Mentally unwell acquaintance and backing off

[StephanieLampshade]

A year ago I met a woman in a bar. We enjoyed drinks together.

We met again in the same local exchanged numbers.

After going out a few times it's become clear that in addition to an autism and ADHD diagnosis she is very unwell. She hasn't worked for years. Has been barred by the pub where we met as well as by deliveroo. Is always getting in arguments.

She will call pr text at any time about her anxieties such as whether she should go to A and E because her fridge is too warm etc

She also isn't particularly pleasant having a strong victim complex

She has been very manipulative

I cannot offer the support and validation fir her constant bad decisions that she wants

I have tried to say this nicely

She has now moved away to live with her mum because she says it is too hard for her to live alone.

But she still contacts me complaining of various health problems which all feel very exaggeratrs (covid once a month, perimenopause at 36, etc) and saying she doesn't have any friends and is suicidal

I could just block her. I care about her but I'm out of my depth and the constant demands and issues are so exhausting

Tell her that you’re busy or struggling or some such so might be quiet. Mute her and then make a time every day or few days when you look to see if she’s messaged and reply.

Not such extreme circumstances but I did that with a new friend that needed more support than I could give (and who has family and a partner so did have some support).

Just block and move on. Sounds like she's the type that will always be a drain on people.

Thanks! @MichaelBurnhamFan this has worked in the past when I've said my Dad was unwell (he was!).

We're not friends o feel like an unpaid support worker and she does get a lot of support from council and NHS mental health services.

TBF I know someone similar and in the end I did just block her because it was making me unwell. She brought nothing to my life, she installed herself in my house and family and then started to cause trouble and it wasn't worth it.

Do it. Block her. She'll find someone else. Her problems aren't yours and you can't help her without breaking yourself.

Sorry to say but I think I'd ignor and then block her. She has moved away now, you know she has form for being unpleasant. She has issues she needs to sort you are not obliged to be part of that.

You said yourself that you're not friends and she is getting professional support. You have no role here.

Yes i had this once 😬 i did block tbh. I was getting anxiety, the more i tried to distance it ramped up drama, she started trying to befriend family members online and intergrate in my private life. Messaging my husband ect.

So i just blocked and my family did too as it was getting a little unhinged.

Sometimes you have to look after number one and if that means blocking and ignoring her, then so be it. She's not enhancing your life, you therefore owe her nothing.

I'd probably try the 'lots on at the moment, I'll be in touch' slowish fade rather than just blocking outright. If she calls, don't answer and then respond later by text. Don't answer her texts for a day or two and then extend the time so she gets used to you not responding and might give up naturally. I do tend to feel guilty at the drop of a hat though so.....

Thanks everyone. I feel better that so many have been in this situation and have backed away.

I can't help her beyond calming her in her extreme moments of anxiety and she does have access to a 24 hour line staffed by experts.

She texted this morning g with another list of complaints and I've not responded.

I think ill say I'm very busy with my new job and trying to support my family (my brother is due in court soon and this has put a lot of strain on Mum).

Maybe some generic responses like "sorry things are bad at the moment" or "I'm not sure. Could you phone your tram to ask their advice"

And if that doesn't work I will block her. We're not connected on socials and she doesn't know my address or last name.

That sounds like a good way forward.
Good luck.

I’ve been in your position and I’m sorry to say but it doesn’t get better. Block and delete - she will find someone else to “lean on” (I.e. harass).