Advice?? 3 year old who will eat for everyone but me.

[Pancakepipsqueak]

Can anyone more seasoned please give me some advice with my 3 year old?

She will eat everything the childminder and other childcare (my mum, my aunt, etc) give her (chillis, spaghetti, shepherds pie etc) but for me I struggle to get BASICS into her.

Tonight she's refused everything, except blueberries and a chocolate bar.

How do I fix this!! I try to be consistent but she just says "I WONT EAT ANYTHING". She's on the smaller side anyway so I don't want her to lose weight :(

Because she knows her childminder won't give her a choc bar if she doesn't eat 🤷‍♀️

@marmitegirl01 I stayed firm before and she just will not eat and I get desperate for any calories to be consumed.

There is no need to be desperate especially if child normally eats- children can go days with no food at all - but you have taught the child that treats will be given ? So it will be painful to break the habit

And she knows that. She's playing you.

Let her go to bed hungry a few nights, it won't kill her. She's choosing not to eat, once she realises that no chocolate is forthcoming she'll eat. Its not sensory or she wouldn't eat for everyone else. Stop giving in or you'll have a right job on your hands in a few years.

Stop buying the chocolate! Or at least hide it away properly!

Don’t give in, she will survive an evening without dinner. Definitely would offer chocolate- what message are you sending her? I wouldn’t give a treat for no reason.

but my toddler also eats food at the CM he doesn’t eat at home at all! And they taste the same, I cook his lunches!

There shouldn't be an option of "everything" for her to refuse.

Cook something, put it in front of her on the table and say "here you go", and start eating your dinner. If she says she doesn't want it, say "that's ok, it will be here on the table for you if you're hungry later" then let her go and play.

She'll either come back for it later or she'll miss dinner. She won't starve. The fact that she eats what's given to her elsewhere means she doesn't have issues eating. She's just taking the piss out of you. You gave her a chocolate bar for her dinner. You must see that you're the problem here OP.

The only words I say around food (with 2 and a half year old toddler) are: "here you go", "your plate will be here on the table if you feel hungry later", and (if he eats everything on his plate) "is your tummy full or would you like a yoghurt or a banana?"

I've always read that giving options is important for kids... maybe I've taken this too far though. I recognise that having chocolate for her dinner clearly is not ideal. Hence my post.

Not for dinner OP. You can give her agency in other ways. For example picking her toppings for her pancakes or porridge, deciding what she wants to drink with dinner, a choice of which fruit she'd like at snack time etc.

Another way to give her some agency and independence is to get her to pick a meal she'd like to have one night in the week and she can help you make a list and go shopping for it. So if she likes spaghetti Bolognese you can help make a list with her and draw or print out pictures of what you need. Take her to the shop to help find the ingredients and get her involved in making it.

Not sure if this would help but when my eldest was young I often read him books at the dinner table, it meant he sat and ate whilst was distracted. Maybe that would help take the focus off the food?! Also both my kids loved plates like these, wouldn't work for spaghetti bolognese but great for lunch, I used to do something like cucumber, cheese, salami, peppers, then under the last lidded section I would put a little treat, like a mini chocolate but they could only have it if they ate everything. Might be worth a go?! amzn.eu/d/d2aZNFo Xxx