Postnatal confinement practices

[Babyboomtastic]

This subject came up recently. It was derailing that thread, and not the most sensitive place for that discussion, but given a few of us are interested in the subject I've started this thread.

I'd be grateful if MN didn't delete this as a TAAT, as it's got nothing to do with the original thread apart from a side discussion that emerged.

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What are people's views of postnatal confinement practices? Obviously these range in intensity, but I'm thinking things like the month long Chinese confinement and the like.

There'd mean no pressure to get dressed, do chores, see guests. But equally, no going for a walk, seeing friends and family.

What about more extreme versions where it's just the woman and the baby alone together, and even the father and other siblings aren't allowed contact for the first few months?

Are they useful in bonding? Would you have loved or hated it? Do you feel it more has it's roots in supporting postnatal women or in religious 'cleanliness' rituals?

For my part, I have no issue with it as long as it's truly optional, with no cultural pressure to partake. It would have been my idea of hell, but I can understand how some peaceful space would be helpful to some women. I think need mums off feel quite isolated anyway, so enforcing that would only make it worse.

As long as it's optional.
Personally I had a week in hospital after giving birth abroad. Totally normal vaginal birth with some tearing but nothing major. Huge private room with small sitting room and ensuite. Baby taken away every night, great food and encouraged to drink beer for milk production. Bliss!
I could have gone home I suppose but didn't question it at the time.

It was all paid for by my national insurance equivalent in said country and is par for the course there. So different from the NHS!

I could go for walks around the grounds, have family/friends to visit.

A week after DD1 was born, DH went abroad again with the Army. I needed to be out and about for my own sanity and practical reasons, as I sort of wanted to eat!

Women should be able to do what works for them. Dont want visitors? That should be fine. Want visitors... also fine. What to go out? Fine. Want to stay at home... also fine. Happy for Granny to take baby for walk? Fine. Want to keep baby close... fine. No pressure. No judgement.

Sophie Messager's book, Why Postnatal Recovery Matters explores the practices of support in the postnatal period. Most involve support of the woman by other women. I think some traditions have been absorbed into religion but I also believe there is value for some women in staying close to baby, keeping energy exertion low, nourishing her body, resting and bonding with the new baby.

For some, 3 days in bed, 3 days on the bed and 3 days around the bed, makes lots of sense. 40 days confinement seems a lot in today's world. Some women cannot wait to get outside and some families are keen to congratulate new parents and meet their new relative very soon. The biggest change from older traditions is the involvement of fathers and I see that as a great step forward and one which should be embraced!

I am a birth and post natal doula and see more families wanting to consider what their options are for a gentle introduction to the world for their babies and a calm postnatal period for new parents within the constraints of modern life that require new parents to shop, cook, clean and generally allow life to carry on without traditional family structures that we sometimes are guilty of idealising.

For some women, planning to slow down after the arrival of a new baby, asking for support in terms of food, presence, body work and rest (the 4 pillars described in SM's book) can be a beautiful way of easing into the new normal. For others, their social interaction is about seeing friends, maybe even eating out, getting active quickly after birth and allowing baby to fit into normal life as quickly as possible. Neither is wrong.

With the possible caveat that the mother's wishes and needs are put at the centre of ay planning.

It wouldn't have suited me at all, I was out having coffee the day after btoh my births. However a friend had her dc in Hong Kong and said she had a confinement nurse come and look after her for a week with times, and bloody loved it.
It depends on your personality, energy levels post birth, how easy your birth was etc, but why not if you want to?

Interesting that the 'similar threads' includes postnatal help at home and camping with a newborn! There is space for everything!!

I have a friend who did it in Hong Kong. She had a woman who moved in and took care of everything (basically a confinement nanny). She enjoyed it and was tearful at the end but found it really useful to have someone experienced teaching her how to be a mum. Obviously she was an expat and far from family. Basically the confinement nanny took care of her and the baby. She made all the meals, gave her advice and encouraged her to focus on her recuperation. My friend was able to bond and look after the baby but also have a guilt-free break when she was struggling.

There are a religious sect near me where the women stay in bed for 14 days after having a baby. Other women come and do housework, etc for them. I’d be very bored and worry about blood clots but they all seem happy.

Blood clots occurred to me too especially with a very prolonged confinement period. It wouldn't have suited me as I was keen to get out doing normal things and showing my baby off, but at the same time if I could have afforded paid help to be present to hold baby whenever I wanted to nap or shower that would've been lovely.
I wonder when it changed in the UK? I like reading historical novels and the 40 day confinement with the need to be 'churched' at the end happens in Tudor novels though I've no idea of the historical accuracy of such books!

This is one practice which we were discussing which someone mentioned (I hope I'm not being inappropriate by quoting them). If anyone knows what this relates to I'd be really interested.

*"Did a little Social Anthropology at university, and read about a culture where women give birth then are placed in accommodation alone with their newborn for three whole months. People bring them food, and take care of their older children, but no-one is allowed in with mother and baby. It seemed like a good system - time to establish breastfeeding, get to know each other and bond, no need to fend off demanding relatives, no germs etc.

Not sure what would happen if the mother has a toddler she's still feeding as well as the newborn. Common sense says they'd be in with the mother but I don't know"*

Super interesting, I will follow.

