I feel like I’m drowning being a working mum

[Earthsign]

I am a working mum and I feel like I’m drowning. I just can’t keep up, I feel like my job is gonna get rid of me. I have to work to support me and my daughter and nursery is so expensive (not two yet for the free hours). My mind is already full with my mum duties I am just not as fast and on it as the other workers. I feel like I can’t keep up. My job is not a normal 9-5 so there is no switch off time

How do you working mums do it?

It’s really really hard. Slack wherever you can, this time isn’t permanent. I remember having one start nursery and two in early primary and thinking I was going insane. My marriage didn’t survive it but my sanity returned, I got away with not being perfect at any aspect of my life, but got ok with being ‘enough’ (look at how many men thrive when being completely average and you might feel much better), and know that This Too Shall Pass.

Is there any scope to swapping a job for more conventional hours? Childcare mist be hard for you to .

I think as a single parent you need to remember that you're doing two people's job so even if you feel like you're only achieving at 80%, that's actually 160%. You're doing your best and plenty of people with too parents pitching in struggle, so be proud of how well you're doing

I took the job as it’s a really good start to my career. However it’s extremely demanding. I know that if I quit or fail at this job word will go around very quickly.

I’m getting to my breaking point. I feel like giving up it’s so hard

Hey

I work full time but compressed hours over 4 long days and have one in preschool one in nursery. I'm not a single mum but my husband is not exactly a self starter on the home / parenting front so I carry the mental load and most of the practical load.

I've found outsourcing helped and opting for as much convenience as possible. It obviously costs money but I found a good and less expensive cleaner who can do our whole house and change the beds in 2 hours - it just means that i don't feel guilty about not doing a big clean if I can't manage it one week and just kind of keep on top of tidying etc. it also means the night before I do a proper whizz around of each room so everything is put away etc.

Meals are all planned and unfortunately a bit samey week to week but it means I know how quickly I can prepare them based on what else I've got on that day. A few easy slow cooker meals I can just chuck in (pre chopped veg helps!) one "easy" dinner like a pizza or something I can whack in the oven / air fryer etc. if your DD is getting her meals at nursery could you do Gousto for you on those days? When cooking make extra to freeze for a quick meal another day / have for lunch the next day.

Toys all stored in crates - makes it easy to put away quickly and stack neatly. Makes me feel on top of the house and like I have a grown up space when they are in bed.

Laundry I just have to fit in around stuff but am looking into an ironing person to take that job off my list.

Made peace with being "good enough" rather than perfect.

As for work I make my best effort at being totally focussed on work during those hours. I'm clear with people when I will need to finish for the day / no longer be contactable because I have other responsibilities- and I'm very clear about what I will commit to, for example "yes I can get that done for you, but it won't be until Tuesday as I have a lot of projects to progress before then"

Be kind to yourself - it's bloody hard, and usually thankless. We are expected to work as though we don't have children and raise our children as though we don't work.

I think everyone struggles unless they have staff! I work Monday to Friday 7:30-4:30, I come home to 2 kids, one of whom is autistic and has adhd, 2 cats and a house to keep. The weekend is hours spent cleaning, washing and changing beds. I feel permanently exhausted, not physically but emotionally and mentally. I find that taking time for myself when I can helps. I used to feel guilty about sitting and doing nothing when I have housework etc. I have come to realise there will always be more housework and spending time for myself is important. Have a bath. Watch some tv. Go for a walk. Sit in the McDonald’s car park with a milkshake and a donut after doing the grocery shopping. Whatever makes you happy

I’ve reduced my work days by one so I’m more present in the present. Financially & career wise it’s a hit but I’m the default parent. Even with reducing hours, my me time is batch cooking & cleaning. Our house will never be a show home - it’s lived in & I make peace with that. My alone time is my journey to & from work, or when I’m alone in the car after taking kids to / from activities - I blast my music & it blows away the cobwebs. I’ve started booking a hair appointment every 8weeks so I get out the house. Since having family I’ve really not known anything different.

I stepped down into a less senior position, reduced my hours to 3 days a week, passed over promotion and got my mental health back! It wouldn't work for everyone but, I was on the edge of loosing it.
My job wasn't getting the best from me and neither were my family.
Now I'm never stressed at work and feel I can give 100%.
I'm a better wife and mum as when I'm at home I'm 100% present without the work stress hanging over me.
I'm loving being at home more and I'm finally taking some 'me time' to exercise and get fit.
I used to feel guilty all the time, I realised I never wanted to feel guilty in the future about not giving my kids the Mum they deserved and i just couldn't do that in the job that I had.
I've also realised now that even in the future when they are more independent I don't want to go back to that level of stress.
I'm genuinely in awe of those Mum's that can do it and make it seem so effortless (I know a few) but it's not something I could ever seem to manage.