I was speaking with a friend about going NC with toxic relatives and even friends. People make out it’s the easiest thing to do when actually these people, often narcissists, find a way to keep a hold on you and keep you in control and scared. It doesn’t end once you go NC.
Although freeing not seeing these people, there are things both I and my friend cannot do. For example, my friend was offered a spot on the tv programme ‘gogglebox’ years ago but had to refuse so her abusive parents didn’t know where she lived/that she had a husband and just generally to not see her on tv. The programme took off and she may be in a better position for it now. Once again her toxic parents ruined something for her.
For me, I don’t use social media in fear my relatives will find me or see names/photos of my children. I moved out of area so I couldn’t be traced, but a neighbour knows one of these relatives (I’ve never confessed who I am or that I know them too). So there is always a possibility they could find me. I can’t meet friends in my my hometown out of fear of bumping into them.
I’ve had counselling and I’m in a good place, so is my friend, but it makes you think how does going NC affect you for the rest of your life. The stress and trauma never goes even when you feel you have moved on.
Has anyone else found they can’t live how they want to or did you get to a point of not caring?