DP moving in

[spotsandflowers]

I know it's been done before but I'm not sure how much he should contribute.
House is on the market and owned by EXH and I.
We split over a year ago.
He moved out and is renting nearby. I'm paying all the bills and mortgage.
We share DS 50/50.

I met DP after few months after we split and we're now looking at moving in together. The plan is he move in here then buy EXH out.

My thinking is he should pay half the bills and groceries but not the mortgage.

He has a house that he will rent out, which will cover his mortgage.

When we get to the point of him buying EXH out, then we will need a joint mortgage and will pay half each

Why are you moving in with a man so soon? Are you thinking about your sons welfare and needs?

He should pay you rent though, otherwise he’s benefiting from free accommodation and renting his own house out!

You can't buy a house with someone you've only known a year! That's crazy! And moving him in with your DC?

Jesus, this is way too fast for you and especially your child.

Why the huge rush?

You split with your husband a year ago and you're already planning on moving your latest shag in? Do you think about your child at all or is it all about your sex life?

You only started dating this man 7 months ago according to the dating thread??

This feels way too soon.

Really.

Are you sure you are not rushing?

Oh man 🙄 op I really don't think you're putting your child first here, why the rush, is it financial reasons?

Put the brakes on OP, this is way too soon and not fair on your child.

Way way too soon. You don't really know him yet. If he is really considering this soon it sounds like he could be a cocklodger. Why is he not renting somewhere? No no no to him moving in. Particularly if there is a child involved.

I'm also wondering what the odds are of meeting the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, 12 or so weeks after ending things with your husband. Are you sure you're not settling/rebounding??

If you're sure he's the one, then I think it's fairer that he pays 50% of household expenses. So that's 50% of mortgage, bills and food. Then, when you're both sure it's a forever thing (as sure as you can be), you can look into him buying your ex out. Although doesn't your ex want his share now?

Personally, I'd take a step back. I'd deal with the finances of your divorce first, and gain financial independence. Then I'd date my partner for another year and then see what I want to do from there. It sounds like you could be just replacing your ex sized hole with a new model which is rarely a good thing.

Your poor DC!

Slow down, for goodness sake!

Sorry OP you sound like a soft touch. Mere months, already moving a man into your home.
He must have seen you coming. What about your child? It's their home too. There is no way he knows your child well. You want this man to become joint owner of your property - really? Does he have his own house that he can sell or you can both move into or better still he can stay there whilst you still date and take your time? I bet he doesn't. But you want to provide him with an 'easy in', make him a houseowner just like that. Putting everything on a plate for a man never ends well.

The OP made the man's housing situation perfectly clear.

Bloody hell OP. Keep it in your pants and take a bit more time.

"My thinking is he should pay half the bills and groceries but not the mortgage."

The mortgage amount is irrelevant, he should be paying the equivalent of half of what the rent would be if you moved in together that way ...

Your poor poor child, still as long as you are happy. 🤷‍♂️ 🤷‍♂️ 🤷‍♂️

Ok re-read and see he has a house which he'll rent out - so his mortgage will be nicely covered. Then he'll move into yours and eventually become part-owner of your house too. Great. For him.

what is this obsession to keep rushing in and form a step family? Take care of your own !!!

My thinking is you're totally irresponsible to be moving a stranger in with your child.
I'm horrified 😳

My own dc didn't even know my dp existed at the point you're at!
You have half the week free to spend with your dp, the other half you should be focusing on your ds (who you do realise may need considerable love and support to come to terms with you splitting from his dad?!)

It seems to just be getting worse and worse. I'm assuming due to the cost of living crisis.

OP, you might want to watch some of this interview. It's a policeman who infiltrated a peodophile ring undercover for years. He explains how they choose their victims. They basically groom the parents as well as the kids. Don't be in such a rush to bring an unknown man into your kids home.

Slow down.. This is too much too soon
Continue dating until you know him better
Prioritise your DC.. they've had enough change