What can I do to help my quiet 10 year old who is always overlooked?

[Spareheir]

She does a number of extracurriculars but at those & in school she is always overlooked for parts despite volunteering & auditioning..
Would drama help? We have a small drama class near us that does one hour of speech & drama followed by 1/2 dancing & 1/2 singing?
I feel so sorry for her. Her class is full of confident kids too & she's been overlooked since reception..

Why is she overlooked? Is she just quiet or is it that she also doesn’t stand out at being particularly good at what she wants to do? What is it specifically that she wants to do - sports, drama performances, school representation?

Is she quiet or is she shy/anxious?

I’m not going to tell you anything you haven’t already thought of ….

Drama would be great but it’s not something to force on her. One either feels comfortable in that kind of environment or not so I let my child take the lead on that.

It worked for us because she discovered her lovely singing voice (and got some good parts) but it’s not for every child. Worth a try and can be very rewarding.

Sometimes trying to help a quiet/introverted child actually makes it worse. I'd let her learn to find her confidence and stand on her own two feet.

If anything, maybe Scouting where she will be able to do problem solving and so on without the pressure of being singled out or being around "rising star" types. Drama etc can sometimes end up with lots of children who are the opposite of your daughter which might make her less confident.

Overlooked in what way?

Even with the best will in the world, there aren’t enough school productions in the seven years a child is at primary for every child to have a prominent role, even if every child were an acting genius. Sometimes there will just be other children better suited for roles, it doesn’t mean your dd is being overlooked.

If you think drama will be something your child enjoys and with help her feel more confident in herself then try it if she wants to go. There are plenty of things your dd can be good at without being good at drama though.

What does she want? Confident children who are front and forward tend to be born that way. When you say overlooked for parts- then I assume others are displaying more competence, or talent.

There will be children who don't get to be front and centre due to stats alone. Drama is a good shout of she has the desire. However, depending on the competitiveness, if she doesn't have the capacity sadly this may reinforce the feeling of being overlooked.

She really wants to be chosen for roles & singing solos. She always puts her hand up & auditions but never gets picked. She is kind of at the point now when she's saying what's the point..

She said she would really like to try out drama

I would say email the teacher and let them know how your child feels.

IME decisions are not just made based on auditions. Teachers are conscious of "performance" behaviour all the time.

For my DDs, that included leading the warm up at choir each week, volunteering for assembly, reading work out in class, getting up in class group work, generally speaking up, showing confidence and also not taking themselves too seriously if something goes wrong.

All of this gives a teacher confidence that a child can confidently manage in front of an audience, take direction and be enjoyable to watch.

That is disappointing have you received feedback? She may have a nice voice but maybe there are others with stronger delivery etc.

I was a fairly quiet child who felt overlooked. Something happened aged 16 and no one would ever believe it now. Drama classes might give her more confidence but I think teachers’ get pre-conceptions in their heads and always go with them. Eg I wasn’t picked for the tennis team because I wasn’t good enough for the netball team and at primary school, my partner and I were always the reserves for the country dance team.

Yes I do think teachers have their choices picked for the exact reasons mentioned above. There are lots of confident types in her class who would be louder than her & it's completely understandable why they are chosen. But dd wants a chance & she really enjoys drama & singing. I guess I just want to give her the tools so she can't compete too. She says she would really enjoy drama so I was just wondering if it would be beneficial from others experiences?

My DD2 is very similar. She was a late starter academically and very quiet and well behaved at school. Tried all sorts of extra curriculars and not seemed to be noticed in anything. She 13 now and excelling academically. Starting to be more confident to speak in class. For her it’s just taken some time. Her happy place is Guides. She has made her best friends there and is about to start helping with Brownies for her DofE. She been chosen to volunteer at big public events which has really boosted her confidence.

With you DD maybe try drama in a group that had proper auditions so that it’s less of a popularity contest. It may take a while after she joins to get to that point but she will be gaining confidence from group activities and speaking in front of people.

If she wants to do it then let her do it. Drama is great for transferable skills like public speaking when she's older, learning about body language and how she presents herself, all important skills in the world of work.

I think it's likely that the other children (who are probably already at similar classes) are known to be reliable ie they aren't going to freeze up on stage on the night as well as having trained voices etc. if your DD is quieter and doesn't put herself forward its tricky for the teacher to take that risk possibly putting pressure on your daughter as far as they know.

@Singleandproud yes that's it in a nutshell. It's not the teachers fault as they need their most capable voices front & center. However I'd like to get her confidence up for secondary school so I think we'll go ahead with the drama. They do lamda exams too for speech & drama which will be helpful.