bit humiliated by it. My confidence is easily knocked by this sort of thing.

I know it is stupid and seems bigger than it is because I'm tired but I now CANNOT sleep. Have been awake 3 hours feeling horrible, and frustrated with myself for being so sensitive. When this insomnia happens it is usually 4am or so before I can sleep. Just posting in the hope someone might have some words to snap me out of it...... though even just typing it out helps a little.

Hi there, I am also exhausted but really wired up, can't sleep. Alarm will be off in about 4 hours and then I am suppose to function for the day. I just want to sleep.
It has been suggested that maybe it's the lack of magnesium or high cortisol ? Need to speak to GP....

@Bangbangchittychitty sorry - know exactly how frustrating that feeling is :(

That's interesting about the magnesium/cortisol. Will do some research. I don't know if you get the same but sometimes it's this weird physical restlessness, like I can't get into the right position/temperature to sleep.

Yes, exactly what I feel. I am also in my 40ish btw so I think it's related to peri. I wish I could take a pill and sleep for 12 hours uninterrupted

I am in the same boat
Recently quit a part time job I was getting stressed about

You've just described me!! Currently on the sofa after DPs snoring got too much!! I too have work related anxiety this evening, I have it most of the time tbh and there's always a low-level feeling of tension in my life....but Sunday nights have always been worse for some reason. In about 3 1/2 hours the alarm will go off and I'll have to do the school run and nursery run and then a full day at work. Not good.

Also during the day, my memory is really poor, my executive functions are affected, feel so dumb , can't concentrate in a conversation, lack of patience with my children, cant watch a film with my oh as it requires too much concentration, irritability, my anxiety levels are high, I keep doubting myself, my self esteem is at its lowest.... oh, the joys of peri! This is not me at all.

I had a nasty stomach upset earlier and now it's really sore so I can't rest

Just woken up again feeling anxioua after dropping off for a few hours. Hope people are managing to get some rest.

I hear you! I barely slept on Saturday night (ate too late, had a glass of wine too late) and no sleep last night either due to worrying about work/not being up in time for my train.

My brain just whirrs away, it's like having a child that won't shut up in there. I'm mid-late 40s and it's been like this for years. Am on HRT which helps but the general anxiety is debilitating.

Definitely try magnesium. If that doesn't really help, add in phenergan ( available from online pharmacies if you can't find it IRL). It's an antihistamine which makes you sleepy but doesn't turn you into a zombie the next day. Also look at getting some Bose Sleepbuds: they are on the pricey side as an initial outlay, but mine have saved my relationship. They fit inside your ear and once you've used them a few times you don't even feel them. They link to an app and you can choose from various background sounds - white noise type - which plays all night and masks everything. I once slept through a cat fight in my kitchen that had my DH and DS separating 2 cats with barstools!
Also, don't underestimate the impact of peri menopause on sleep. Once I started HRT, things improved noticeably, and I now know that insomnia is one of the first signs I'll have that my dose needs adjusting.
Good luck!

I feel so sorry for anyone suffering with insomnia, it's so draining and unless you experience it you have no idea what it is like
Last night very tired and big day later today...light out 1030pm. Woke thinking it was morning at 1230. Awake till 0400, then awake again 0515am and haven't been back to sleep

A year or two ago I slept until 0745 one morning. It's stuck in my mind because it only happens about once every 10 years! I cannot begin to tell you how much energy I had that day and I thought to myself....so this is what it is like for people who don't have sleep problems!

My best friend regularly sleeps nine plus hours solidly every night and she says to me...you just don't need the sleep! I do! I really do! She had one bad night's sleep once and I never heard the end of it!

Sorry OP I'm no help but endless sympathy from me.

@Roussette no it is a help - when you have a family who don't have these problems, they don't really get it and it's lonely (e.g. DP thinks I am being cold and unaffectionate when I beg him not to come on my side of the bed and fall asleep draped over me! I get overheated and physically stressed within seconds)

Yes this is something that has been affecting me too. I have caring responsibilities so can't just go back to bed after a terrible night of seeing every hour on the clock. I do have sleeping tablets that were issued years ago but have now ran out after having to resort to taking them so that I get relaxed enough to drop off and stay asleep. You have my sympathies OP, and everyone else on the thread.

Have you thought about a separate bed or go in to your Dcs if they come in yours. I regularly go on the sofa which luckily is long and comfy.

There’s another thread about this at the moment that I posted on ! I think mine is a combination of menopause and having had Covid in October, it’s just affected my ability to sleep. Happened back in 2020 too when I had it. Nowt works.

Me and my DH have seperate rooms. I am such a light sleeper (I wonder if that goes with insomnia?) that I couldn't possible sleep all night with him. I also have a top of the range white noise machine too, that does help me.

Yes, it is lonely, I feel like I'm the only person awake! I'm old, and I've never been that good at sleeping...

Yep sometimes I go into DC's bed... often the damage is done by then and hard to sleep, but it is much much easier without DP snoring. Need to stock up on ear plugs again!