First time starting a thread and it's long, so bear with me. I'm trying to give as much relevant info.
I have 2 children aged 11yrs & 1.5yrs. Live close to their paternal grandparents and my mum.
Paternal grandparents are both retired and have really helped us with childcare with both children 1 day a week, and more often during holidays, when we've been unwell, etc. This has always been offered and never expected. On the odd occasion they have been a little overbearing but we have been extremely grateful for their help.
My mum lives a 5 minute walk away and works full-time. To clarify- I absolutely do not expect her to provide any childcare due to this. We speak on the phone regularly, no issues within our relationship or the children.
However, I realised the other day that although I speak to my mum almost daily, and might pop for a tea (30mins max) with her on one of my days off during the week when kids are at nursery/school. She hasn't seen my DC since Christmas.
I often ask if she wants to meet up for a coffee in town or come over to ours for a cup of tea at the weekends, but she's always busy either cleaning her house, or doing the food shop. She has a long term partner who is capable of doing these things, so just 2 adults living together. They don't really do much together such as days out or meals out etc. Just the same routine every weekend of housework on Saturdays and food shop on Sundays. I'm an only child so it's not like she's busy with other family members.
I stopped inviting her for joining us for a half day/full day out with us and the boys as she prioritises the housework and food shop. But then she would say things like I wish I came. And on the rare occasion she has joined us she has enjoyed herself. I would only invite her when we are doing something like taking them out for a walk somewhere nice like a lake/river woth a park & cafe nearby so the boys can play and we can have coffee and chat. Me and my partner would take turns playing with the boys, and not expect my mum to chase after them.
At one point last year my eldest was going to her house afterschool once a week. My mum would being WFH for the 1st hour he was there so obviously he would watch TV. But then she would spend another 2-3 hours making him dinner (such as chips & fish fingers), washing up and doing laundry etc. And just leaving him to watch TV the entire time. Rather than doing anything else to bond with him. In the end after a couple of months we stopped as honestly he may as well be at home by himself for a couple of hours watching TV. On the rare occasion she's had my youngest she will mainly just put the TV on, rather than take him to the park (right outside her house).
She loves them and she is very good with children, so I don't think that's the issue. We never get invited round for dinner (can't really invite her/partner round due to no space or big enough table). In the past we've thought about moving to a different town and my mum would say things like 'but you can't leave me- how would I see you?' (She doesn't own her own car) but in actual fact, we rarely see her now.
My issue is that I've now realised how very one-sided our relationship is and I just want to know whether or not its odd for my children to not see their nan for months at a time when she lives so close? Or for her to prioritise cleaning/food shopping at the weekend over seeing us for an hour or two, since I work most weekends I might ask to catch up once a month at the weekend. Yet, in an emergency, for instance if we were stuck in traffic and couldn't get to nursery on time, she would be happy to do the nursery run.
I'm tempted to stop calling her or seeing of she wants to come for a tea/go for coffee to see if she initiates anything.