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Original poster

Mat leave with 2.5yo + no childcare

29 replies

riffraffroff · 07/02/2024 14:25

Has anyone managed this, or am I totally delusional? My DM is near so would muck in but I'm not going to be able to ship DC1 off to her every weekday, not that I want to.

Might be able to find some form care that's shorter hours and more affordable than DCs current FT nursery place, preschool maybe? Childminders are oversubscribed where I live.

Im not actually pregnant yet, but I've realised I'd love a second. I was already "geriatric" for DC1 and they're a September baby so I can't really wait until they're at school.

OP posts:
DreadPirateRobots · 07/02/2024 14:27

Tons of people do it, probably most. Bear in mind that if you pull your first DC out of nursery you may not get their place back though. It's not the most fun you can have, especially if the baby keeps you up all night and the toddler keeps you up all day, but you muddle through.

bettynutkins · 07/02/2024 14:28

I did this, it was fine. Mother in law helped occasionally but generally it was up to me as partner was at work.

It was not too bad. Depends on the child, 2nd was an easy newborn... I found it got hard at about 8 months in.

I know lots of people who have done this and not sent their 1st to nursery etc. My first started nursery when I finished 2nd lot of maternity leave.

newlaptop12 · 07/02/2024 14:29

Most people do this for their second. It'll be fine.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
idontlikealdi · 07/02/2024 14:29

If you are on mat leave you are the childcare, unless I'm missing something here? Or you can pay to put the older one in nursery a few times a week.

InTheRainOnATrain · 07/02/2024 14:35

Would they not get funded nursery hours? Even ignoring whatever is going on with the new scheme for 2YOs because it’s baffling, all kids get at least 15 hours if not 30 from 3. So can you either postpone TTC baby 2 by 6 months or save up enough to get you across that time, maybe even cutting their hours to something like 3 mornings to save money? Obviously keep in mind though that once you give up a FT place there’s no guarantee of getting it back in a year if/when you return to work.

Puddingpieplum · 07/02/2024 14:36

Mone went to one of those £9 an hour playgroups for 2.5 hours a day, was a godsend.

Lavenderbluerose · 07/02/2024 14:41

DS(3) goes to nursery for two days and has one morning and one afternoon at a preschool. It’s a good balance. We have to keep his nursery place open for when I do go back to work, but it’s been a bit of a lifeline as well.

Someone above has said most people do this - it’s the opposite for me, everyone I know who has a second has kept their first in nursery.

Wednesdays and Thursdays always seem incredibly calm compared to the rest of the week!

crikeymosess · 07/02/2024 14:41

If you have another one by then the child will be 3 and you should be entitled to 30 free hours for nursery.

Lavenderbluerose · 07/02/2024 14:41

Double post

NoItsStillNighttimeDarling · 07/02/2024 14:44

Loads of people manage, this is the life of a SAHM!

Not to say there aren't hard days but I definitely wouldn't let it put you off having another if you want one

Comedycook · 07/02/2024 14:45

Of course people do this. It's hard work but for a fairly short time period

LIZS · 07/02/2024 14:47

Will they not be eligible fir Early Years funded hours from January after third birthday? Or a school nursery place?

mitogoshi · 07/02/2024 14:47

I had no childcare at all, 2 years apart, eldest autistic (first appointment with specialist was day before dc2 was born) most people do this, was totally normal to have 2,3 kids even at home

Scottishgirl85 · 07/02/2024 14:50

I'm confused, this is literally what almost everyone does? Very few people put their toddler in paid childcare during mat leave before free hours kick-in - due to the unnecessary cost when you're at home anyway, but also because they like spending time with their toddler!

curlupandvanishforever · 07/02/2024 14:51

Yep. Did this. Bloody knackering! But lovely to have the extra time with DC1 too.

NoCloudsAllowed · 07/02/2024 14:55

Depending on what your first experience was like and what second baby is like, should be fine.

Reduced hours at nursery, if available, could be another option.

My experience (DC1 2.5 when DC2 came along) was that all was much easier, tbh I would have been bored only having DC2 - first time around there is a challenge to working out all the baby stuff and routines, second time round I just knew a lot more so less to think about. The balance with DC2 and DC1 was the challenging part.

DC1 was at nursery 3 days a week, it was really good for her to have somewhere to go that wasn't dominated by babies and where she could be noisy and run around etc. You might want to ask your mum to help with baby so you can have 121 with DC1, or get mum to take DC1 out to spoil DC1.

