What is fair with this dog/money arrangement

[Creeperofhabit]

I split with my ex and moved about 90 mins drive away, about 4 years ago.
I still visit the city ex lives in sometimes because a lot of my friends are there.
We had a dog together, I took dog when we split up.
Because I visit friends near ex, I drop dog off so ex still gets to see her, she does want to see the dog, this isn't very often though.

On top of this, I have a friend who I used to pay to take dog over to see her, this has been every second or third weekend. Friend is in a similar position to me, ties to that city so was often going anyway, and if not was quite happy to take her for me and do something while there-friend doesn't have much going on where me and him both live and this worked okay for him.

However now, said friend's circumstances have changed and he can no longer do this for me.

Me and ex used to each pay half the amount to my friend that he'd charge me, for dog to be transported to ex's house. Ex would reimburse my half of the 'fee'.

Ex doesn't drive.

I don't finish work until 20:00 on a Fri night (clinical MH worker) and the last thing I want to do is a (quite) long drive so that ex can have the dog for the weekend.

Ex is very angry about this situation. Wanted to call my friend and tell him off about it, given it is the only way dog can still visit-and I said not to do this, it isn't my friend's problem! He's been kind enough to facilitate this thus far and it isn't anything to do with him really.

Ex could in theory come and collect dog on the train.

I've also said that if I am away for the weekend, ex can stay at my house with dog no problem. I've offered to pick ex up from train station wherever possible if this would help.

Ex does not want to do this. The train fare would cost £42 for two trips to my house and back-and has asked for half the £ from me.

I am also thinking that ex has made absolutely zero effort to come and see/get the dog-yes we paid my friend but he was doing all the running so to speak, since we broke up and I moved away.

Or am I being selfish? Honesty appreciated!

Sorry to clarify-ex doesn't want to stay away from home, doesn't want to stay at my house just wants to have the dog at home, so wants to come over on the train to collect. Has asked that I bring dog to train station.

Poor dog being shuttled back and forth spending 3 hours journeying in the car. Has nobody thought about what’s best for the dog in all this?

Your ex is being ridiculous. It's a dog not a child and they're not entitled to access.

You can’t facilitate this forever - it’s 90 minutes away. It is sad for your ex but it’s a dog not a child.

Unfortunately I think the reality is - at this point 4 years on given the distance between you - your ex will not see the dog very often.

If your ex wants to come on the train to get the pooch great but you can’t pay half for that.

Who pays the vet bills, pet food etc? Surely that’s all you…

Just face time.... Poor ddog... Tell her it now gets travel sick...

I think either you need to change the arrangements completely so that your ex has the dog for longer periods at less frequent intervals (and you share the transport costs) or your ex accepts not seeing the dog.

This is weird.

Tell him to get a new dog if he misses it that much.

After 4 years it's YOUR dog (I assume he pays no vet bills/food/meds/insurance etc)

Tell him to jog on.

In fact why are you even in contact with him at all?

A mate got divorced and shared their lab for 10 years week on week off with her ex... She remarried and got another lab.. Got divorced... Guess what?. Bonkers I tell you...

Exactly is a woman based on the fact OP says "she does still want to see the dog."

Yes ex is a woman
I forgot to mention that, yes I pay for everything! Maybe I should charge ex something sometimes but given I've got the dog most of the time...would feel a bit petty. Ex does buy dog food and anything else required for when she has the dog.

I'd just pack it in all together. The dog has lived with you for a long time, you pay the vet bills, the food 99% of the time etc. Tell her she's welcome to visit at her own cost but the arrangement ends here because it's too expensive and it's your dog now. I love my dog but realistically dogs aren't kids, there's no need to keep this going forever and there's not a thing she can do about it.

They make the effort to see the dog or they don't see it - simple. You've facilitated contact all this time so just say you can't shuttle the poor thing back and forth anymore so they either find a way to make it work or it's not going to happen.

Stop this ridiculousness. The friend has done you and the dog a favour. Your ex can go to court over it if she wants. It's time to cut the cord - all this is preventing you both from drawing a line under the relationship and moving on. Poor dog, it deserves stability.

I don't think the dog minds being ferried about. She does still love my ex and ex lives in the house we livd in together so she's familiar with things there, knows people my ex sees etc.

I am in contact with ex because she rents the house from me.

@Windydaysandwetnights so she now has two 'dog custody arrangements'?!

@Acatdance that could work, but also, I wouldn't want to be without the dog for any longer really! Is that unfair? I live alone and feel much safer with the dog ( she's a large breed).