Do jobs in health and social care make you less sympathetic in your personal life?

[AnotherDayAnotherDoller]

Social workers, carers, support workers nurses, police and any i have missed?

I find myself often with generaly low tolerance or head space for friends and families woes! It's horrible sometimes but I just can't muster the energy.

I work with a particularly complex population who's life's have been and continue to be traumatic and chaotic. Generally my friends and family thankfully have no idea how horrific life can be for some.

I think I am so occupied in my work life with such heavy mental load that it leaves me pretty desensitised of the type of anxiety, stress and depression that most of us will experience at different stages in life.

I never used to feel like this, actually the opposite- which is what drove me into my career. I'm good at my job, I love it infact....but it leaves me pretty short on the space to be there for people in my personal life and I wonder do we all feel this?

I hear you. My dc never get a day off school sick. If DH complains of a headache I tell him to increase his fluid intake....I think he'd like me to give him more sympathy. My DM had cancer and whilst I was heart sorry for her I knew she was in a good place clinically so didn't worry too much.

If someone tells me they want to come off their Sertraline I tell them they'll get depressed again. I'm very black and white about it all, I use all my empathy at work.

I know what you mean. Partly I think its perspective- I too work with patients who have horrific histories or circumstances sometimes so when friends moan about their first world problems I do find it hard to really sympathise. Likewise DHs man flu get me short shrift. I sound awful but I’m always there with a listening ear to genuine illness and distress and actually do a lot for people where I can but when people moan about stupid stuff I find it hard to care.

This is exactly me.
It's like I can't really spend energy on anything other than absolute emergency/crisis.
I am also very black and white with low level issues.
I sometimes feel I am probably a bit cold!

I wonder if we all a bit like this after working in health or social care.

Yep.

Zero tolerance to minor ailments and moaners.

I think you do get another perspective on life, I was harder for many years but now feel my resilience is low . I'm leaving my role as a result.

@GotMooMilk
Perspective! Yes I think this is really what it boils down to. It kind of puts the every day life challenges into Perspective and subsequently - I don't see them as being big issues.

You don't sound awful at all! But this is how I feel sometimes. Like am I too hard faced. Then again, I'm the one who does panic, react or loose sense when the shit really does hit the fan so I suppose we need all types lol.

Sometimes I think it would be nice to have such little awareness as that of some of my friends and families. I feel like I flit between two worlds.
One very dark and very grim and the other pretty bright, safe and pleasant.
Ofcourse I don't dismiss anyone's heartache but I do struggle to make as if I have genuine sympathy at times......I'm almost holding back an eye roll most of the time.

No. I think that’s a bit unfair on your nearest and dearest who support you.
that said dc don’t get time off school for anything the way others do, I do get somewhat fed up listening to dm moaning about not being entitled to benefits- she genuinely has no clue how fortunate she is in many respects.

I think I’ve been nursing too long and have got to the point where I’m too aware of the absolute number the job does on physical and mental health and the effect it has on family. My boundaries are very firmly in place these days.

Yes. My XDH used to say ‘if you want sympathy never marry a nurse.’ My response was ‘ I deal with only serious illness’.

Compassion fatigue

Umm, I guess if anything I am less concerned about things that others may find a big thing or traumatic, less rattled. That could come across as a bit cold. The result of years of death and mayhem sadly.

I am very much a "get on with it" type of person in general but have become hardened due to my career.

I have a low tolerance for woe is me, but again, I've always been that way inclined. Every person I meet through work has "anxiety" so it's one of the things I should take more seriously but find hard too.

On the flip side, I have become very patient and I do not get worked up very easily, I am a lot calmer. I am also very compassionate to others in crisis.

Yes! This.

Yes!

Also, secondary trauma. You can actually acquire trauma from supporting traumatised people.

Absolutely, OP. I'm a registered social worker, although I've moved into an education role now. In fact, I was only thinking about this exact same topic the other day. I've seen how some people's lives are so chaotic; so poverty-stricken; their chances so very disadvantaged from the moment they're born that I hold very little sympathy with someone moaning about the 'flu' (read 'sniffly cold') they have. I've seen people face adversity with such courage that day-to-day moaning about first world problems just irritates me. I bite my tongue mostly but sometimes don't.

So, yes, it's made me harder, but also mire reflective. I wonder about today's younger generation and how they're so easily 'triggered' by things that others deal with, alongside much more serious matters; how they lack skills, and how in the big world out there, they will cope. I wonder if we've failed them by encouraging them to focus on their anxieties, to voice their fears whilst there isn't the appropriate support to help them in contexts outside of this. And as we've been doing this, we've lapsed in our duty to make resilient this next generation.

Sometimes after a day at work I feel numb / frozen and with nothing more to say or offer.
The thawing out seems to happen over time, and so it is a delayed reaction, not no reaction.
This is internal hopefully, rather than something others would see . I try and continue to do the best I can to be empathetic and sympathetic at home and at work.
It is tiring though, and probably not sustainable. I think compassion fatigue / burn out is a big deal for workers in the police and health and social care .
🌻❤️

Yeah vicarious trauma I'm sure is the thing that burns out most if our staff! It's not spoken about much to be honest and I think because most of us are so aware of the load of burden sharing, we probably don't share our own!!

Yes. Was medically retired from nursing a few years ago after several breakdowns. All the death and suffering got to me in the end, with no clinical supervision worthy of the name. I can come over a bit cold now.

I think so to some extent. I love my job and care very much for my patients. It sometimes leaves little left for others. I work with some very sick kids, who are incredibly resilient. . And when adults make a massive fuss about a minor ailment. I am not overly sympathetic.

No. I like to think I was quite good at caring as a professional at work and caring as a spouse/parent/friend outside of work. If anything, my job made me try to understand why someone might be whining and moaning rather than just judging the behaviour.

I'm sure my parents think I'm unsympathetic eheh I think they just need to man up.

@AppleDumplingWithCustard
I've heard that line before hahaha

@BBrandnewskytohangyourstarsupon

No miner ailments or moaners might be my new mantra!

I feel numb in both my personal and professional life currently. I fake it where needed but I genuinely think my career and own personal trauma has left me unable to feel anything 🤷 that said, I am very good at faking it at work, less tolerance outside of work though.

Yes 100%, being kind and compassionate all day just means that at the end of it I have low tolerance for what are, in the grand scheme of things for the most part, minor issues.

But as a PP said, when the shit really hits the fan I am the one with a cool head and not losing my mind.

Omg 100%. I work in pastoral support in a secondary school. Seen and heard so much abuse/trauma/violence towards young people over the years I often feel numb in real life. 99% of issues in teens that I’ve seen are down to things that adults who are supposed to care for them have done to them.
My mum will tell me about things friends and neighbours are facing and I often think ‘is that all?’ Or I can’t understand why people are freaking out or in a state about things becuase my spectrum of shite is now so vast. I hate feeling like this and have often thought about quitting because my perspective on things is now so skewed and numb.