I definitely wouldnt have wanted to be isolated with baby for any time at all after having either of mine. I found it all a very emotional time and felt almost a physical need for my DH's intense support. I did have long labours and difficult births both times with injuries though so perhaps that played a big part in it. I hate hospitals though so was desperate to get home as soon as possible both times. We had some support from family after birth of DC1 which was super helpful. Hardly anything after DC2 for various reasons which was rubbish as with a toddler too we felt we needed it more second time round, so that was pretty rough in the first week or so. I always like having plenty of visitors once I'm settled at home, I like showing off my babies and it makes me happy to see that they are so loved by others. And of course any offers of support or help are always super appreciated.

Well, that sounds bloody fantastic.

Thanks for starting this thread!!

I’m an anthropologist; my PhD is in the anthropology of sleep and my current research focuses mostly on the anthropology of breastfeeding, trying to understand more about biological and cultural norms in weaning - mostly on the Indian subcontinent but I’ve studied South American and Arctic Circle cultures too, admittedly before I had my own children (!!)

The poster who was referring to a form of solitary confinement did say that she was remembering back 30 years or something, so it’s fair to assume it may be a shaky recollection. However: there are Indigenous cultures I’ve encountered - I’m thinking of the Pacific Isles - where mother and baby dwell in a separate area and are not separated at all for a period of 6-8 weeks (usually this aligns with the cessation of lochia, but not as part of a cleanliness narrative, more of a ‘this is a sign from your body/nature to rest’). In the culture I’m thinking of (will come back and add name), women typically birth alone, as mammals do, and baby is not touched by anyone for the entire confinement period. The woman, however, is provided for completely by a special group of elder women - kind of like postnatal doulas I suppose. If she is too weak to move, they come and move her arms and legs in circle motions - presumably preventing blood clots, which PP raised as a concern. And she is helped to the toilet, with baby attached to her body in a wrap or in her arms. Older children come to breastfeed, although this is rare as pregnancies are spaced beautifully by prolonged lactation in non-Western cultures, so the next child is not conceived until the preceding child has weaned. However, where there are other children feeding, they pop on and then leave once finished. Mum sleeps,
feeds baby, changes baby, you know the drill. It is thought that this period is essential to allow recovery such that a woman can quickly re-join the group and take up her role again in the allo-parenting system. There are rituals to mark the end of lochia and emerging from ‘confinement’ but they are less about purity and more about new life, regaining strength, etc.
We often don’t encounter the ‘churching’ effects that we might expect to see when looking at Polynesian/Micronesian cultures.

Anyway, it’s not really my areas of expertise but I am interested in it! My first was born in the first Covid lockdown, so I had a kind of confinement, and it was great for me. Except having to trek to hospital for every appointment, which with a third degree tear and a severely tongue tied baby was not fun. Basically the interruptions to the confinement were the issue!

@LabradorFiasco I think it's really interesting. I was surprised by how much of an urge I had to get on with life for both my first and second child.

However my confinement was before birth. I had severe SPD, couldn't leave the house without assistance in the third trimester, and it was incredibly lonely time. I entered motherhood having survived months on 3-4 hours sleep a night broken into 30m segments due to pain. I got far more sleep after birth than before. Within 24 hours of my c-sections I was in less pain and more mobile than I've been for months. I also have Tokophobia, not having overcome my fear and been able to have a child, I was on cloud 9. I suspect that had a lot to do with it, but my experiences postpartum seem light and day different from most peoples.

I expect I'm unusual, the first month postpartum I had boundless energy. It was a surge of energy I have never experienced since. I assumed that I would just crash at some stage, but it just slowly faded away way over the next six months, and returned to 'normal'.

I had to be persuaded not to go to Tesco's on the way home from hospital with my first (formula fed, good sleeper at birth, tricky from 1y+), and then invited my best friend over half an hour after getting home! I don't think I spent a whole day at home for the first few months.

I hosted a party for 30 to 40 people 3 weeks after my first was born, I went on a baking bonanza (with baby in a sling) to cater for it. We shared all baby care and nights equally though so I wasn't remotely tired.

With my second (ebf colicky non sleeping baby), the energy surge was slightly less pronounced possibly because I be had a two year old, but it was still definitely there. Home from hospital on Wednesday. Out to a cafe for lunch on Thursday. Up early on Friday making family breakfast with baby in the sling before going on a day trip out to see friends. Saturday hosting a bbq for friends (though I did let husband cook). Sunday was church and a pub lunch. The following week I was in soft play, going down the slides 😂

None of this makes me better, or hardier than other mums. The hormones just did different things to my body and I was in less pain and more rested.

The idea of a period of confinement makes me want to scream. I think I'd literally be climbing out of a window. I'd also be getting my husband to climb in through the window to give me a break 😀. Thankfully it would have been short for me at least -my lochia had totally stopped by day 10.

When looking into it later, I discovered the 'baby pinks ' which I think I had a version of. It's basically the opposite of the baby blues. It is usually followed by a crash of exhaustion. It was definitely hormonal in nature for me, and incredibly powerful. If that had been negative rather than positive, as it is for most women, I can see how it would be a really hard time.

Postnatal is a very unique time, whatever form it takes. I don't like the idea of women being forced to get back to normal immediately, or to closet themselves away. Everyone's experiences are so different that I really think it needs to be up to the woman, without pressures from societal norms. I wonder if pushing women away from their instincts (whatever those are) is a big contributing factor to postnatal depression.

In your research in the anthropology of breastfeeding, what impact did confinement have on its success? On here it's said a lot that a woman needs peace etc to establish breastfeeding. I didn't have peace (by choice) but I also didn't want to establish breastfeeding. Baby just got took charge and got it sorted. I'm wondering if I just got 'lucky' (I didn't actually want to EBF but baby didn't give me a choice).