Being kind has got me know where who agrees

[Wednesday0]

I’m a friendly kind person with a heart of gold always asking how people are , helping etc .

I’ve realised that in and out of work being kind has got me walked all over, it’s just not worth it anymore, I’m not dying I will be mean but I will change.

I’ve decided from now on to keep my head down not get involved with anyone unless it directly involves my family .

There's being kind and there's being a doormat and people often confuse the two.
You can be a kind but assertive person and that's what to aim for.

Speaking as a former doormat.

I have to agree with you there. People will always take advantage given the chance. I don't notice until I've thought about it later then am really annoyed!

I think the key thing here is to realise that some people will repay kindness whereas others will happily take and take without feeling the slightest moral obligation to give back. So if you're considering going out of your way for someone, it's worth thinking about whether that person might be a "taker". If so, consider whether you are genuinely happy to do the favour with no expectation that it will be returned.

You can be kind without being a pushover.
I am generous but I have my boundaries.

somebody else said what I was going to say you can be kind and assertive, I think sometimes kindness and people pleasing can be blurred, but if you are struggling with people taking advantage definitely concentrate on you and yours.

I don't know about being kind, but being helpful has got me no help from anybody else. Whenever friends have struggled, I've always stepped up and tried to help them, whether it be practical or emotional support, or both. It's just in my nature.

However, I realised that if I'm struggling with something, nobody seems to care. I get no offers of practical help (which is what I'd appreciate most, being on my own) whatsoever, and very limited emotional support.

I've stopped helping.

One of the best things to learn to say is "No".

All strength to you

I've got to say, your OP makes me feel a bit uneasy. Does anyone really describe themselves as 'a kind person with a heart of gold'? The only person I can imagine doing that, is a woman I know who confuses kindness with, honestly, busybodying. She's always around the edges of miserable situations pushing herself forward. You sound as if you think being kind is some kind of tat-for-tat situation, where by rights you should have 'earned' something back?

FWIW I think being decent to other people, and thoughtful, does help you get on in life. It's a real skill to be a good colleague, and in work situations people will often help you out if they know you will do the same for them. That sort of professional 'kindness' is valuable. But, as PPs say, it's not the same thing as being a doormat, which is more liable to make people assume you're happy to be pushed around.

Sarah and quack thanks for the message wow you don’t know me and going through a real bad time at the moment I’m no busy body.

Ok then. Crack on. But bear in mind that if you post on a public forum, you are liable to get replies from people who don't know you, and who will simply respond to what you are saying.

Boundaries are your friend, they will feel tough to do but they take practice, coming from a people pleaser in recovery x

Most people are kind. It's natural for humans, usually reciprocated and, as long as you have healthy boundaries, it should not be a problem.

Some people do overstep the mark, get into other people's business unnecessarily and over commit their time and/or resouces.

Try to readdress the balance and you will be fine OP.

Yes I have to say I'd not be quick to get close to someone who describes themselves as 'Hving a heart of gold' OP. I mean that as nicely as I can. It makes you sound a bit martyr-ish and those people can be hard work to be around, at the best of times IME and have little self-awareness.

I am sorry for what it is you're going thru.
I'm kind to people and appreciate my friends and family, im fairly popular in my circles (for the right reasons) and I'm generally very nice and generous with time and help. But I Can also be lazy and want time to myself and can be an arsehole at times or get things wrong or piss people off. I'm human.

Being nice is right and good. But it doesn't involve not having boundaries and not being nice to oneself.

I'm kind but with strong boundaries, good at saying no. I never give too much. Or to the wrong people.

@SarahAndQuack
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FWIW I think being decent to other people, and thoughtful, does help you get on in life. It's a real skill to be a good colleague, and in work situations people will often help you out if they know you will do the same for them. That sort of professional 'kindness' is valuable. But, as PPs say, it's not the same thing as being a doormat, which is more liable to make people assume you're happy to be pushed around.*

THIS

The best part of my job is helping people- staff and members of the public alike.
I do it because I enjoy it.
Not ti be called 'kind' - though that does get said.

But I have found if I need help I know who ask .......and they come through......but if they couldn't, i would just sort it somehow.

Please don't stop being kind op.
Kindness is a gift.
but give without expectation, and make sure you fill yourself up first / meet your own needs ........ you can't pour from an empty cup.

I've got to say, your OP makes me feel a bit uneasy. Does anyone really describe themselves as 'a kind person with a heart of gold'? The only person I can imagine doing that, is a woman I know who confuses kindness with, honestly, busybodying. She's always around the edges of miserable situations pushing herself forward. You sound as if you think being kind is some kind of tat-for-tat situation, where by rights you should have 'earned' something back? @SarahAndQuack

Oh god this made me chuckle as I know someone who describes herself in these exact terms (even proclaims it in her Facebook profile fgs!) In reality, she's the most bossy, interfering, sour faced bully you'd wish to meet. Frighteningly, she believes her own hype and thinks her being at the centre of any drama, is actually helpful. Then cries crocodile tears when she's called out for her ways whilst wailing how she's " only trying to help". No jane, I see right through you - stop with your condescending ' advice ' and little jibes you're not fooling anyone.

But sorry OP, this isn't aimed at you - genuinely nice people often do get the shitty end of the stick