I need some dating advice, I’m confused about a guy

[Lilllypad11]

I’ve been on 3 dates with a guy. Sorta like him. He’s in the medical profession. Can work from 7-7. He’s an awful texter. I enjoyed the 3 dates. But I’m not used to such a bad texter.

It’s been a while since I split up with my ex. And he used to be a regular texter. Not all the time. Just steady through the day. This guy I’ve gone on dates with can go long periods so I texted him at 7 last night. Heard back at 9 tonight. admittedly I’m not great either but that’s because work keeps me busy.

The only reason I mention it is because I suffer with anxiety and self confidence issues plus I’m weening off my antidepressants that I took after my break up. He said he’s trrrible at texting from the get go. The alternative was to call but with my job. I can’t call. And at night. I haven’t got much to give convo wise bc I’m too tired.

Do I mention it. Do I just leave it and not say a word?

Be gentle on me I know I could sound pedantic but it’s just the anxiety. And yes I have therapy.

Help?

He’s just not a consistent texter. When I did shift I was too because I felt that at work I always had to be available so didn’t like answering my phone as I felt like I needed to ‘turn off’.

You could have a conversation with him and explain your emotional needs and that these are satisfied through consistent contact. However if he’s always been that way I really wouldn’t expect much.

You’ve got to look after yourself first OP too. Based on your post are you sure pursuing a relationship is the best thing for you right now?

I'm like your guy there...don't feel compelled to text anyone daily and can take a couple of hours or longer to respond to a text depending what I'm doing or how I'm feeling.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

It sounds like you already know he is not going to be able to text you as regularly as you would like.

I think it's for you to decide now whether you can adapt to that or whether texting is so important to you that you actually want a different relationship with someone else.

I've been with my husband for a long time but if ever I was to find myself dating again I know I'd be completely out of touch with how people use texts these days. There seems to be an awful lot of texting expected to take place.

I could not handle receiving nor an expectation to keep sending texts. You chat when you meet!

Yeah I see I get that. I just feel like it’s early stages so I can’t push too much. However, one text after 24 hours in my world is a lot. He actually off his own admission said on many occasions, “I’m really rubbish at texting so I just want to make it clear right now that I can’t always be good at this” I didn’t realise it would be one text per 24 hours!!

The thing is that your communication style doesn't match. It doesn't mean either of you is right or wrong just that you don't match.

How did people date before texts?
3 dates is the audition stage for both of you...what's the need for a daily text schedule?
I'm not blaming you...this appears to be the way of it now. What if you've had a long day and have nothing to say? Is the text just to say hi? Is it a means of registering one's interest? Is interest measured by the frequency of pointless texts?

Yeah I don't flow with that.

My DP was like this. He still is with other people but we had the conversation early on and I explained that it's just how I am. I like communication and connection. He stepped up.
Ditto he tells me stuff he needs and I step up.

Have a read of the book 'Attached' (Levine and Heller). It's incredibly perceptive and helpful.