Caring for a toddler when you're disabled, tips?

[SteamingTangerine]

I'm disabled and like to help out with my grandchild as much as I can. This wasn't too much of a problem when she was a baby, but she has started walking and climbing now and I'm finding it really hard to keep her in one place away from things she shouldn't mess with. I use a mobility aid and can't move fast or carry her around at all. I usually watch her for around an hour at a time (in my own home so not childproofed) and it's becoming really exhausting and hard.

I know that one day she'll be easier to look after, I will be able to explain to her why she mustn't mess with plugs and try to pull things over, and she will sit and do activities or read a book with me. But until then do any disabled parents or grandparents have any tips or gadgets they can recommend? I've thought about a playpen for example but I wouldn't be able to put her in it or take her out by myself. I really want to be useful and help out with her like any grandmother, not to mention wanting to spend time with her.

I'm in a similar situation, but I tend to look after my grandchild in their own home rather mine, or help out for example if the mum has a hospital appointment, I will mind the child in their pushchair at the hospital. Or sit in the car with the toddler strapped in their car seat whilst the mum pops into the doctors. If I mind them in their own home, it is whilst the mum is at home, but catching up on chores, so I can shout them if the toddler needs anything I can't cope with doing, such as a nappy change. At least this way I feel I am being a bit of use, but not doing anything that is too much for me.

If the child is not used to a playpen, they might be upset about going in it.

It's hard isn't it, wanting to be of use but unable to help! Unfortunately I'm not asked to mind her in her own home, which would be easier.

I'm thinking of clearing out a room and trying to make it as child friendly as possible. I suppose I need to remember that this stage won't last forever!

How about a bigger, walk-in playpen with a gate? Put a chair in it for you to sit on and a selection of toys and books, anything you need for nappy changes, and a drink and snack. You both stay in it together.

I didn't know such playpens existed! When my kids were little there were only lobster pot-style ones.

Unfortunately I don't have anywhere to keep a large playpen permanently (I can only access my downstairs rooms and need space to get through with my rollator) and they don't seem to fold away easily, or this would be a perfect solution. Thank you for the suggestion, if only I had an extra room!

This in-between age is hard. Young toddlers are babies who can travel basically 😂 child proofing a room is a good idea for now. Once they're a bit older you may get a crafty kid and find some quieter things they can enjoy.

In the meantime if you can let them play with water somehow (cups, bowls) that might keep them occupied.

Water is an excellent suggestion actually, I have a downstairs wet room that we could utilise! I will look in to what we can do in there thank you.

Years ago I had a sectional hexagonal, gated playpen that easily folded flat (against a wall, behind sofa etc) because the 'floor' was just a big hexagonal padded mat and the playpen itself was composed of several separate barred sections.

It could be configured into any shape, to be used as a room divider, toddler fireguard, have extra sections added, and so on. I think they still exist and you can also get solid plastic ones now, which might be lighter to fold and store (though no use as a fireguard, I assume lol).

You sound lovely OP but I’m assuming your granddaughter is between 1 and 2 so you’ve got a fair while to go before they get easier to handle. I think a chat with your son/daughter (whoever the parent is) about your capabilities is needed now and to look at doing things together rather than on your own.

I say this as I went to playgroup the other day and a couple of us had to step in to help a grandmother who was physically struggling to control her 2 year old grandson. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, he was just tired and being a typical two year old but kept trying to run out the door and she physically was unable to restrain him or chase after him and she was nearly in tears because of this. it’s completely admirable to want to help out but you must be realistic about your limitations.

@Nosleepforthismum yes you're right, in fact it was my son commenting this morning that I wouldn't be able to look after her much any more that prompted me to make this post

Oh I've been through this with my mum (disabled) when my son was a toddler. She was so desperate to help, and to be honest I was desperate for the cheaper childcare 😂

I obviously don't know your exact circumstances, but I'd gently remind you that your son/DIL reap a lot of rewards from you 'helping out' - and may well be happy to help with small things you come up with. My mum was very fretful that by asking for help, she would be 'failing' me but I loved being able to do bits for her that made a big difference.
For example - I'd sort out a packed lunch for my son including EVERYTHING - water bottle, snacks, and a healthy meal. I'd also do the same with stuff my mum enjoyed eating, so she didn't have to do worry at all about drinks/snacks/meals when concentrating on my little one. Or pick up a prescription or a food click+collect on my way home - such a small task for me but that gave a considerable amount of energy back to my mum!

If you are worried about childproofing, maybe make a short routine that son/DIL can help with on arrival when dropping the toddler off? Even 5 minutes whizzing round unplugging lamps and popping in socket covers in the main room you'll be in would massively help. And helping ensure everything is in the same room ready to go might mean you don't even need a playpen.

Super gentle reminder that communication is key here. I was much happier knowing exactly what problems my mum was up against so we could figure out a solotion. It can be scary (it was for my mum!) to admit limitations as her immediate fear was I'd find other childcare and she wouldn't have regular access to her grandson anymore. But it was quite the opposite - I wanted to know all the ins and outs so I could find solutions!

We're now out of that trickly toddler stage and I'm so so happy for the bond they have kept together and it was definitely worth every measure we had to put in place to protect them both. 100% worth it!

...Even 5 minutes whizzing round unplugging lamps and popping in socket covers in the main room you'll be in would massively help...

Unplug things but do not use the plug in socket covers, they are not safe. Why socket covers are not safe

Oh wow! I stand corrected thanks @Ratfinkstinkypink I had no idea this was a thing 🤐

OP have you actually vocalised any of this to your child?

This. They're really good and can look quite smart.