Then when DC1 was 3 and DC2 was 9 months, lockdown came - so no childcare and no outside stimulation from groups etc. That was hard but fine too tbh, I had to become much more resourceful and there were times it nearly broke me (I got furloughed) but it was also sometimes peaceful and wholesome.

Another thing you could do is buddy up with someone who has similar age children (2.5 years is a common age gap) and you can do playdates a lot so you take turns in having a break from toddlers, or just hang out together to break up boredom.

Lavenderbluerose · 07/02/2024 14:56

Scottishgirl85 · 07/02/2024 14:50

I'm confused, this is literally what almost everyone does? Very few people put their toddler in paid childcare during mat leave before free hours kick-in - due to the unnecessary cost when you're at home anyway, but also because they like spending time with their toddler!

Everybody I know does! So I suppose it shows there is no ‘normal.’

Of course you can cope and get by and manage but I didn’t want to cope and get by and manage. I wanted to enjoy, especially after having a bit of a half maternity leave first time round due to Covid.

User1213 · 07/02/2024 14:57

I’m currently doing this! DC1 nursery have very kindly let me reduce days temporarily so only does 2 days a week, I was toying with just one day but feel like they benefit from nursery and truly enjoy it. I couldn’t be a SAHM personally and need the 121 time with baby to recharge and get in to our own rhythm. My 2.5YO doesn’t sleep every day so on the days they don’t there’s no down time for me so the two days work well so far and we’re 7 months in. The nursery were very accommodating so talk to them beforehand, very lucky though with that.

I’ve done weeks by myself when DC1 unwell etc and I personally found it hard and couldn’t wait for DH to get in from work / weekends for a rest

Caterina99 · 07/02/2024 14:59

I was a sahm. It is hard work with a toddler and newborn, but most of my friends were in the same boat too.

We actually paid for toddler to do 2 mornings a week at a nursery/preschool place nearby. Saved my sanity. However we lived abroad from all family so there was no other help and DH worked pretty long hours.

Hopefully your oldest will qualify for the free preschool hours once they turn 3 (maybe earlier, I’ve no idea what this new gov childcare system is)

Sunnnybunny72 · 07/02/2024 15:00

I had this age gap. No help. DC1 was already in nursery so I put them in an extra half day.
Then went back to work at five months and DC 2 went too.
The fees swallowed the equivalent of my salary every month for two years but twenty years on, no regrets.

SnapdragonToadflax · 07/02/2024 15:02

Most people I know kept their toddler/pre-schooler in nursery two days a week, even if just for a morning. It kept their place and gave them some time to do baby groups/swimming etc without looking after a running around tyrant as well.

I know very few SAHMs though, so everyone was intending to go back to work at 9/12 months rather than facing years of being the only childcare. And actually, the only SAHM I know seemed to have her mum looking after her toddler more days than not.

NuffSaidSam · 07/02/2024 15:03

Literally billions of people have looked after two children at the same time. I'm not sure we would have survived as a species if we couldn't!

Will it be tricky? Yeah, at times of course, but the second child will slot in. You'll watch a bit too much TV, but it'll be fine. Get out the house as much as possible. Ask your mum to help out on the days when it's all falling apart. If you're not even pregnant yet your DC1 may be old enough for a funded part time nursery place by the time DC2 comes along.

Original poster
riffraffroff · 07/02/2024 15:37

This is all super helpful, thank you. Despite DC1 being very chill, I did feel like I was struck by a bus postpartum, only just staring to feel vaguely normal now. Which I think is my main concern. I also agree that the social aspects of childcare are beneficial. DC2 mat leave + DC1 in FTish nursery seems to be the norm here.

I totally forgot about free hours, can you just send them in for the 15/30 hours, surely not? I realise it's term time only.

OP posts:
Sonora25 · 07/02/2024 15:39

@riffraffroff of course you can. At our local preschool 15 hours would give you 5 mornings (9-12). But only term time and you have to pay the top up (depending on preschool £2-3 ph). Put him on waiting lists for preschools now. In our area waiting list is 9-12months.

WhatNoRaisins · 07/02/2024 15:42

I didn't have DC1 in nursery, partly because of lockdown and I wish I had as they were ignored a lot when I was sleep deprived and DC2 was feeding frequently. Maybe with an easy baby it's better but my DC1 would have really benefited from the interaction and change of scene.