Harmless flirting or double standards?

[ShitTalkingShirley]

Hi,

So I'm just interested to hear your opinions on this, as it got me thinking.

Had a delivery earlier and the woman who dropped off the parcels was quite clearly flirting with me. We ended up having a quick chat and then I could see her looking at me in a different way and you can just tell when someone's flirting, can't you. When I smiled and said goodbye, she winked, sort of sighed and said "ahhh your smile made my morning, see you gorgeous".

Initially I was a bit taken a back, then I was quite flattered and then I thought to myself, I'm pretty sure if that had been a bloke, I'd have just been pissed off. Even if it had been said in the same none threatening tone. I'd have just thought it was inappropriate.

I know plenty of my heterosexual friends (I'm bisexual) say things about preferring compliments from women than from men. I'm assuming because they don't feel threatened, but was this equally as inappropriate, given she was essentially, at work? Surely the answer is yes, but I know I would have felt very differently if it had been a man. Rightly or wrongly.

How would you have felt?

Harmless flirting. Happened quite a lot to me when I worked in a fast food place. You get to recognise the "flirt" signals are the same whether from a man or woman. You also get to recognise it for what it is - just a flirt to brighten up your/their day and not paving the way to ask for your hand in marriage. However, if you'd given off reciprocal flirt signals (had that same look in your eyes) she might have asked you out! You didn't. She picked up on that and left it there. No harm done.

I do think your guard (for want of a better word) is down if you're a heterosexual woman and it's a woman flirting with you because you're not doing your own subconscious assessment of attractiveness in a potential partner/father of your children way.

Trust me plenty of women enjoy flirting with men! My sister often gets delivery guys chatting her up, she loves it and takes it as a compliment so I don’t agree it’s different if it’s a man.

Oh, and I'd have thought "I think she was just 'chatting me up' ". It wouldn't have creeped me out or anything like that. I'd have thought the same if it was a pleasant, chatty guy that wasn't interesting in 'that' way to me too.

Why would a man flirting with you be inappropriate?

I've never been in to flirting. I just can't do it. If a man flirts with me I feel so uncomfortable. Not at all threatened, just embarrassed and like I want it to stop. I'd feel exactly the same if a woman started flirting with me- awkward.

@Hereyoume but it wasn't the general flirty behaviour that got me thinking about whether it was inappropriate or not. It was more the comments at the end, given they were at work. If I'd been out in a bar etc, I obviously wouldn't be questioning it.

I’d feel more uncomfortable if a woman flirted with me than a man tbh

I'd have thought 'Ugh, this person should flirt in a less cringeworthy way,' regardless of whether it was a man or a woman.

Mind you, if anyone delivers something when I'm WFH, they would need very niche tastes -- as I will be wild-haired, in my socks and probably looking extremely bad-tempered (I have Resting Bitch Concentrating Face.)

@OriginalBirds 😂

@LilBus is that anything to do with your sexuality though?

Some people just have that way about them, and as long as the recipient doesn't feel threatened, probably cheers them up.