Overly sensitive 12 year old advice

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I think he gets lost a bit in the family, two of my children have disabilities including is twin. He struggles though, he's always in tears and upset. His older brother can be difficult for him (and everyone). He does attend the young carers programme, he struggles with friendships, he struggles to make decisions and will base most of his decisions on what his dad would do or eat.

He gets a lot of one on one attention. Lots of time away from the others, he's had counselling, he attends the young carers service, he gets treats for helping out etc. we have done exercises on resilience and had other professionals do work on it, he's just sensitive but I don't know how to help him? Someone just looks at him wrong and he's in tears. He worries me. He's a really good boy that always wants to be helpful and get praise, it's not the easiest family with his older and twin sibling, but I can't do a huge amount about that. Anyone able to help their sesntive child? Like anyone I just want him happy.

Bless his heart, I understand how this feels as a parent as a highly sensitive child. I’m a paediatric specialist healthcare provider (and someone with sensory processing issues, but not ASD) - so I would probably tackle it this way.

firstly, has he been seen or assessed by anyone regarding this? Does he have sensory processing issues such as things being too loud, too bright, textures with food etc, feels everything really deeply? If he does - the highly sensitive child might be a good book to read for your information. It’s great he has counselling - I had a lot of similarities as a child and realise now it was because I had a highly sensitive nervous system which also meant I had a huge amount of anxiety and social anxiety.

if the HSP thing resonates, it is a gift, but it’s about harnessing it. If those things seem to resonate you may want to look into polyvagal theory and sensory strategies to help regulate him. I am a sensory integration practitioner (currently off sick due to LC) but worked with a lot of children with anxiety. Anxiety will also impact on decision making as the prefrontal thinking brain gets hijacked by the amygdala - so I think somatic and body based practices can be amazing for this. This is just from my lens though, others may chime in with more useful suggestions. There is more I could say but that would be the basic questions I would ask a parent if I was working.