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Original poster

AIBU to ask you your quick opinion on this scenario

28 replies

Limeblonde · 09/02/2024 15:21

I'd really like to hear other women's perspectives on what they would think was likely going on in this scenario.

A man has a 1am missed call from a women he worked with briefly in the past. When he texts her in the morning to find out what's up, she says she'd been thinking about wanting to catch up with him, but that last night her friend had picked up her phone and dialled his number. She's a little embarrassed and it's clear her and the friend had been drinking the night before.

What would you imagine the scenario to be leading up to her friend hitting call?

Option 1. The woman 'like likes' the man to some extent and wanted to reach out to him. She was discussing him drunkenly with her friend, and the friend was egging her on to go for it and get in touch, eventually forcing it by ringing him and handing her the phone, laughing.

Option 2. The woman has no feelings towards the man other than wanting a catch up, which she mentioned, and her friend just decided to hit call.

Option 3. Other scenario, outlined in post

OP posts:
hopeishere · 09/02/2024 15:22

Option 1

OnlyYellowRoses · 09/02/2024 15:23

Option 1.

CatherinedeBourgh · 09/02/2024 15:23

I would think either butt call or name similar to someone else's so dialled in error.

Beezknees · 09/02/2024 15:26

Option 1.

Out of interest, who are you in this scenario?

Original poster
Limeblonde · 09/02/2024 17:11

@Beezknees I am the wife of the man.

@CatherinedeBourgh She confirmed the call was meant to for him, but that her friend dialled his number.

OP posts:
Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 09/02/2024 17:12

If they only worked together 'briefly in the past' - why does she still have his number stored in her phone?

hopeishere · 09/02/2024 17:14

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 09/02/2024 17:12

If they only worked together 'briefly in the past' - why does she still have his number stored in her phone?

That's not suspicious. I have loads of old numbers from people I used work with / hang out with in my phone I can never be bothered to delete them.

WavyLines11 · 09/02/2024 17:16

Option 1

Aquamarine1029 · 09/02/2024 17:19

I think this woman called herself and in the sober light of day is blaming her friend to hide her embarrassment.

Original poster
Limeblonde · 09/02/2024 19:04

It happened a few months ago and last weekend happened again but this time she did not blame a friend, followed by them texting the next day for a bit and talking on the phone for over an hour the day after that. About difficult things she's been facing. DH thinks this is reasonable and he's just been supportive. I feel uncomfortable and wonder why she thinks it's OK to call him in the night. The work was just close together on a project for a few days over 2 years ago.

At this point I can't tell if I'm mad/jealous/controlling or if being uncomfortable and perhaps asking him no longer encourage these calls by responding and talking on the phone is a reasonable boundary.

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 09/02/2024 19:08

Well first of all he blocks her number. She fancied him. You will never know whether he liked her so don’t torture yourself. But how he reacts to your request that he blocks her will speak volumes

Bladwdoda · 09/02/2024 19:13

Wow. I’d worry less about her intentions and more about your DH. She has called him twice inappropriately in the middle of the night and then he’s responded by having a long conversation with her? Apparently only an ex colleague?

There may not be anything actually “happening”, but that behaviour is inappropriate and even if they think it is innocent underneath it will some weird dynamic/feelings that’s cross a boundary.

Have you told DH it isn’t ok.

Bladwdoda · 09/02/2024 19:14

Of sorry. Yes it sounds like she fancies him. Option 1. Why else would someone only call drunk, twice!!!

DoILookThrilled · 09/02/2024 19:14

Feels like 1 to me

runningonberocca · 09/02/2024 19:15

I’m sure she has other people more suitable to contact for support than a bloke she worked on a project with for a few days 2 yrs ago! It’s completely inappropriate. My closest friend is male - originally met through work and have known each other over 10 years- and I wouldn’t ring him in the middle of the night.(his partner would probably be fine with it but it’s overstepping to my mind)

This isn’t ok

Goblinmodeactivated · 09/02/2024 19:18

Option 1, 100% and furthermore it’s disrespectful of your husband to be on the phone for over an hour to a woman he has been briefly acquainted with who has been drunkenly dialling late at night. its so obvious that she’s trying to start something that he’s being wilfully blind, or is a bit interested. He needs to block and apologise.

StopTheBusINeedAWeeWeeAWeeWeeBagOChips · 09/02/2024 19:18

I would think she did it herself and blamed a friend until she saw how he responded.

I wouldn't be happy about it either op.

IncognitoUsername · 09/02/2024 19:27

Did you post about this a few days ago? Or are there two women drunk calling people’s husbands in the middle of the night?

My husband would have assumed that the missed call was a mistake (wrong number, dropped phone etc) and would not have bothered to text in the morning.

DoILookThrilled · 09/02/2024 19:34

StopTheBusINeedAWeeWeeAWeeWeeBagOChips · 09/02/2024 19:18

I would think she did it herself and blamed a friend until she saw how he responded.

I wouldn't be happy about it either op.

For sure. It’s also quite cringe on her behalf

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/02/2024 19:47

She did this herself. She fancies him. No way would I think this is ok - your husband is either up to something (or has been in the past), or is being a bit naive….

Aquamarine1029 · 09/02/2024 19:51

Tell your daft husband to stop playing the knight in shining armour bullshit and remember that he's married. He's playing a very stupid game here, and this is how many affairs start.

MixedPeel27 · 09/02/2024 19:58

Never mind which option the first call was, I would focus on DH's response.

Why on earth is he accepting of two midnight phone calls from someone he frankly hardly knows and then spending hours supporting her through her troubles.

That's not normal, no matter how lovely he is.

webster1987 · 09/02/2024 20:01

Feels like option 3 to me...for a colleague he worked with briefly in the past, this is odd behaviour. It could be option 1 but would be very random and your husband's interaction with her since also wouldn't match up to a 'brief' colleague relationship. So option 3 being there is more to their relationship, perhaps not now but it sounds like there might have been something. Certainly that she felt it appropriate to contact him not once, but twice late at night.

Alwaystired23 · 09/02/2024 20:01

Limeblonde · 09/02/2024 19:04

It happened a few months ago and last weekend happened again but this time she did not blame a friend, followed by them texting the next day for a bit and talking on the phone for over an hour the day after that. About difficult things she's been facing. DH thinks this is reasonable and he's just been supportive. I feel uncomfortable and wonder why she thinks it's OK to call him in the night. The work was just close together on a project for a few days over 2 years ago.

At this point I can't tell if I'm mad/jealous/controlling or if being uncomfortable and perhaps asking him no longer encourage these calls by responding and talking on the phone is a reasonable boundary.

I would be very wary. This sounds like the very start of an EA. If I was facing a problem, I couldn't see me texting a male colleague I worked with 2 years ago for advice to be honest, especially if I admitted I'd been thinking about him recently. I'd expect my husband to shut it down if I were you. I could understand if it were a work related problem that only they would have the answer/ knowledge about. Sounds suss to me.

CringeQueen · 09/02/2024 20:01

Option 1, and I would be having a talk with your husband about his boundaries around this woman. In my opinion it would be unlikely for her to call him in the middle of the night without him giving her some kind of encouragement/them being close enough that she felt comfortable doing it.