Why do some mums netters....

[Justasking49]

When people post for advice or to share their situation. Or just for general support

Some mums netters: just move , get a cleaner, get counselling , get outside support for your child such as CAMHS. Get a diagnosis. Why don't you take any advice. Why do people think these things are easily available? Don't read op updates so many posts are not even relevant.

i know what you mean
it is a quick easy comment, and the way some people use mn
ltb,

I know what you mean. The move house one is often a really stupid suggestion.

Don’t get me started on people not at least reading ALL of the OPs posts before commenting!

Probably because posters can't see outside of their own life , so this is how they would solve the problem . Maybe OP is not giving out enough information on their lifestyle .

Would anyone really believe it was that easy though? I mean “move house” for example?? And yes you might (if you are lucky) get a referral for camhs, but pretty much everyone knows your child will be waiting at least a year!

All advice is well intended. The road to support is bumpy. CAMHS is not only a long wait but the process of recovery is itself long and bumpy. If you’re drowning in full time work/childcare/house work, outsourcing your cleaning is one solution to lightening the load. If you don’t have the money to pay, then you remain overloaded. Sadly, there’s often no solution because of a lack of money or access to resources.

People mean well. But posters asking for input are going to get my West London brand of a solution, which may not work at all in West Lothian.

I know. 'Therapy' costs about £70 an hour where I am 🤦🏻‍♀️ If you get it on the NHS, it's either in the form of a computer programme telling you to go for a walk or there's a 10 year waiting list to get to talk to a human.

Yes exactly that .

It does seem as though everyone on MN (including their husband and kids) has a personal therapist and earns at leat £80k a year. Maybe they do and they don't understand more prosaic problems.

I get annoyed when they don't fully read the post and ask "so how old are your DC" when the OP has clearly stated 5 and 10 and it is totally relevant to the subject.

Meant to add that they're usually in therapy about who does the washing up or because their MIL visits them every Tuesday.

I love the 'just move house' ones. Yeah ok, I'll just uproot my life at great expense because you say so... Especially when OP asks for advice on how to manage/coping strategies in their current situation without having to move.

Just move / hire a cleaner / extend into the attic…

Ok. I’ll just search down the back of my sofa for the spare cash. Oh wait…

Oh or the wheres the father in all this . Then proceeds to advice how father should be responsible even though mum has not heard from him in 5 years .

Not even coins in the sofa now. We are all contactless 🤣

My relative has a 'just move' attitude to everything....she has moved herself and her two children 5 times in the last 8 years, apparently now they don't like the neighbours so it sounds like she might be gearing up for another move.
Moving doesn't solve the problem, the problem is inside her and she hasn't realised yet that she can't run away from herself!!
Whenever I see a poster on here saying 'just move' I always wonder if their life is the same car crash as my relatives as most of us don't just up sticks and run the minute we are not happy with something!

Nothing changes if nothing changes though

I always enjoy “take in ironing” when someone needs money normally fairly quickly to pay for a bill etc, yes quickly set up your business, market it, spend ages building up a decent client base, problem solved!

Poster owes three thousand pound to be paid in the next week or their home will be repossessed- MN 'take in ironing'
Posters husband works 12 hour days and happened to come home half an hour late one day as he was having a much needed hair cut - MN 'you need to take yourself on a spa weekend what a piss take'
Poster who has been obese for many years and has a psychological addiction to food 'just eat less and move more'

I agree, lots of unhelpful advice. I hate it when people who are broke get told to take in ironing ! Firstly how many people can pay someone else to do their ironing, secondly people barely iron anything anyway these days. Also the get a cleaner - like people can afford an extra £25 a week !

Ah, but the coins will be turning up until the end of time!

I agree with you. People suggest things that are really quite obvious and there are clearly reasons why the OP can't take those actions.

One of my peeves is "just ask him" or "just talk to her. Why can't people talk to each other?" when the OP has explained that she's tried to do that, but they don't listen/get aggressive/refuse to discuss. It's as though some people can't comprehend that not everyone is reasonable. The people who say "ask her not to" to an OP whose mother phones them 8 times a day to moan, obviously have a better variety of mother themselves.

Yes people think it's so simple you can't make anyone do anything. Then when you explain why that won't work. They have a go at the op.

Complaining about the GP when it is obviously not the GPs fault
Example ; mum posts a complaint that her gp was dismissive when she took her 15month old because she could only say a handful words - mum very anxious about autism and complained that gp said baby was developing fine.
Not the GPs fault when she should have seen a health visitor first.
But everyone complained about their own experiences with their gp surgery instead.

I’ve only used Mumsnet for about a week, and I’ve found there are mostly really good parts that I’ll stick around for… but there are some really obvious painful parts 😂 (some people who think they know more than you about everything and every situation, despite not knowing you at all…)

@PoliteTurtle that's so true lol