Tips for about to be an empty nest single mums..

[chimichangaz]

My DS is 22 and has lived with me all his life. His dad and I split up when he was 9 and he spent alternative weekends with him but the vast majority of his time was with me.

He's going to move out in the next couple of months or so and while I'm looking forward to it (getting my space back!), I know it's going to take some getting used to!

So I'm after tips from mums who've been there before. Both on an emotional level but also practical- eg getting used to shopping for one (he sorts his own food etc but I still buy lots of 'shared' stuff).

I'm single, have hobbies and friends and work almost full time (although am seriously contemplating partial retirement) so I already have a busy life. I've found it harder than I thought dealing with him becoming an adult and making his own decisions, not all of which I agree with, and I want to navigate this new phase of him living separately from me but still keep a good relationship. I think he'll want to be independent and not constantly popping round, for example.

What are your top tips?

No one?.....

I’ve no idea as I’m not there yet (single mum, but eldest is 9). But here’s a hopeful bump. I dread this stage of my life to be honest but everyone who’s there seems to enjoy it so I hope you do too. Do you have pets? Getting a puppy seems to be a popular choice if you are able

My son bought a puppy last August (his dad died suddenly and I think he hoped it would be a distraction- as well as someone to love 🥹 and he was) - I absolutely love him to bits but he's been a lot of hard work!! I wouldn't rule it out for the future though.

I've just driven home after a meal out, and been thinking about my son moving out soon and it's made me quite teary!! I've been joking I'll miss the dog more, but the reality is starting to hit - that I've lived with this boy all of his life and soon he won't be with me any more! I feel proud that he's grown up and is (almost...) ready to move out but it's gonna be weird!!

Hi I just spotted your post and appreciate its been a while but didn't want to run on without posting. I'm a single mum and my two young adults are now away from home, though the youngest is back during holidays, which can be long.

My tips for empty nest: - I think acknowledging it is an emotional transition, and it does take a while. A bit like getting used to a new baby, but a new stage of life. And just as you have adapted, they are back again for a week's holiday or whatever, - which is lovely, but quite disconcerting too.
-I tried a few new things in the run up to it happening, to get used to putting myself out there more. Joined a gym, and went regularly. Started going to my faith group more regularly. Took on a volunteering role which expanded massively. Over 18 months, looking back, I have therefore made lots of new friends and contacts.
I work hybrid and made the decision to go regularly into the office one day a week to break the week up. Me going in regularly has meant there is now a cluster of us who regularly plan to be in on that day, go for lunch together and have small side chats. I wouldn't have prioritised this as much before, but it has been really good.

I remember from my days as a full time mum when the children were little it made a big difference to have a rough structure to the week. Toddler group x on Tuesdays; story time at the library on Thursday. Of course things changed round it, but that gave me a rhythm, and that helped when times were challenging. Turns out that makes a difference for me too at this stage.
18 months in, things are really fine, and I'm planning a move myself to an area I love, which will involve making new friends. But it has been a transition, and it isn't easy at first, but you will get there. Good luck.

Aw thank you @redmapleleaves1 - some very sound advice there!! I agree about structure being a good thing. I've gone into our office once a week since autumn 2020 but it's very rare anyone else does so for me it's just been a change of walls and routine- but a very welcome one!

I've just been on my own for the weekend as they've been away and the tidiness and cleanliness has been amazing but the house was so quiet!!!

No tips just a handhold as I am single with a 16yo so I'll be in your position in the future! He's planning on uni so that will be a taster. I've no desire for a partner but it will be weird to have a quiet house!

I've found it okay, though, I think it helps that DD had been coming and going as she was staying at her boyfriends before she finally went off to university. We are in touch on Snapchat all the time, sometimes meaningful stuff sometimes just nonsense (photos of the cats!) And now, when she comes back, I do like having her here, but also I find it a bit annoying that she's in my space and disrupting my routines! I also go and visit quite a bit, so it's a city break for me as well as being able to spend some time with her. It was a bit weird to begin with going shopping and thinking I'll get strawberries because DD likes strawberries and then remembering she wasn't at home. It's okay to feel sad though, sometimes you just have to sit with your feelings until they pass.