Oh my god, do I need to get something for my man for valentines?

[blackpup]

I can't believe February crept up so fast. I am still in Xmas mode. I had weeks from hell as well over the past month. It's everything. It's not normal regular stress. Normal regular stress would be every day stuff like work and paying bills and looking after kids. Mine is an aging parent placing me in an impossible situation and forcing me down the route of helping her while she explodes anger in my face and then also I am dealing with a nutjob ex friend and sickness too.

It's all too much.

Now in a few days it's valentine's Day and my man is the only thing keeping me going but valentines wasn't in my mind. I have no idea what to get him. I acnt afford a weekend away because a lot of hotels and establishments are too expensive. I am too stressed to organise and book a weekend to Europe. There is just too much shit floating and swimming around my head and all I want to do is go to bed.

It never ceases to amaze me on here how few people seem to just talk to their partners.

If you dislike flowers then just mention it at some point, if you don't mind them but hate the set up then say that. Discuss whether you're going to be a couple who 'does' Valentines day. These things don't sound romantic but it saves someone putting lots of time and effort into something they think the other will like and then the other feeling annoyed/even resentful over it; communication solves so much! And for those who think well they should know i don't like x, how would they if you don't say and then invariably get inwardly annoyed but don't say why after the fact.

Who actually says “my man”

Dolly Parton.

I hope everyone has the same "you don't need to get him anything" thoughts when people post on Wednesday upset that their DH didn't get them anything.

This is good.

You clearly do not need any more jobs! And you certainly do not need Valentines do be a burden rather than an expression of love.

You don't need flowers. You need a meal delivered to your house and your man to get it to your lap and then cleared away.

Can you have a conversation about this? People can have wildly varying expectations and assumptions about all sorts of things in relationships and there’s no point stressing over something that could be cleared up with a simple conversation.

Why not just have an open conversation. Tell him you don’t want flowers that need to be arranged. Come to a mutual agreement about gifts for valentines.

dh and I vary year to year. This year we are skipping it. Some years we exchange gifts. We just talk in advance and make a plan.

If you are just wanting to show your appreciation, can you buy tickets for something you'd both enjoy later on when you're less busy? You don't have to, but it might cheer you up too. Hamilton tickets went on sale today if you like that sort of thing (I do).

Valentine's Day is meant to be for single people to make an anonymous move on the object of their affections. That's it.
It couples do it they're crazy to do it commercially.
You could-
Put a love note in his laptop bag/ sandwiches/ pocket
Write out done vouchers that he can cash in- romantic/ cuddly or sexy or all three depending what kind of couple you are
Make him his favourite meal
Make him breakfast in bed

You get the picture!

I know the feeling mate, it's brutal

You don't have to jump over your head for valentines when there is enough on your plate already! Just write him a note or a letter if you feel like it, or get chocolates or make a valentine's day video (literally just throw some photos into the template) and this would be amazing! He knows you're stressed, I'm sure he doesn't expect you to be focused on his gift. Do what you feel like doing or nothing extra at all and just get a delivery from the place you both like and have one cozy evening.

DH is getting a card and a tin of fancy biscuits.

I think you've got to a bad place and you're catastrophising.

You're so stressed that everything seems to feel like an added task or weight on your shoulders. You say you hate having to deal with flowers like it's an enormous task because it feels that way but it really isn't. Plonk them in a vase and add water - done.

Work sounds the biggest issue here from your second post. Take a step back. Do you have a fantastic job that pays you enough to have the stress or is it a fully replaceable job for a similar amount that would be worth a potential pay cut because you're not living on the edge of a breakdown each day? You can speak to your manager and say this workload is untenable or look for another job.

Back to the original issue, do you usually go all out for Valentine's Day? Either way you can say look DP, it's a stressful one this year. How about we do nothing or I'm sure you'll find 5 mins to go to Tesco buy a card and/or chocolate treat to show you've thought of him. I seem to visit a shop every day because there is always something!