How do you make your daily life enjoyable and worth living

[Namexhanged]

How do you make daily life enjoyable and worth living?

I've been feeling hopeless ever since I got my pregnant with my now 2 year old.

Don't find joy in anything anymore, not even in parenting as much as I hate admitting it.

I don't have any particular hobby or passion or talent
I also find it very hard to make friends and people in general tend to dislike me, but I don't mind doing things that can be done solo or with my son

Thank you

Lol I literally just posted similar saying I’m stuck in a rut right now

Hahah just saw your post! Must be something in the air lol

I also have a 2 year old! Hopefully it’s just a phase we’re going through.

What are you struggling with in particular?

I used to put ds in his seat on the back of my bike and cycle around the local common with him shrieking & laughing with excitement on the back.

The fresh air and exertion used to cheer me up, and for those five minutes, at least, I could turn my back on him and know he wasn't destroying the house.

What do you mean, people dislike you?

You sound depressed. Have you considered going to your GP?

That sounds wonderful!
I might invest in a bike now

This sounds so much fun and my 15 mknth old would be beside himself with excitement if we dif we did this together. Thanks 😊

People tend to see me as weird/boring/irritating/fake or sometimes untrustworthy.
Family and strangers alike.
I remember a social worker once asking me if I had any friends, I said no, she then asked me how long I had lived in the UK for, I said 6 years and she scoffed. I felt really embarrassed!

Even when my husband and I go out, people will always ignore me/be rude to me/irritated by me but talk to him, joke with him and act kindly to him.

I think I'm just awkward and it shows in the way I carry myself, I'm a people pleaser and sometimes I'll go out my way to make someone like me and people might perceive that as me having bad intentions or being a try hard/fake. I'm also very clumsy and a bit slow tbh and people just get irritated.

I did consider a GP, but things didn't go very well for me then, plus I felt judged so just gave up

Thank you for your concern, I appreciate it x

During that time in my life 2 things saved me .

1. Mother and baby clubs! I still speak to a few women I met through them. I recently joined a yoga club as pregnant with second and I will be looking for postnatal clubs once I’m ready to go out again
2. Writing club at my local library. I would leave DD with my mum for the 3 hours every week and join this club. Again I didn’t become besties with anyone but I still speak to some of them. Bump into them on the streets as we are local.

These days most clubs have a WhatsApp group (we didn’t over 10 years ago). But all of the clubs I join now do. And so you can always browse and grab a coffee with someone.

I hope there are some social activities that you can join near you.

If you are socially awkward (I can be too) then don’t force yourself to make connections but being out with others is just the first step. And take it a week at a time.

You sound depressed. Do think about going to your GP. There is no shame in getting something to give your serotonin a boost.

Naturally you could take Vit D, exercise and get outside. All proven mood boosters.

I have a toddler and life can be relentless sometimes but I do take joy in doing things with him and getting out and about.

I agree you sound low and down on yourself. I’m sure you’re not as weird and unlikable as you think you are and that’s what makes me think there might be something underlying the way you’re feeling? I’m sorry your GP wasn’t helpful previously. Is there another one you can see?

I was back at work by the time my children were 2. On Fridays I used to take them to a local toddler group which was fun. You might chat with other mums (especially if you go regularly you’ll see the same people), or you might not but you get a cup of tea and a biscuit.

I'm very introverted and when my DS was young my dog saved me. I threw DS in the pushchair and we walked for miles and then when he outgrew the pushchair we still walked but had picnics (in the cold but DS loved it). Various dogs have saved me from myself over the years, I recommend them if you are lonely and struggle a bit.

I’m sorry OP. It can be so hard to start again with friends in a new country. You will probably find it easier as your son gets older and gets friends of his own.
Be prepared to look out for opportunities. Be the one who asks if any of the nursery mums want to meet for coffee or at the park. It’s not easy if you’re a quiet person but there will be many others like you.
And yes, go outside. There was a hint of sun yesterday! Summer is coming.
There is no shame in feeling a bit flat when you are coming out of winter with a 2 year old x

Shower gel that smells awesome and makes me feel great. It sparks joy and sometime I don't get to shower alone (toddler) but it feel like a luxury.

