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Original poster

Despairing at DD’s naivety

15 replies

Parcour · 07/02/2024 19:11

My DD is 25 and moved back in with us after uni to save up for a deposit. She is on her second job now and had been quite unhappy and constantly stressed since she started this one. I noticed a difference in her a few months back and she seemed much happier and excited. I was happy for her of course but over the last few weeks I have realised that this is because there is something dodgy going on with her boss. I am not 100% sure what is going on and to be honest I don’t want to know, but she definitely alluded to it and is talking a lot about him.

Of course he is older, and more than likely married.
I know that she is an adult and free to make her own decisions but I wish I could shake her and make her realise what a massive mistake she is making because it can only end badly.

I don’t know what I’m expecting by writing this down. Maybe I just need to vent before I snap at her. Of course I love her and want her to be happy but right now I just want to bang my head against the wall.

OP posts:

PosyPrettyToes · 07/02/2024 19:12

You don’t know what’s actually going on, you don’t know his actual age, and you don’t know that he is married, though? YABU.

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 07/02/2024 19:13

Maybe it's worth a conversation - started perhaps with the reassurance both that you'll bring this up just once, and also that you love her no matter what and are just concerned about her happiness?

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 07/02/2024 19:19

Go out for a walk/drive with her (these things are best said when you're not facing each other) and gently get her to talk. Approach it from a listening perspective rather than wanting to judge, or comment, and see what comes up.

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DiamondGazette · 07/02/2024 19:20

More than likely married but not necessarily? I would bide my time before having 'that' conversation. He might be single and you don't know how big the age gap is. Also she's an adult so is it really your business?

Original poster

Parcour · 07/02/2024 19:22

I know his age, have seen pictures, have been told some other things but it’s true that I don’t have the full picture.
Yes it’s none of my business but I think I just really don’t want her to get hurt or get into trouble in work

OP posts:

Octavia64 · 07/02/2024 19:22

I'd find out if he is actually married before deciding it's a mistake.

Also, mentionitis does not necessarily mean a relationship.

CucumberBagel · 07/02/2024 19:24

Have you taught her that these sorts of things don't end well?

mcmen05 · 07/02/2024 19:25

Why would you think she starting an affair just because she talks about him
I talk to my boss too.

Beefcurtains79 · 07/02/2024 19:27

What’s the age difference? Would he get the sack if found out?

Disturbia81 · 07/02/2024 19:30

Married or not, typical grim kind of man. God leave the young women alone to live their youth.

Singleandproud · 07/02/2024 19:30

Why not watch Doctor Foster together (iPlayer) if he is having an affair with her that should provide either some talking points or some food for thought.

Original poster

Parcour · 07/02/2024 19:38

I haven’t said much until now but I did warn her what could happen if it was found out. I know she excited and happy but I can also see her discomfort and maybe sadness when she won’t hear back from him all weekend.

Thanks I’ll have a chat with her, I just wanted to vent my frustration because I don’t want to chastise her.
He’s 41 so much more life experience than her.

Thanks! I’ll stop my ranting again now

OP posts:

winewinewine23 · 07/02/2024 19:43

Can totally understand your concern. He's 41 and she's 25, even if he's not married (and it sound suspiciously possible if she doesn't hear from him at weekend), they're at different life stages plus it's work. Don't shit where you eat.

Potatesareoverrated · 07/02/2024 21:07

She's 25, that is old enough to know better. If not, she'll learn. But if she loses her job or colleagues' respect over it make sure she informs HR so he feels the effects of the shit decision-making too. As a boss he should also know better. Every chance he has form for hitting on the younger 'uns.

PieonaBarm · 07/02/2024 22:06

Been there, got the T-shirt and the emotional scars. In my case the boss was single although older. Though I would say whilst I wouldn't recommend it as a relationship option I learnt a lot about myself. Don't nag her, just let her know your concerns and then just be around. In my experience she will need you. I ended up telling my Dad when it all went pear shaped and he was brilliant.

I grew out of that kind of relationship and am now happily married to the kindest, loveliest man who is my age and wasn't my boss when we met.

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