DD having 'art based therapy' but worried it's not utilising her time there...

[ThatSharpCrow]

Basically she was on a waiting list for 2 years with a charity for therapy after trauma.

She got to the top of the list and we were contacted by a practitioner there who asked if DD wanted to see her as an art therapist. She said she was newly qualified and a talking therapist who incorporates art as a tool.

DD is a massive artist and draws constantly so it seemed perfect for her.

I was a little concerned when, at the first session that I sat in on (just a pre therapy meet up for a chat, I'm not involved now) the therapist said that DD can talk, or talk and draw or just draw and not talk at all

It took it as her just reassuring DD that she won't be forced to say anything she doesn't want to.

However DD came out of her last session and mentioned all the stuff she had drawn in the session (her 3rd)

And I asked her if she had a good session and if they had talked much.

She said 'no, not really. I just drew'

Now I'm worried that I've made the wrong choice.

2 years we've waited to get to talk to someone. 2 years of school backing us up to try and get bumped up the list because they're worried about her. GP visits. CAHMS.

All waiting for 'help'.

And now I feel like she's just wasting her 12 hours help doodling :(

DD is 15. Would it be inappropriate to email the therapist and ask her if DD is actually progressing in her talking and utilising the service she's actually been waiting for?

Of course she's going to just sit and draw if she's not pushed a little to open up?

How does your DD feel about the art therapy?
That is more important than how much she talks during it. It is still early too, often talking therapy the first half dozen sessions are about establishing trust and feeling it is a safe space. No one opens up and talks about trauma right from the start if it’s something they have not really talked about before.

It's not just the trauma. In fact the trauma therapy is seperate and she's still on a waiting list and I'm not sure this therapist even knows about it fully.

It's more low mood, anxiety, a single incident of SH, body image, food related etc.

I know it takes a while but she's spent 5 sessions with her now (2 x 1hour presessions and 3 formal ones) and DD seems to be saying they haven't really talked about anything yet.

Maybe I'm expecting too much.

But I'm just scared these 12 sessions will end and that it, that was the help. And DD is still in the same head space :(

She enjoys it so far.. Which is good. I suppose as long as she still keeps wanting to go that's good.

I know you're right. Thankyou for replying. It's just the session number constraint that's got me in a panic I guess.

They don’t talk because they don’t trust. Trauma eradicates trust. And young people who have been through a significant trauma have likely been and/or felt unprotected by adults (I.e. teachers who did little to stop bullying, parents- like me- who didn’t see or know abuse was happening). Silence is because she’s lost her voice. Therapy is the safe space where she will eventually find it again. A therapist is a professional with great skills, training, patience, emotional intelligence. But to your daughter, the therapist is not yet a person of trust. You’re expecting her to open up to a stranger. This isn’t about what you want her to get out of therapy. And no time is wasted time. She will get there. Unraveling trauma is long and windy. Allow it to unfold.

Don’t email. This is DD’s therapy. Her space. Her time. She will talk. It took my own daughter two years to open up. All she did was draw! Mine too is an avid and exceptional (if I may say so) artist who draws her way through everything. That is the therapy! Step back. Trust. Let her find her way. And don’t ask what was discussed. This is her space. I’m being harsh with you because I used to be you. 💐💐💐

Is she seeing a CAMHS therapist too, OP?

Try to trust the process. Talking is really hard and certainly not everyone's go to.

Art therapy an be utterly brilliant.

Please don't scupper this. And you really shouldn't quiz your dd about her therapy, that's not cool.

If she reaches the end of those 12 sessions feeling calmer, more mindful of her problems and trusting of people offering her help it will have been worth its weight in gold.

She doesn’t have to come out of these sessions totally reformed. She just needs to be started on the right path so that she can eventually begin supporting herself as well.

This is part of what art therapy is. There is no pressure to talk and it's led at the child's pace. I do play therapy which includes art materials but I'm not an art therapist. The art helps develop a relationship between the child and therapist which is authentic and helps lead onto talking. It allows the child to be in charge in a safe environment. To qualify you have to do lots of practice as a trainee so the therapist will already have a lot of experience. Often its a post graduate qualification where you need lots of experience working with young people before starting. The only thing I would say is that if she has lots of trauma and high support needs she may be still deep in the process of therapy after 12 sessions. So I would ask how it's reviewed and any chance of extending. You could ask the therapist for recommendations of books to read or information about the process

Art therapy can be brilliant. Right now the therapist is building a relationship and building trust with your dd. Your dd will talk when she feels ready and when she feels comfortable enough. By engaging in art she can be learning lots of different techniques to help south and calm her anxiety.

I wouldn’t email yet, I’d hang back and let dd have her space. If she’s enjoying it and comes home talking about the different pieces she created then ask to see them (if she takes them home) and talk about how she created them.

Don’t panic. Trauma can’t be resolved in 12 sessions, and drawing can be as powerful as talking.

Its good that she is enjoying it. That means it is a positive experience. Even just setting up a pattern of going to therapy is positive is a good pattern. Think of all the kids and adults terrified of the dentist because of a bad experience and they let their teeth rot out of their mouths. The same happens with kids and adults who try therapy and a therapist pushes them too hard, too fast and then they give up on therapy, say it is useless and their MH just gets worse and worse.

Your DD might just need this easing into therapy and associating therapy as good, helpful and therapists as nice people to get her into a comfort zone to open up later on. Even if that is all she gets from it, that is a good thing.

In my experience, when the 12 sessions end, they can often recommend more sessions often on a sliding scale if a charity where you pay a contribution based on income.

