5 year old behaviour - help

[receptionmum2024]

DS (5) is a lovely boy whos a bit shy and very clever. He does something at school, which I recognise from home, but it is more problematic and disruptive in the classroom.

He gets very excited, about a particular friend or a particular game, for example, and can’t quite contain himself. Yesterday, for example, his “best friend” asked him to open a jar with puzzle pieces in it. DS was thrilled that best friend wanted to play, and that they could do this favourite puzzle together. So he opens it and sort of dumps all of the pieces on the table, but in a slightly wild way, so some of the pieces go flying to the ground. Another child nearby said, “oh yes, he always does things like that.”

My take is that it’s not destructive but overenthusiastic. (Esp because in this instance his “best friend” is one who he adores but every other day he reports she’s not his friend, he is still learning what it means to be and have friends, but is absolutely besotted with this girl). I don’t want to stifle his joy and enthusiasm but also recognise this can be disruptive in the classroom. (And annoying at home!)

Any suggestions?

I thought all children did that.

sounds like a fairly minor thing that will calm with age. Unless there is more. I wouldn’t say that is far out of bounds of usual behaviour for 5 years olds. I guess just encourage him to be mindful of being careful of things and other people.

He does it with a particular zest I suppose that the teachers have commented is disruptive. It’s hard to explain but it’s … a little bit extra?

I suppose it’s also that the other children roll their eyes and say “oh he’s being cheeky again” and I feel like that impacts his social development. He’s a bit shy already and then gets in trouble for doing something like the puzzle piece dumping and labelled by his peers as cheeky (according to him) and told they don’t want to play with him because of it. It feels like it’s some sort of nervous energy? Or impulse control? Anxiety? Over wxcitment?

Sounds pretty normal to me.
I have a 5 year old who is similar. Gets very excited over what others may think are small things. For example, he dances, skips, hops and shuffles into school every morning. Only sometimes I'll ask him to stop if he is swinging his lunch or at risk of bumping into others. I've stopped worrying about it, I just see that he's a happy and enthusiastic child.

I wonder if there is a TV character or a book about someone who gets very excited/too overenthusiastic and ends up ruining things and if you could use it as a discussion point with him?

Bless him because he sounds sweet. But I know what you mean and it would probably help him if he could learn to apply the brakes a bit. A good technique would probably be to take a deep breath and count to 10 before acting.

I think I can get like this a bit (I have ADHD) - the excitement about doing the thing NOW feels totally overwhelming a bit like all the blood rushing to my head and blocks everything else (including common sense, empathy, listening etc sometimes) out.

You could try asking him how it feels in his body when he gets excited about something - one way I might describe it is like a balloon inside me being blown up so big that it encompasses everything. A balloon is a helpful analogy because you can draw a deep breathing exercise from a balloon (imagine sucking up some of the air from the balloon and then blowing it slowly out).

My mum is very into energy so her explanation was to get me to imagine roots coming out of my feet tethering me strongly to the ground. I still do this sometimes when I start to feel "floaty".

He will still get to feel excited but not have it overtake everything.

You could also ask the teacher if they think he is doing something totally typical for his age which he'll grow out of, or whether he's out of step with his peers (in which case techniques like trying to recognise the feeling and catch it before it takes over might be helpful). The teacher might also have suggestions for what has helped other children with the same thing.

Sounds normal, but still not acceptable in a classroom, if that makes sense. If he doesn't have any other issues its a matter of getting him to understand the can't do this. Its ok to feel over enthusiastic and excited but not ok to make a mess, he needs to understand the different between his thoughts and his behaviour. He also needs to understand that he can control his behaviour. You'll have to be firm about it, and that's pretty tough I know.

I work in a preschool and the children are not allowed to empty a box like that, if they do they have to put everything back in the box and start over. That sounds harsh, but we say things like 'oh no you made a big mess, you'd better tidy this up so you can play with it properly' and if they resist we make it clear that they can't play with it at all until they tidy it up. We help at first as children need to learn to tidy up but after that its on them. Most children learn this really quickly and if they forget it once in a while we remind them that if they make a big mess it will take them so long to tidy up and they will lose out on fun time. Some kids actually enjoy tidy up so they are happy to take a big box of lego to a quiet corner and upturn it because they will quickly tidy it up when asked. There is a designated mat for this so they know the rules that they are not allowed to do it on a table.

Similarly, children skip the queue at the toilet or for washing hands and they are made go to the back of the queue, but always in a gentle way 'silly Mark, you forgot to wait your turn! now you'll have to go the back and wait'. instead of the adult complaining to the child, the child learns that they are the ones responsible for themselves, and they will have to deal with the consequences. Try not to be cross and keep it as positive as you can. 'Good waiting!' 'good listening!' are the phrases we use much more than congratulating someone for a neat drawing or learning a particular thing. Try to find something positive as much as you can, he sounds like a happy little man and you want to embrace that but just set the boundaries. If you do have to be a bit harsher with a consequence or you want to reward good behaviour, try to make sure it is immediate, a child like that is unlikely to understand a Friday treat or reward chart.