Being late

[blackpup]

There was a discussion recently on TV about people being late. The people chatting explored why people are late and they went into many different reasons and they lost reasons like:

• it's a control thing
• it's a lazy thing
• it's a thing where people lack the capacity to add up time

I was listening to it and it annoyed me because often I am late.

It's never intentional by me.

There is far too much of a pull on my time from every direction - from work and my aging parents. Somebody seems to want a piece out of me every day and it's non stop. Sometimes work holds me late too and some days are long and just exhausting.

I am o my human and I need time for myself too and if I am working all week and sometimes late, I am going to need to get time from somewhere to do some basic tasks like hygiene. Like I was working all of last week, no issue there. I was booked to babysit for Saturday and no issue there and I was busy all day Sunday. Then I was dragged into work on Monday morning and I was kept late. My hair was greasy and I needed to wash my hair.

I was supposed to be in work early this morning but i didn't fancy going into work and working all day long time whatever time I am let go at. Probably 8 or 9 at night and not knowing when the f*ck I will be able to wash my hair. So I washed it this morning and I also took the time to dry my hair too before making lunch for the day and leaving. All this time my phone was hopping from my work too and I had to make the decision to ignore my phone or I will never be able to get out the door and be physically in work.

I see that aspect was never brought into any discussion. When you're working full time it's so hard to go and get a few minutes to yourself. Every day is a migraine for me now.

Also I have an underlying condition and I get sick a lot and sometimes sickness hits me at the wrong time but I can't ig ire it and I have to manage it with medication and sometimes that slows me down. Again it's not intentional. I also see that was never factored into their discussion. Sometimes people are late and it's not intentional.

I know how annoying it is when people are late and it seems it's every time and it seems intentional because I had that done to me. I remember a patch of time where I would go to town with my mother and we would agree to meet at a certain location for whatever time. Over and over and over again my mother was always late and it was never by 5 or 10 minutes. Sometimes 15 or 20 minutes.

I remember a time where we agreed to meet and I turned up to the location on time and I waited around for about 10 minutes and again she was a no show and at that stage I walked away and I never returned back or met her. She was always doing it. She never did again to me after that day turning up late. It is annoying when people are late.

However, sometimes there are circumstances beyond someone's control too.

I think the reasons vary from person to person. I have a lovely friend who is nearly always late by at least 15 minutes, sometimes up to 45; she simplynever factors in enough time. There's no power play or disrespect in it, that's just the way she is and I alter my expectations accordingly.

I don’t think lateness is always a choice! I have this thing where when I’m getting ready my mind wanders and I start thinking about other things! Then I look at my watch and think ‘ffs’ how did it get to be this time?! I don’t do it deliberately it just happens and I can get quite lost in my thoughts. I’m better now than I used to be and make sure I check my watch and set alarms etc.

Everyone else is beset by the same sort of obstructive circumstances as you. That's life.
Most of us wouldn't prioritise washing our hair over being on time for work.
You think your hair is more important.
That's why late people annoy the fuck out of others. Do you see?

From the perspective of someone who is always early or on time (bar the rare completely out of my control event), I couldn't care less why people are continually late, it doesn't interest me, it just doesn't work with my personality. I move on to friends more like me, and the late people can hang out with people more like them.

My husband is consistently late. I hate it and it makes me really angry and anxious. I believe he is "time blind" which is a thing, but not really an excuse. I often say if we get divorced it will be didn't to his time keeping. If you have made an appointment, figure out how long it takes to get ready and get there. Add some contingency. Why should other people spend there time waiting for you?

Occasional lateness is one thing. When someone is consistently late then I don't make plans with them anymore. I had a friend like that. I just stopped meeting up with her.

Being on time doesn't always come easy to me. If I need to be somewhere but there are several things I need to do beforehand, I will sit down and write a plan working backwards from the time I need to be ready. Then I add some extra time to be sure. Anyone can do it. Its not a special skill I have.

I genuinely don't see that an adult has any real excuse to always be late. Emergencies happen and I would be understanding of that. But poor planning isn't an emergency.

I mean I've never been late from washing my hair but not all hair is that quick!
It takes me 10 mins to wash and add product and then 45 mins to diffuse it to about 80% dry. If I want it fully dry it's over an hour pain in the arse
My hairdressers dries it with two hairdryers and diffusers

I'm like you @EmpressSoleil

I really struggle with being on time. People often say on these threads, oh bet you manage to be on time for a flight or doctor's appointment. Actually - no. The higher stakes the situation is, the more likely I'll get flustered, make poor decisions, and be late.

