TW - potential child abuse, though I’m not sure that was what it was.
I don’t know where to begin with this or what it is that I need, but I thought I could pour all of this out then at least it wouldn’t be in the puddle of my brain.
When my first child turned 2, I finally realised that this memory I had was of something not right. When I told my younger sister, she told me it was nothing. It was ‘dad being a bit weird’, but that was it. We’ve not spoken about it since.
For context: my parents divorced when I was 8, she was 4. Mum has long since died and I’m in my late thirties now. I see dad once every two years for an afternoon, and the occasional text on birthdays etc. My sister, now a mum of a two year old herself, has a closer relationship seeing him a few times a year. Dad lives with his male partner (I have zero issue or interest in his sexuality) but his partner is, in a way I can’t articulate, dodgy. Sister has revealed there have been police complaints over ‘peeping Tom’ accusations. They move areas every 2 years. Sometimes the West Country, then they’ll relocate to Norfolk, then to midlands etc. I don’t actually know where they live now, just a rough area of the UK. I find this behaviour questionable and I’d love to know why they keep relocating (dad owns house, not rent) but this isn’t the reason for my post.
TW. When I was a little girl, I was in the bath with dad. I can’t remember why, but I think I must have pointed to his penis, to which he pulled back his foreskin and invited me to touch underneath. Mum was heard coming up the stairs and he quickly stopped.
This is what I shared with my sister. And she said it was nothing.
Then this weekend happened. We met up. My husband plus kids, her husband plus kid, dad and dodgy boyfriend. Sister wanted a photo of ‘dad and his girls’. I didn’t want to, i just clammed up. I tried to pass it off as ‘I looked shit, tired, fat, let me take the photo for you’ etc. She snapped and told me to stop being so miserable. I stood in the photo and posed as she expected me to.
Aside from the day being heavy with this memory and the fact dad and I have an estranged relationship, it’s actually my sister I am the most upset with. She’s my only family I have left, I don’t want to fall out with her, but I can’t get passed this. A moment that should have meant nothing but was a red line I was pushed over.
Is she right to disregard this memory? I’ve not told anyone else about it apart from my husband. Should I be blaming her for this otherwise benign moment during a family gathering?
I’m being eaten alive by this.