You said she is on a wait list for trauma therapy, in which case this therapy is probably more about ensuring she stays stable and well enough to have trauma therapy when she is at the top of the wait list. You can be too unwell to withstand trauma therapy. Trauma therapy is hard work and can make MH worse before improving MH.

12 sessions will scratch the service. Do you have an option to pay for more sessions after the 12,or to extend the sessions?
I'm a therapist and I do talking therapy, but
work alongside Art therapists. Art therapy is a non directive therapy where the Art is used as an expressive form. Talking is always secondary.
Also, no counsellor or Art therapist will strongly encourage a young person to
talk, especially not in the first few sessions. Its a time consuming process. Sometimes theres a clash between what parents want
and what the child wants, ie. Mum wants child to open up and get coping tools, whilst child wants space to be heard or to
be themselves, without pressure.

OP, you need to read your posts and ask ‘am I doing what I can to create a calm unpressurised environment?’

Because your stress levels and expectations really sound too high. You may be part of the problem - sorry - and you need to re-calibrate all your expectations. Easier said than done I know but really, you need to leave her to this.

Could you channel your energies into earning/selling enough extra cash that the pressure of the sessions is removed because you can pay for more? I realise they are expensive.

This is part of the process, it’s building the foundations to explore.

Your dd isn't going to be 'better' after 12 sessions, it doesn't work like that, you don't chat a few times, feel better and put it behind you, rather if you are 15, have issues and trauma, then just expressing yourself anywhere, in any medium is going to be better than holding it all in even if on the surface it doesn't seem about anything in particular. One of my dd's has a therapist who just listens to her and let's her know she's great, they don't have huge big deep chats, but she has another adult in her life who believes in her and listens in a non-critical non-judgemental way. Even after a couple of years, this is incredibly useful. I do pay privately though, now. All our dalliances with free services haven't been great, partly because they are too brief.

My DS communicates FAR more emotion and feeling through drawing than he ever will through words... he has selective mutism and often doesn't feel safe speaking (he has ASD). His drawings can be very very powerful. If she is drawing in the space of another.. that may be first steps to sharing how she feels. Just let it be what it is... the fact she is even going willingly is a huge step forward.

Art therapy isn't "let's draw because it makes me feel good", it's using the act of drawing to connect with difficult emotions in a more manageable way to allow you to process things, make sense of them and release them.

If she's on a list for trauma therapy then this could be useful for stabilisation, which is important before trauma therapy. Trauma therapy often isn't even particularly about talking about the trauma, the therapeutic relationship is usually more important.

I have received trauma therapy and being allowed to sit in silence instead of being badgered or pressured to "open up" was really important to me. I wasn't pushed to talk if I couldn't and that was partly what gave me back my sense of safety.

I trained in art psychotherapy and its not really a talk based therapy but art is a form of communication and it can be very effective especially for young people. I work with a charity and do art therapy with traumatised refugees, who often can't speak at all about the trauma they have been though and even if they could their level of English would limit the effectiveness of talking therapy.

There is a lot to it, and just the process of sitting with someone who is fully focused on you while you draw or make is very healing, it taps into the earliest stages of your development. Read W. D. Winnicott for more information on this. Also therapy, good therapy is a process and it takes time. I've seen wonderful transformations in people and have also worked with prisoners and children in the past who have had horrific experiences you wouldn't believe.

It could be that she's talking more than even she realises, but doesn't want to rehash it all to you (that would be emotionally exhausting) so simply says "we didn't talk much".

Like when kids come back from school, what did you do today "oh nothing much". They're just not wanting to talk about it at that moment.

I'd say it's a good sign if anything, that she's feeling comfortable around the therapist.

I'm confused because the woman said they absolutely will not be picking apart what DD draws and she doesn't need to communicate through her work.

DD told me what she's drawn after each session and it's been the same everytime (I have not ASKED her, she's very chatty when she comes out and asks if I want to know what she drew) and every time it's been her cat, spiderman and her current music obsession person (a rapper) so it's doesn't seem like her art is being used to communicate because the therapist explicitly said that's not what she does.

And I'm not putting pressure on DD at all. She comes out and tells me what she's drew an the only question I've ever asked is 'did you do any talking' and I would NEVER in a million years ask anything further.

That's an excellent point.

Thankyou.

I'll leave her to it as I have no idea what the progress is like behind the closed door or inside DDs head and she seems happy to go so that's the most important thing.

I'll reassess once the 12 sessions is up.

Thanks all.

My mum askes me, even though I'm old, how I got on if I go to see a counsellor, or 'if it was helpful', I just clam up and say 'fine thanks' or 'yes it was useful', I find it quite an intrusive question. Sounds like she's looking forward to going there, and for all you know, repeating familiar things is helping her.

the most important thing is the therapeutic relationship. There's research which proves that successful therapeutic outcomes are informed by how strong the therapeutic alliance is, rather than the therapeutic modality used.

I'm a therapist and the repetition in her drawings could be part of her coping with her trauma- familiar reliable things that allow her to feel safe. As others have said try to trust the process and keep in mind that your daughter does seem happy to be attending the sessions. That speaks volumes in itself. I would consider whether private therapy is something you could manage as and when the 12 sessions are complete if it's something your daughter requires at that stage. Just a thought. You sound like a very caring, protective mum and I can understand after all the time and energy waiting to be heard this will feel a bit nerve wracking. I would also suggest ensuring you have good support for you as well as it is not easy to be in your shoes either.