Where did my confidence and capability go?

[longingtoquit]

I used to be brave and be able to have difficult conversations.
Now I feel anxious a lot of the time
I was just reading about the teenager with emotional based school avoidance and that's how I feel. Like I have life avoidance at the moment

How old are you? It could be peri/menopause.

Which difficult conversations are you having trouble having, and is that with everybody or just with one person?

I am 46
I have actually quit my freelance Job but had to do so by email as I am close to tears thinking about it
but dreading the awkwardness of going in and doing a handover

My head can count my blessings, I have my general health, and dh and dc who love me but my tummy is full of dread and my heart is sad

Why d'you quit?

Not enjoying it but feel guilty about letting them down
Tricky commute even though only p/t
Not flexible on days

A surgeon I once knew said the average age for perimenopausal symptoms is age 46.

Oddly enough I started to feel emotionally wobbly around then!

I'm a bit similar and I'm 35 but I feel like this has been steadily worsening over the last few years.

Perimenopause yes definitely worth looking into. Another tip that might sound a bit strange, is to get some blood work done at doctors - do you have any other symptoms like fatigue? I have pernicious anaemia. When my B12 goes low (I have three monthly injections to top up) I feel so socially anxious, so self critical and fearful. When I started getting injections it made such a difference to how I felt at work etc:

May not be relevant to you but just a thought and I'm a bit evangelical about it as I don't think many people know about it and doctor's don't check/link it to mental health - although they should.

Was just about to ask how old you are. Welcome to the perimenopause club!

You'll need a pen & paper to write down what you went into a room for, clothes in natural fibres, and somewhere you can go scream into the void when every single thing in the known universe gets right on your last bloody nerve and unleashes a rage on a scale never before seen.

It's weirdly liberating. 😁

That happened to me at 46 as well. It was like I woke up one morning and my confidence was gone and I looked 10 years older. I have a lot of responsibilities at work and really struggled. I went on HRT last year (at 48) and am now back to my old self although my memory is still shocking. If anything I'm more confident now as I just don't care that much anymore - not sure if that's related to HRT or just becoming middle aged and my general patience / desire to please has waned massively lol.

Sounds like menopause symptoms. HRT made me feel better, so worth a chat with GP. They may try to fob you off with antidepressants though.

I hope u feel better soon, peri/meno can really affect our mental health

It happened to me at around 48 too, although I didn't get the forgetfulness, rage, overheating etc, just low mood and mild anxiety. I had some CBT which helped at the time and started using a bit of mindfulness. I didn't go for HRT because of not having any physical symptoms and gradually got back to normal. However with hindsight I might have been better asking for HRT. 10 years later I feel as though I'm slipping back again (but I think it has been triggered by circumstances), I am doing all the right things in terms of healthy eating, exercise, fresh air, yoga, so I am considering asking for HRT again.

Yeah I am not doing all the right things re food etc

I am just hibernating/putting my head in my hands/ trying not to cry/feel sick

That's the problem, when you feel
like this the last thing you feel like is preparing healthy food and exercising, but it becomes a downward spiral. I do think getting out for some fresh air every day is helpful though, and also starting a gratitude list, when I am feeling down sometimes I write down one good thing that has happened to me every day and reading them back does lift my spirits.

Not enjoying it but feel guilty about letting them down

I wonder about this. Have you been meeting others' needs and not your own for a long time, with a guilt feeling if you don't? You might be burnt out if that's the case.

Also, have you had blood tests? My energy levels slid over about a year to almost nothing (I was eventually sleeping in the day and unable to do anything useful, like formulate a thought), and it was so insidious and confidence-sapping that I was like a me-shaped gap, where I used to be. Dr gave me thyroxine after a blood test: life changing. Get thee to the doctor! (if you've not been already, in which case, sorry for the pointless suggestion)

As an aside, I'm 47, and just 'put it all down to perimenopause', until I literally couldn't stand up. Don't assume it's menopause without checking!

"it was so insidious and confidence-sapping that I was like a me-shaped gap, where I used to be."

This. I was at the GP earlier in the week. Need to actually book the bloods.

And gosh. This sounds really hard. Hope you're okay

@longingtoquit

I've been prescribed levothyroxine, and take one small pill every day. I felt a change within a week, and now, around 3 months later, I'm a dynamo. Completely recovered, and I suspect I'd been running on almost empty, thyroxine-wise, for years. Haven't felt this good for ages.

Get the blood test booked, and good luck!

P.S. I could actually stand up... I just had to have a lie down if I did it for more than about 10 minutes. It sounded more dramatic than it should have.

lol at sounding dramatic. So it was a thyroid thing? That is interesting... thank you for your kindness btw

Yup, simple matter of low thyroid. I have to take a tiny tablet every day for the rest of my life, now, but I call them 'heroes', so I don't mind like I normally do with medication. They saved my sanity! Also I get free prescriptions because I'm taking it, which is odd, but I can't complain.

I almost hope you have the same problem, because it was so quick and easy to fix! Your problem sounds so much like mine; I just couldn't do anything, and all the symptoms (tired/lethargic/foggy head/weight gain/abject misery etc) just made me feel like I'd gone from being really dynamic before to just being rubbish at being a person.

But enough about me! Hope you get your tests soon and get back to your normal self.