Can anyone offer advise please-knowing a loved one will die soon

[Neroli1970]

My lovely mum has stage 4 breast cancer. It's aggressive. We don't know her exact life expectancy bit given the speed it's spread over the last few months, I don't think it will be long.

If you've been through this can you offer any advice please? Anything that helped or you look back on and wished you'd done differently. I just feel completely lost with it all.

Many thanks.

District nurses were an amazing support for us too.

be there in time, person & attention. You don’t know how tough the bad days are until you’re in the thick of it. Energy permitting- have day trips out or visit a garden centre - for example choose a rose bush or two for the garden to enjoy in years to come with special fondness.

video messages or just recorded chats doing regular things, ask about her life and who and what is special to her.

say everything you would love her to know now, don’t wait to say how much or how special she is to you after the end.

make a list of everyone she wants to see before visits become exhausting and also a special list of those to see again and say very last farewells.

pain relief with palliative care.. make contact just so you know when you need it your ready.

every day is a blessing now.. big hugs..

you will be tired and rundown too, so find time to share the time with trusted family.

you mum will know you are exhausted so will most likely bare the pain just to watch you sleep and rest. I it happens .. so managed pain relief is key and your own rest too. It’s emotionally exhausting now, but it’s even harder afterwards in grief.
get all affairs in order now.

My dad died 6 weeks after diagnosis.

Spend time together, talk to each other while she has the energy. Sort out the practical stuff as well as the memories, the wishes and wisdom sooner rather than later. Laugh, cry, hug and enjoy each other.

I reduced my time at work to enable it. It was the best and worst time but I'm so pleased I did it.