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How to tell my friend I don't want to do this for my birthday

5 replies

baggagecabbage · 13/02/2024 15:23

I turn 40 in a few weeks and my friend has suggested a spa day/break to celebrate. I said yes initially as I do like treatments but the idea of having to be in the spa area with my swimming costume is making me feel ill with anxiety. I am very overweight and I have awful spider veins all over my legs. I know it shouldn't matter what I look like but I hate my body and don't want to have to show it off, especially next to my friend who is stunning. We haven't booked anything yet but I really don't want to go and I feel like I need to let her know because I know she wouldn't want me to feel bad. Similarly, I don't want to spoil her fun either.

Do I suggest we go and stay in the hotel and perhaps have a facial but I opt out of the actual spa session or is that lame? I don't want to spend loads of money on something where I'm going to feel humiliated. I am trying to do something about my weight but I'm a binge eater and it's gotten worse in the last six months.
I know this is all my fault but I'm just dreading it and I know even if I was to go on a crash diet I wouldn't be able to look any better in time.

OP posts:
TheNuttyNatterer · 13/02/2024 15:28

Just be honest with her, if she is a real friend she will understand. You can either do as you suggest and just book in for a facial or do something else that you would prefer which might be better.

SkaneTos · 20/02/2024 22:14

Very late answer, but I agree with @TheNuttyNatterer .
Be honest with your friend. Say that you appreciate the thought, but...

And Happy Birthday! I hope you will have a lovely celebration, whichever activity you choose to do.

FabFebHalfTerm · 20/02/2024 22:18

Just talk to her.id hate my friend to go along with something for HER birthday (well anytime, but more her birthday) that would make her unhappy.

try to think of a few things you would enjoy that you can suggest.

Magnificen · 20/02/2024 22:31

It's absolutely fine and no shame in saying you feel self conscious and wouldn't relax. Loads of people feel like this. A good friend would say oh ok no worries and plan around it.

baggagecabbage · 09/03/2024 18:00

Just thought I would update.

I didn't hear from my friend until a few days before so I think she wasn't that keen either and we both just were a bit crap about telling each other.

We ended up going for a lovely day out, doing a bit of shopping and sightseeing. It worked out really well and she has booked herself in for a massage at a local spa.!

Lesson learnt - I worry to much!

Thanks for all your help though mumsnetters! Flowers

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