I have to really work backwards, do a lot of advance prep, and plan all my steps.

I can easily self-sabotage - be on time & then inexplicably decide I will do a task or make a detour and find myself late.

I'm not late in work - there are few variables so I can control the environment to make sure I'm on time for meetings. I can be late getting to work - but I don't have a set start time so it's fine in that sense - so I overcome it by starting very early, straight from the gym so there's no distractions in terms of getting ready.

I am one of those people who under-estimate how long everything takes. I work hard at trying to be on time as I do appreciate it's disrespectful to others if I'm late.

Choosing to wash your hair causing you to be late for work is inexcusable

If you have adhd then you have something called time blindness. Basically everything takes longer than our brain realises it does. There were countless times in my 20s I was late so much. I used to cry with the stress as I hated being late and yet I could never understand why I couldn't be quicker or why it was always me.

Now in my mid to late 30s, diagnosed with ADHD finally last year. But since 27 onwards, I use my phone calendar relentlessly. I always give myself longer time now. There is the odd time I'm late these days if I've not factored in traffic (say on a day off and forgot it was through the week and not sat) then I'm about 5 to ten mins late but mostly I'm pretty good at being on time these days.

It was never about being arrogant or rude or thinking my time was better than anyone else. I just had a brain I didn't know how to control. Now I do, my life is smoother... in that aspect. Not so much others 😆😆😆

Saying that I do realise that there some people who are selfish twats who don't care.

Persistent consistent lateness is absolutely a choice.

I am fine with people being late if they let me know that’s going to happen. But please don’t leave me standing around/ holding a meeting/ restaurant table etc . I find that so rude, and I won’t do it as a regular thing.
I am sorry that work and aging parents are taking so much of your time and energy Op. I have been there. You need to be really straight with both, hard as that is, and if you need personal time - to wash your hair, paint your nails, get totally wasted, take it, but tell them.

I developed an interest in haircare over the past few years. I like looking after my hair. I was neglecting myself for far too long. I abused my hair for far too long. I will never neglect my head of hair again. I enjoy looking after my hair. I did get up early this morning but the time ran away so quickly and easily. I didn't have an exact start time as such for my work. The ideal start time was 10 am but I went in an hour later. It wasn't great but sure at least I was there.

I hate being kept late which happens a lot. I didn't not want to wash my hair late at night and go to bed with wet hair.

Someone above have a rough estimate of a hair wash time line. No way does my hair washes take that time. I did not want to go to bed with wet hair last night nor did I want to wash my hair and dry it and extend my bedtime. I needed to go to bed. I was not going to leave the house either with wet hair. I needed to tie my hair up but no way was I going to do that with my hair wet. So I took my time.

I love looking after my hair.

I understand you wanting to wash your hair etc op. But you went to bed at 11pm and didn’t make it into work until 11am. That’s crazy and no excuse to be late. Most people surely go to bed at 10 or 11 and are in work the next day by 9, having showered etc

But so what? I get you wanted to do your hair, but you can’t just choose to be late for work because of it.

I'm usually late because my kids choose the most inconvenient times to poo.

Is this a joke?

I love looking after my hair.

More than being on time though? I mean I get good haircare matters to some people but not more than going to work on time.

Can you imagine if everyone had that attitude.

I have similar circumstances to you and think these are unacceptable reasons for being late. I deal with this and more and still get everywhere on time.

Ah. Vexatious shitting happens in my house too.

After a 7 year friendship and waiting for someone who was also late, I decided to end the friendship. I felt messed around and disrespected. The final straw came when I went to pick her up and she asked me to come back later! Id had enough and don't miss her

*consistently always late

Yes not much fun for the person waiting on them. Drives me mad too.

Op why were you in work until 10pm for a 10:00am start the next day. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and you perhaps need to assert your own needs. if you don’t say no occasionally and try to spread you self too thin, people start to dislike you anyway for flaking on them.

Do you have any special needs or adhd op. Because you sound chaotic, and like you can't manage your time. I'm never late, ever, I'm uber organised and don't get stressed by things. People being late is rude and insulting to how valuable my time is to me.