Having a hot cup of tea, as simple as it sounds.

At the moment I'm enjoying raspberry and lemon flavour.

I have a 3 1/2 year old, a 2 year old and a 6 week old and I'm also not from this country, so I can relate to the isolation.

We'll get through this xx

I am reading and hoping to find the answer.
I don’t have small children anymore, but when I did I would take them to the park whatever the weather and seeing the world through their eyes and their joy at the same old park helped sometimes, hearing them laugh as they ran down a hill or be amazed at the first flowers of spring. Sometimes it didn’t, but at least we had got out of the house. I am an introvert so the weekly stay n play group didn’t fill me with joy because I often didn’t really talk to anyone else there and it made me anxious, but my children enjoyed it and it was warm and dry and someone else made tea and toast. I didn’t find it the solution to being sad and lonely that many people do, but it was better than staying at home.
I hope you do find some joy and peace.

Do you work, OP? I loathed maternity leave, and if I'd been at home with a small child for longer I would have felt like death. Parenthood only started being actually enjoyable, and manageable, once I'd returned to work.

Other than that, I take baths with exquisite-smelling bath oil, I garden (very basically, but even grubbing around in the soil feels very grounding, and being outdoors always improves my mood, I try to get to the sea as much as possible.

A few things:
> I started to really notice, enjoy and savour the little things in life that I'd do anyway - a brew and a biscuit, a naughty can of pop in the afternoon, a wander to the shop to buy milk etc. I guess you might call it mindfulness in some ways - really stopping to enjoy these moments.

> I also started to enhance those everyday moments and activities as well - some fancy soap to make the morning shower lovely, get some special teabags, try some different biscuits each week etc. Then I found I really started to look forward to these everyday, mundane tasks.

> I started to buy little things for myself and for my home which would just make things nicer - well-placed reed diffuser to make my home smell lovely, flowers to cheer things up, some daring nail polish, a new notebook.

> I started to invest in bigger, practical things that would make my life easier for me - a really decent backpack rather than a stupid handbag, some genuinely warm and hardy gloves rather than cheap crap from H&M, really comfortable running trainers for everyday life (i.e. not for actual running!).

> I made sure I got out and about every single day, even if it was just a walk around the block. I have a dog so its easier but you could do Borrow My Doggy to give you an excuse to get out a few times a week.

> I started to take multi vitamins and cod liver oil. It might be placebo but I do feel much better.

> I carve out time for myself and ring-fence it as absolutely sacrosanct. I don't have children so I admit its easier for me. I don't invest this time in anything remotely beneficial to anyone else and I don't let anyone else be involved in this time or the activities. I use this time for exercise classes and for hobbies that I enjoy.

> Its quite big (sorry) but I actually stopped drinking on 1st January this year and I've never felt better - much more energy, more positive, less fatigued, more focused, less bloated, fewer cravings for junk food.

Food
Hobbies - baking, creativity
Holidays or a day trip/outing
Embracing the seasons
Doing hygge cosy stuff in winter
Reading
Cooking new recipes
Getting out for walks / swimming
Planning in little treats/events to look forward to
Finding an interesting podcast and walking with it on
Treating myself to a new pair of earrings or a bar of chocolate
A skincare evening with Netflix or YouTube
Going out for a picnic if weather allows, or having one inside if it doesn't
A drinks/games evening with friends
Playing with pets/animals
Understanding what makes me happy and what I enjoy, being intentional about weaving it into my life
Playing console games which get me out of my head, or more recently, solitaire on my iPad!
I have a magazine subscription online so reading all different genres of magazines
Find a little project to do and work on a little each day - or something new to learn ie. A language with Duolingo, a hobby or craft with YouTube

I go through bouts of depression and struggle sometimes cos of adhd/autism so not sure if any of this is helpful - I can try and think of more especially if you share what you enjoy