I'm married, but I'm falling for somebody else

[berryconfused]

As the title says, I am happily married, having been with my DH for over 13 years, but I really think I have fallen for somebody else.

I have never had any reason to look at anyone other than my lovely partner for the last 13 years that we've been together. He is by no means perfect. We do argue and bicker and we don't always see eye to eye, but for the most part, we are strong and good together.

We have had a few things in our own lives recently that have been very very stressful and as a result, we decided to take a holiday a couple of weeks back to try to de-stress. Long story short whilst I was there a member of the team that work in the hotel really caught my eye... this feeling was completely new to me since I've never even looked at any other man before now, and I don't know if it's because he caught me at a time that I was really stressed and already low. It was like an instant attraction.

We got talking over the two weeks that we were there. It only ever remained friendly. Nothing happened between us, but we did exchange social media contact, and I really did feel that instant spark and attraction to him. I am almost certain he felt the same.

I am in touch with him still on social media, although I feel bad as it almost feels like cheating on my husband... even though it is all completely PG and often we end up just talking about the weather 🤣

I can feel myself really falling for him and I don't know what to do. I am often fantasising the thought of leaving and running away back to that country to start a new life together. He is absolutely everything that I would ever want in a person. He treats me well, he's kind and considerate he pays me compliments... I'm not saying that my husband doesn't do this, but it is very few and far between. I know this is so unrealistic, and I'm clearly wrapped up in fantasy land.

DH and I are otherwise very happy in our relationship, but there has been a visible strain in the recent months with one thing or another.

I feel completely lost, and as though I've got nobody I can talk to about this situation for fear of being told that I'm crazy for being sucked into a holiday romance. I really honestly don't feel as though this is a whirlwind romance. They really is some substance to it. He feels very strongly for me and I believe that I am beginning to feel the same...

Every time I look at my DH, I feel nothing but guilt for the fact that I feel the way I do about somebody else.

I suppose I'm not really sure what I'm asking here, but I really needed somewhere to jot it down. I suppose I'm wondering if anybody wants to come and tell me how crazy or stupid I am!

I did try to confide in my mother and my sister, but neither of them can really understand where I'm coming from and think I am absolutely crazy to consider throwing what I have away.

I guess I'm almost certain that nothing will come of this, but why am I still feeling this way after so long without seeing him?!

You don't even know him well or at all or even much in person. It's very easy to say all the right things over messages.

Probably "can't" block him because you think you'll be losing something. But think of what you'll be keeping and the future you've still yet to "gain" with your DH.

Where were you on holiday OP, how old is he? How often did you leave your husband alone on holiday to go off chatting up this man? At the bar, or a waiter at the table? 100 % this man is lying to you, you are caught up in the thrills of it all so can't block him because its boosting your self esteem and confidence, its exciting and secret and enjoyable. It will get worse and worse, an infatuation, you'll continue to compare this imaginary person to your husband and start to find faults, become more unhappy and start arguments over nothing. All based on a man abroad who is manipulating you, tricking you. He is a creep, PPs are right, he is not a safe person for you to communicate with, look at what he has achieved so far. He is purposefully setting out to alienate you from your husband, hurting you both and he doesn't care. You should care, it could destroy your marriage.
He will have seen you coming a mile off. Dont be so sure your husband won't suspect a thing, these things are never as subtle as you think. Block him, he is dangerous, to both of you. Dont do this to your husband, or yourself, its like self harm!

Has he tried to tap you for money.@berryconfused ?

You're not happy, otherwise you wouldn't be in this situation.

It doesn't mean you can't mend what is happening in your relationship, but, in my eyes you have begun an emotional affair.

Make a choice OP.

I want to say 'grow up' which sounds harsh but argh, grow up!

Fucksake. Knock it on the head, block the guy and focus on your husband.

OP, in the nicest possible way, recognise this for what it is, a crush, based on two weeks’ acquaintance with someone who worked in a hotel you stayed at, ie a total stranger who was being paid to be nice to you.

There was a strikingly similar thread on here not long ago, but the poster had developed a giant crush on a hotel/resort staff member who helped her out by playing with her children on holiday while her husband drank himself into a stupor. In that case, hints also went from ‘kind, friendly, nothing inappropriate’ on the holiday to ‘I’ve fallen for you, I need you’ after she’d gone home.

OP, how did it happen that you exchanged contacts with a holiday hotel staff member and get to the point of declaring feelings once at home?

Id suggest you’re better off imagining him laughing with his mates about the foreigner with the giant crush on him.

Thanks everyone.
He has not asked me for anything, money etc has never crossed the conversation.

I can feel myself really falling for him and I don't know what to do.

Just stop it, obviously. Falling for him my arse, are you thirteen?

I met my husband extremely young, I just sometimes feel I'm not the same person as I was back then. There's definitely things to iron out in our marriage, but for the most part we are really happy. I think that's why I'm struggling with the new emotions of this situation.

....yet....

It's a crush and one that has hit hard at a stressful time. You aren't a terrible person for having a crush, but feeding it with ongoing contact is shitty and is not helping you AT ALL.

Block him, focus on your marriage and I'm pretty sure in a month or so you will be thinking WTF was I doing or thinking.

So you grow together, not look for another man.

Honestly, you still sound quite young if you think this man has more to offer than your husband. You say eg he pays you compliments. So what? I expect your husband did when you first met. Now you bicker and argue occasionally. That is because you are married and living day to day life with each other! The holiday man would be the same if you lived with him.

The only sensible advice is that you stop contacting this man, block him so he can't contact you, and focus on growing with the man you chose and committed to.

So the reality is your marriage is going through a bit of a bad patch. You see someone on holiday - there's a huge mutual attraction - it happens. You don't say whether he was a foreign person who may or may not be interested in coming to the UK or if he was English working as a holiday Rep.
It's all fantasy until it isn't. Is it worth risking your marriage to continue with the fairy tale?
You don't know him. Words, especially online are easy and you read into them what you will.

Sounds very familiar and I’m sure it’s not that uncommon, however the consequences of what you are doing have the potential to be catastrophic. If you value your marriage block all contact with this man and work on your relationship with your husband, it will be hard work needed, but much more worthwhile than pursuing the nonsense you are involving yourself in. I think it would be fair to say you are already betraying your marriage and are building an emotional affair that followed to its conclusion will turn physical and then your marriage is over. At a guess I would say this guy is on an ego trip and there is no bigger boost to this type of character’s ego than to destroy someone’s relationship.

He is absolutely everything that I would ever want in a person. He treats me well, he's kind and considerate he pays me compliments...
Really. Just really?

Imagine that you leave your DH and he ends up happily with another woman. Man you met turns out to be an utter arse. How would you feel? Still ok with single and having left your DH? If the answer is yes then just leave DH regardless.

I’ll take a leap of faith here and believe for the minute this is a genuine post.
Firstly, you are paid compliments because that is one of the ways you seduce someone (especially a woman who has become bored or feels neglected in their relationship). Secondly, as I’ve already mentioned, there are men who get off on taking another man’s wife, it’s a massive ego boost for them. Thirdly, you obviously suffer low self esteem and are in desperate need of validation, this is easily detected by mate poachers. So, my suggestion is rein in your ego and vanity, forget the guy blowing smoke up your arse and concentrate on making your relationship stronger with the person who really loves you ( though he might not be showing it in such a theatrical way).

What nationality is the other man - sounds like a romance scam in the making

It's a zombie guys..